Hollowfication

Hollowfication. The process where by a person becomes a hollow even if they are already a soul which has been released from the grievences of the world. Or in the recent episode of bleach, the captains whom are high reaitsu levels becomes hollow.

Like how ichigo had to confront his own hollow to maximise his potential. And in many episodes, he had to confront and faced his hollow( evil side) to achieve the so called vaizard level. However, there are times when his hollow wins and he totally kenna control by his evil side. Even in the anime show, its reflects that everyone as an uncontrollable side to certain things and situations. Its like sometimes in life, where you just seems to make a wrong move or do something wrong because of some uncontrollable impulse. Like inchigo, when one is able to control this 'evil side' will then one emerge to be a stronger and more calm person.

Yesterday had a really really long talk with GK, actually went out with my colleagues for a long awaited outing. Then went to meet up with GK lor...finally eventually embarked on a long talk.

Its has been a really insightful talk and stuff....he made me.....or sort of remember who I am and made me recollect some stuffs as well. Realised that we both are seriously similar in many ways and that various situations cause us to be different in some ways...think that I have been expecting too much from others. Felt stupid to be following others strategies and living in others shadows...talked about the things we enjoyed at work and stuff. Listen to him about his story and stuff, regurgitate about my thinkings and rants and irrational thinkings.

Due to the situations that I went thru, the circumstances that I was put thru, the rush and hustle of human life...I lost myself in the process. I think this is smthg that a lot of people faced or even goes thru sometimes...maybe its because I have been I had been obessessed with a particular problem and that I tried so many ways to solved it. That actually maybe the answer is that simple.=) but its so simple that I chose to ignored it and to regard it as a myth.

Everything works in tandem. Without a force, the object wont moves. Lets assume 'force' and 'movement of the object' as entities. No force means no movement. Even physics shows that things even laws work in tandem.

Now feel much better le...its have been a hell of a ride...the end of a chapter.

Trans Am burst

Just watched finished Gundam 00 season 2 episode 24...its really quite nice...this time the Gundam its not like the past whereby, the best machine wins...rather its the best pilot or maybe u can say the unit with the strongest GN particles win=P...the bottom line of Gundam 00 is the ability to understand one and other....the ability for humans to know each other...in other words , communication.

Think thats quite true as well in real life, communication. How many times have we seen miscommunications happens?? Where a small misunderstanding leads to a super huge problem where there seems that there is no answer at the end?? But humans are complicated creatures i think...sometimes we tend to keep it to ourselves for fear or some reasonings...and when things get out of hand, then the truth must come out but by then the damage might already have been done.However, having said that, doesnt mean that everything also must say out lah...like that also bad...must find balance lor.

In the case of billy and sumeragi, in the end billy was absorbed in his hate towards sumeragi misleading him and stuff , that he sided with th bad guys and he pyscho himself to believe that what he was doing was right. Whereas actually, its his emotions such as hate, sadness that had played him out...he really love sumeragi and she also acknowledge that but dont think that she ever like him though...So had they both understood each other, then maybe it wont turn out like this loh.

" If you want to be understood, have you try to understand others?" This phrase said by marie was quite good...ok so its cheesy but hey its true...a lot of times people are unable to put themselves into the other shoes , and they dont see the other side of the problem.

I still dunno how to face you...seriously...which path should we take from now on? the right or the left? the morally right or the easy left? either way I knw that it wont be easy...at least on my part...I care too much...probably=$

Do you all know about the MacDonald ad ?? where this young guy drive in and the auntie in mac uniform pass him his breakfast....it seems weird to link mac with old folks sia. And I always remember that its the old folks who frequently reminded us that fast food like Mac is bad for health 0.0.. ironic man. And according to the a bit older generation, in the past, Mac is associated with students...blah blah... how times have changed sia...lol...

And read in papers that small companies are getting their workers to double as cleaners as well...lol...the extent of cutting costs...the extent of this financial crisis is seriously bad man....

Actually, I don;t know what to blog about...ahaha...today got nothing much happen leh, lolz...well.. clannad after story came out a special episode. Showing how even in the early days, tomoya got an impact on nagisa..showing how destined they are to be together=D...then there is another one somemore next week. Oh...and think Gundam 00 is ending soon....saded and oh ya! I finally fixed up my Gundam 00 raiser le!!!! ^0^...damn cool...wondering where got space for the next one=P...lolz..think of watching toradora as well and shakugan no shana...lol...if I can find time or rather if I can just drag my fingers to find it on the net...haha

Also, apply for the Uni(s) le..really hoping crossing my fingers that can get into a local uni. but dont really put much hope le over it..and seriously, I am quite unsure what course to take in SIM sia...oh wells...we shall see what fate has plans for me bah...

