I have somehow been drawn back to this idea
of Life’s battles ever since I had used the phrase when I met up with Ben and
Wei Ren. So there I was, sending Ben
back home, where he was commenting that we did not meet up often and sometimes
we remain under the radar. So I was saying that “Maybe we are all fighting our
own life’s battles.”
This caught my mind’s eye, in a way that it
has already been almost 3 weeks since I met with them and still these words has
been ringing around my head. So…Life’s
Battles huh…I guess recently since I had decided to undertake the CFA route
again and to work towards that direction. I had classified that as a battle in
my mind, a battle that I had to win because I have no other way. Of course,
there are other ways but this is a path I had chosen and I wanted to stay on
it. Rather than keep switching directions only to find out that I am walking in
circles.
Looking inwards, in recent times, I had not
been really studying much and all. Things that had distracted me can be things like
my freedom fund project, people’s views about me, the lack of financial
security, time and interpersonal relationships. Like all true logical rational types ,let's write down a list and go through them.
1) Freedom Fund Project
Recently, I had been
disturbed by the thought that MIDAS had been losing money for me. Truth be
told, it has always been a mistake and I had been secretly hoping that the
price would have bounce back. If it’s in the past, I would have bought more if
it went below 30 cents. Well now its 22 cents and their lowest in years. Should
I take the loss or not? I am already looking at a 42% loss for that counter.
Given the strong dividends from Keppel DC, I guess the dividends will be able
to cover the losses soon. So I guess I
need to find out more about MIDAS and see whether it is right to sell a not? I
am not too worried about Keppel Corp as of now thus it didn’t appear in my
thoughts recently.
2)People’s views about me
I had always been
concerned about how people have viewed me throughout my life. It’s one of those
usual insecurities of humans; the acceptance from the rest of the
population. I worried what my parents
will think if they see me out at 6am in the morning doing kickboxing or mugging.
I worry how I will look and will look presentable to people. I guess it’s time
to try to confront these insecurities and believed in myself and ask myself
what are the main goals are. Find a way and whatever it takes.
3)Lack of Financial Security
Ever
since I had started work, I seem to be forever plagued by this insecurity as
well. I am always looking and wishing that my pay had been higher. That I could
have saved more, saving for my house and etc. I had a chance back a month ago
but for the sake of career advancement, I forgo the pay increase. I ran monthly budgets and allocate my income
very tightly. With the recent CFA and the goal to 15K (due to me worrying about
retirement), I had cut my budget even tighter than ever. Technically, my budget
should be sub $800. However, I am consistently breaking the 900 mark. So I was
pretty uptight about eating good places and more expensive place. I remember I
had set aside my income to accommodate eating at better places, but with insurance policies and CFA, it’s eating into my allotment. In this aspect, I guess I have to just persist
with the current allocation and look forward to the pay increment the following
year or once my payment to the CFA has ended.4)Time
Another factor is time. I think I got past the phrases"Time is never enough" or "24 hours is not enough for me". Then, how do we explain people who have created so much things in their life time? Look at the amount of innovations and Patents that Edison have to his name. No no, time is what we make of it. We all have an abundance of time, it's only what's the amount of time that we are allocated with. I have to learn how to make full use of whatever time I have. Earlier, I came home, I went immediately to Kick-Boxing. Its only 15 mins but I took my first step back to being fitter. Though, I later got distracted by a discovery channel show on machines. Not saying that the documentary was not good or educational but I could have been doing other things with that time which is about 20 minutes. It has been some time since I last did a full stretch mugging for my CFA. Its time to make full use of time again.
5)Interpersonal Relationship
I think this one is a constant for most people. With respect to Ben and Wei Ren whom I had not met a long long time, even the rest of the guys, it's like I have disappear from their lives. I think I am still closer to GK they all, but even they I have not met Benny and Kenneth since ICT le. Besides cutting down to only meeting one group of friends in a month, or rather, trying to because of budget and to spend more time to study(supposedly). The only relationship that I am unwilling to cut time off is Cat. The rest is truly like a sacrifice, both in terms of financially and for study purposes. Ironically, before starting like adulthood, like working life, I told myself that I want to be different from Samantha and still spend time with friends. Now, I am beginning to realise that there are other stuffs that seemingly have to take precedence over others. Money is not easy to come by and that my freedom and my future is important. Career is another thing that is important, being of relevance to the world has also come to the fore. I used to moan the fact that Samantha don't have much time for me and all, but seriously, when one is building up their life empire, somethings just have to be sacrificed. Of course, not saying that I should totally cut the friendship but as much as I love to interact with close friends, the opportunity to do so gets lesser.