Updates

Well well it has been quite some time since I last blog, seems that I don't really have the panache for blogging these days...wonder is it due to the age where you just go with the flow?...hmm..this is bad...haha...Well so far, managed to get 1 interview so far, but well things are not where they are yet ...but I am sure it will be. Been reading a lot of inspirational and positive books recently, I feel that I need to undergo a deep and structural change if I want to achieve what I wanted..and I set myself kinda like a 5 year target that I wish to hit. It won't be easy, however like recently, I just managed to clear my PPTs in IPT ...where I ran in time, though its still slow and all but I managed to make it. And I kept reminding myself its the present that counts, the next step because the now is the most important thing, the only thing I can control. The past was the now. And the Future will be due to the now. So, its now that is most important. I think this will be this year's quote of the year.

Recently, like got a bit of wanting to stray...maybe its cuz now its pretty monotone le, or maybe because its like your ideal kind seems to be interested in you or maybe cuz of the debacle last month. Well its like this, that recently told zhenni that actually she is like my ideal kind, out of all the girls I was interested in. So told her that its just ideal, ideals aren't meant to happen de. She also knew about the debacle back then. So once we were having lunch, wonder is it I was wearing office wear so I might be quite handsome...lolz...jkjk... So she asked about me and adeline, I told her that we just pretended nothing happened lor..I mean I dont know is this the way to go, but I guess being positive and all helps and that maybe I should try to understand her more and throw away some pre-fabricated ideals about relationships. So when I told Zhenni about that we decided to forget it, she thought that we totally just forget everything that we were together and all. So I told her that no lah...we are still together. Den she said that oh no V-day she will have to spend her V-day with her best friend again. And I was like caught off guard..because what has you spending V-day with your best friend gotta do with me? Coupled with the fact that previously she also said something about like if she see Master Lynn(my fs master) and then Master lynn tells her that we should be together or something during the time when I chased her. And...plus the fact she is quite desperate now, well judging from what she has been doing recently. All this kinda makes an attractive proposition.

However, I did set aside some time to think about it. And I came down to a conclusion, that it just might be a one off thing because its like a logical decision but feelings wise, I don't have anything for her le. I also cannot visualise myself hugging her or whatever that I had done with adeline...which kinda convince me that I doubt I will go after zhenni now. Of course, logically speaking, I think she will be much easier to be with then adeline because we are so so much like each other. Be it our values or our interests. So therein lies the temptation. But, I guess if I am in a r/s with someone else, its like an obligation, once you make a commitment/ promise, one still have to honour it unless the commitment is eating your life away. 

Recently also asked Tracy about it, like why when single, everyone don't seem to bother about you. But once you are attached, suddenly you are slightly hot property?...Don't seem to make much sense if you ask me...weird.

2013 resolutions

OKs. Realise that I didn't actually set a definitive resolutions last year or any previous years. Keeping in with the traditions like last year, this will be another 6 months resolution thingy... Haha

1) Going to lose 5kg.
*Ever since young, according to fengshui, I cannot be too fat as it would be too much earth and I realise that every time I exercise, I feel a whole lot better. Furthermore I got quite a bit of clothes I still want to fit in.

2)Find my worth/myself in this world
*To me this is pretty important, because I feel that I lost myself in my relationship with Adeline. But, I now realise that to move forward, to live is to live a life that is based on my own and now others. To live a life where there is a space for someone but without that space, I can still live on.

3)To be as positive as possible and be the best I can be at the moment.

Giving thanks

First post of the new year... suppose to do a reflection on 31st... but a bit hard to find time to. Spent the new year in Bangkok, Thailand. The land of thousand smiles. Rather than going through everything that had happens in the past year, think rather I should give thanks for everything that had happens.

Last year, was a year for many firsts. First relationship. First time moving to a condo ( in 2014 ). First time taking an external exam. Naturally, the main bulk of it will be about the relationship issue. However, won't bore you guys all over again and besides I don't think should dwell in the past and that we should look forward instead.

First and foremost, I would want to thank my dearest close friends. Seriously, without them, I don't think I will be who I am today. Samantha, pig, Zhenni and the Bball guys. Whenever life seems to throw me a spanner in my life's works, they will be there to help me get out of the ditch. And of course, my dear Sam who tries to be always there whenever I needed her and pig for always being able to look from the positive light in life.

Next up, are my family members. Even though I don't tell them much but I guess family are like anchors in one's life. Unassuming and always there where you need them. Like when I need help, my sister helps and my brother who always kid around with me, just him kidding around makes my life a whole brighter.

Third, is Adeline. She have been a source of happiness as well as unhappiness in my life. She has shown me a while lot of myself, not indirectly but still she plays a major role in it. She taught me... Or rather her actions forces me to learn a lot of things in life. I do not know how long and whether in the long run, I will still be with her but as of now,I am thankful that I am in a relationship with her. Thankful that I have someone that I can care for. Thankful that I still have hope that she will be able to overcome her insecurities. Thankful that I am always and still learning a lot of myself due to her. Thankful that she still believes in us and that she didn't let me go then. Thankful that she had shown me that I have lost myself in the process of being in a relationship. Lastly, thankful that we still hold hands and shows me a side that many others wouldn't get to see.

Fourth, I am thankful for the various inspirational books and self help books out there in this world. For without them, I would be lost and be unable to think positive in life. Through them, I have learnt the power of being positive and that happiness is never a journey nor is it a destination but it is a choice.

Finally, I am thankful for myself. For being alive, for being able to be open to new ideas, for learning how to let go of certain things, for trying not to take life too seriously. Thankful that I didn't wallow in self despair. I know I am not the final product that i had envision myself to be, neither am I a mature adult yet that some are expecting me to be. It will happen when it happen. For now, at this moment, I am who I am and I shall make decisions as best to my abilities. And for that, I am thankful that I am given the moment to be able to do that. =)