And recently, heard from some person about her relationship or rather love life lor...its..hmm...kinda interesting and to actually to be in that kind of relationship...I think really needs a lot of courage and stuff...and I cant imagine her to be such a person...someone to be ruled by her emotions and not her mind...haha...but its nice talking to her, in a way finally she opened up to me as she looks like a rather cold person..or maybe cuz I share something with her and she share hers with me bah=P....a trade lor just like what kenneth likes to say...haha

Oh ya..and pig is going gaga over my ipod touch....as u can see from her blog...on the left hand side menu...GG...haha...yes yes I will let u play it..* ahem $5 per session but since u are a good friend so got 50% discount, at $2.50 lot*...

Is there ever a time whereby one will feel like he/she is just going with the flow of time? I kinda feel that I am in such a kind of situation in this point of time, I mean...its like events and happenings just come and go...emotions come and go....days passes by quickly...5 days working....weekend...then 5 days working...weekend.....soon already a month has passed....I feel that I don't even have the time to sit down and think anymore...in a sense, the NPL this friday can be seen as a welcome. How does one actually get to have personal space and time in this society where is so fast paced and tight schedules?? Or have I become slower and in need of more time because in army, time is like water...in abundance......now is just going to work, looking out for my eye candy, talking nonsense with the guys , making fun of li sian ....go home....fb, anime, sleep....next day start all over again...Well at the very least, this week got the Uni. applications to worry about...seriously hoping can go to NTU* cross fingers*...

Actually, was just thinking about everything that had happened in the past month, in a way 路是我自己选的， 后果由我来负担.....dont asked me how it started or ended...I also dunno...like what I said, its just come and go...feels like I am in a place where people around me is moving and I am motionless , standing like an idiot in the centre, wondering why am I not like the others? 0.O

I think I need a day off....or rather I want to go on a long holiday!!!!.....

Well...Finally got my ipod TOUCH le!!!! woohoo~~ So I have been playing around with the applications and the power of wifi at my finger tips..hehe...and seriously, the touch technology of apple is seriously imba!! Its like totally pawned the rest of the compeition sia...it has been a revolution with the power of touch technology.

Anws, I think must watch my spending le...lolz...and u knw wad? 18 years old now can play the stock market le...haha..the SGX seriously need more $$ right??, now also want to lure the young ones in....haha...but if we as the young generation is really that zai, this is a real good exp. for us all...unfortunately I am not going to play the market this year , unless I am absolutely sure that I can profit and its something that if I miss, I will regret..

I am still a bit bothered by you in my mind, every now and then....

Tired...just jaded...in need of a holiday...

Somehow when listen to GK talking to me about mindy, it really really brings back memories about me and sam. I listen to him, also was like damn pek cheh....if u ask me to touch my heart and say how it will end, I will say that he might lose ultimately...but I still encourage him to try, maybe its because I want to prove that it will work, that he will succeed where I fail. And of cuz , I dont want him to lose faith and because of this , lost the gal. He still stand a chance, I am sure...though its super super little...but hope lor. Lets just hope. Maybe the reason why I agreed to help him carry on his 4 month plan was also to see another ending, a happy one I hope...

From my side...I failed bah. After 2 years, all I got was a deep appreciation and a consideration and a simple praise that I am good...sincerity?? uselss...hard work and effort ??...useless...a chance?? None...so it all comes down to a single word...feeling...its such a simple excuse to use...there is the saying, once bitten, twice shy.....my case its twice bitten, thrice..who wants a 3rd time??...unlike the 1st , this one wasn't that painful cuz never invest much feelings inside...but its like...i dunno...I just feel totally damn sianz at times...

I dont think about it all the time, but I just feel troubled by it...can we really be just friends? maybe..can we be best friends?? I dunno...seriously...I mean its not like my world is tumbling down or wad....but more of why?....why is it always like this?...

Or am I just forcing myself to think it thru?? cuz its the normal way to do by it...I cant pin-point anything , its just ....somewhere..somehow there is this knot which I cant untie...

Anws, want to thank Pig for pei-ing me thru the night, pai seh about making u sleep late...its really really nice of you for going thru most of life's ups and downs with me....=)

Ok now the rantings part is over..or I hope...now is the think logically mode...lolz...anws side track a bit..I think ranting and stuff..is a damn good way of releasing stress...if we as people forever due to face, certain situation and rules of society, kept and restrain ourselves from bursting out, from releasing ourselves...I think its gotta be damn painful inside...maybe thats why I am such a straight forward person or a 'honest' person ... I say whatever on my mind and I try not to drag too long cuz I see no point in torturing oneself.

Letting go is one step. buddhism always have this saying that being attached is also to be unattached. To learn to attached= to learn to cherished , to learn to give cuz everyone is linked to each other in some ways or another. To be unattached= to let go when the time is ripe, to be indifferent when things are not flowing naturally. Unfortunately, this is a very difficult saying and way of life for many to lead. Look at the number of humans out there, who can you name that is able to follow this code of life. Not many I fear. I am one who is also freaking cui in this aspect as well... the inability to unattached...thats something I have always failed. From small things like a pen all the way to friendships...is the fear of losing what I once had. But, on furthur thinking, to lose is also another way to gain, isn't ? In the end, we end up governed by fear, which leads to insecurities, which lead to poessiveness, which will eventually lead up to selfishness...wah sounds like star wars* fear leads to hate, hate leads to ..blah blah then pain leads to the dark side, tell you I did*...so maybe once of the few steps I got to do is to over come this fear of attachement...the one biggest paralyzing mindset that can totally cripple me...the strength to have a bigger heart...not a narrow one...

Focus.Contentment.Courage.Belief.Faith....these are some of the other ingrediants I required as well...

General direction of life. I am forever feeling lost. I want to pursue something I want...scared that I am wrong...Laziness kicks in...I just go with the flow. Ee ling told me her life story....how she just live like no tml...how eventually She end up in this line...and how she ended up not really able to live like no tml...she is now in a way governed by other problems now...but one thing about her that we can take from this is that she is contented to a certain extent. Maybe one thing else is that we dunno what else the future hold for us, maybe I might be interested in engine or maybe not? Its an uncertainty...

Its just so easy to blame on others but oneself...today just feel kinda moody...its the compilations of everything sia...dunno why leh...I mean its just seems so saddening and yet as well as life-sapping....I am losing the fire...I am tired...I am acting like some 'out of control' freak...where am I ? What was my purpose?...I think I am having a life complex here sia...

How come things don't go my way like what I wanted to...heck with protocols...why does things seems to be going well with others , and yet I am always the one who suffers...the one who everytime must be experiencing stupid thoughts, stupid feelings...why am I so possessive at times? why am I showing my emotions at people where there isn't the need to? why do I need to be bothered by what others think? , why do I need always feel to be part of a group?...actly I thought it was due to her msg...but its nthg to do with her in the end, eventually its everything...even due to my uni. grad. applications...And why am I so afraid of u?? why am I so wary of ur every movement and every word that comes out from your mouth?? *rants*

Think today offended the gods or my feng shui is out of place....whatever sadness I can feel, just seems to be magnetically attracted to me man....sucks to the core...as usual her randomness questions always seems to be derail me at the wrong time*shakes head*...tired serious to the max...Actually, was wondering have I been asking too much in life? Have I been expecting too much from myself? Am I following the protocols that everyone else seems to be following? Do I have the strength to go against the protocols??......

Actually, to tell you the truth...I feel myself to be damn weak...or rather I hated myself for having all these complications sia....enough is enough...I cannot again let one incident to affect my mood for the whole day, Think I need to undergo Zen sessions man....like serious dude...

DEAD la. Died-ed. Shit.Round 3 lai le.

Work+ BBall+ burnt

hmm...havent updated for quite a while liao hor..lolz...busy like a PIG mah...hehe...indirect suan...lolz...anws for those who are wondering what I am doing now...I am working now at IRAS as a temp. worker/answerinf phone calls/ entertaining walk-in interviews for issues or enquiries related to pship I tax e-filing lor...so have been answering phone calls for the past week and next week...which is tml I am heading down for counter duties le. Quite nervous if u ask me, rather do the phone calls de...but HEY..its a good experience man!!...trying to psycho myself here...lolz..my working colleagues are quite fun...consisting Li Sian, Marilyn, Zuk, Yusoff...haha...we are quite a rowdy batch at times and the guys always like to make fun of the girls..lolz...they 2 will be at marilyn and me will be at li sian...haha..super funny...then scandals galore within us lor...lolz..with me being the 1st!! kenna linked with li sian...and just played along lor...super funny..like " li sian....lao po guo lai!!...haha...then see how face super funny and she will always say " I want to puke blood le!"...SOP answer from her lor...standard...ahaha....then she is like super blur and weirdly cute to the max sia....do maths can talk to herself and she always like stoning or zoning out for un ulterior reason O.0......dunno how she even get to NJC and Cedar sia... Of cuz our group also got another 2 more gals who went in with us in the same day...emery and zhi ling. Emery is quite chio...but vertically challenged..lolz...oks oks...and she is linked with Zuk...haha...quite a hiong clubber as well...but she dresses very well...hoho and in some pics I sat with her and zuk was like...WTH....haha...kinda funny..sadly going down to counter with yusoff le...will missed the 8 hours chilling and talking crap up stairs there....haha but hey counter will proof another kind of experience. Hoping can get a job at IT show...still wanting to finance my Ipod touch and ben loh also got his Ipod touch le!!!!!! Wad de!!!!...ah!!! I want mine as well man!!!

Yesterday played bball in the how afternoon sun, now kenna sun burn..sianz-ed...and justin kenna a sprain ankle , wah kao....super sianz and ben song got to fire man carry him all the way to the bus stop then we got to flagged a cab down..oks yan cong only and bring him back...wah..very very long never chiong bball le...shagkenehneh...haha...thts wei li favourite phrase sia...ahaha back in camp.