Weird day...

I remebered that I told min that I wont want to go after muddy liao...however it didnt kinda end that way...i still do 'out of the blue' things and all for her...this is freaking strange sia...it doesnt sounds logical at all...she is totally different from sam. although they are similar in small ways but other than that...its different...hmm...this is kinda the no link sia...

Anw this morning as usual was watching 'Getbackers', a new anime that I have just found...not bad leh...very nice and the ED song was nice though its 49 episodes...lol..then went to buy breakfast and all. Haha...then LY called me, ask me to follow her to SIM so that she wont get lost...lol...I just followed her till CJC then after that let her ownself go lor....SIM is far leh...but I tink still ok lor from serangoon...went home to continue watching the anime...didnt realised that muddy sent me 2 msgs...and that she was coughing rather badly...dunno why suddenly rushed out and wanted to get the book that she wanted to her...and at the same to do my no. 4...but i tink its my mind's excuse to go out bah...went to beach road..thinking on cough cures...listening to MP3...and then She appeared in front of me...Sam...and paul too....I was stunned..serious! coz if I knw paul is ard in advance, I wil sort of like switch to the other mode..like other person..then she suddenly caught me by surprise today...was stunned...like blur blur de...dunno lah..just felt paiseh...so didnt really talk to her much, just ask her about cough cures and she immediately thot of muddy....dotz she too zai liao...sheesh...briefly talk with paul a bit...but somehow both of us today seems strangely quiet today...ya anw never tok much with her..dunno why but felt that I was rather cold to her.....felt kinda lousy...haiz..sianz...tink tht the past caught up with me again....sheesh...feel like i sort of disappointed her...tried not to tink abt it.

So went to beach road, then realised that the shop was not open...shucks sia...WTH...thot how lousy today was....rushed to popular to get a book for muddy and my mind kep coming with excuses on why I should get the book for her...in the end finally got it after like asking the assistant where was it..and all...wah scared me that cannot find..then isnt wasted. Thot of going to her hse and pass it to her...on the bus met Si jia...wah..my CJC senior...sia lah..and her mum...she looks so differently now...so beautiful though still got those dreamy eyes of hers...lol...haha...then talk a bit about NS and NTU and NDP lor...soon reached muddy place so alighted. thot wanted to just go up and surprised her...but thot otherwise...whew gd move sia cuz she was geylang there the poly clinic..sia lah...so told her tht i got a book for her..then ask me to take bus(s) over there....tink its too long so took a cab...lol and kept talking to the driver abt cabbie's earnings and the new car. Reached there then found her...realised that she was with a friend and it was a guy!!!..lol...no lah, dun have so strong a response but still a bit surprised..talked with the guy lor and knew that he is from SIM and just some1 that she recently got to knw off...talked a lot abt NS though he ORD liao...and stuff...realised that he is also interested in anime...so ya able to talk a bit lor...apparently she told him about me when he says that I am her good fren...I was like...er..ok..i Shy lei...lol...but kinda weird when he said this......took a bus with them, he didnt sit with her and there was an empty seat beside her and I just went to sit beside her lor...dunno why..suddenly made me tink of last year when paul juz sat beside sam and i was on the opposite...to me it seems like a move like' buzz off dude'..that kinda of thing...shucks sia...couldnt really believe I am doing such things...lol...like tis time damn aggressive lor...OMG...lol...anw gave the book to her and went home bah...

Often I wonder, why i am so crazy and aggressive this time round...or rather sometimes so irrational...being with muddy, just feels happy and fun lor...like not much stress de, maybe its after the episode last year...maybe its cuz I understand that " One must understand that one could fail but its ok" i tink thats smthg that I never grasp it properly last year so...ya...aiyah anw dun want to tink too much liao lah...sheesh..i hope I can quickly get over whatever and maybe go out with sam sometime and juz treat her as min or like ben and stuff...though sometimes I wonder how is that possible?? with paul also fighting for her time as well as her sisters...ya...but getting used to it liao...ah!!!!16km this wednesday!!! OMG=X

The deathly hallows...FINISHED!!!=D

Whoa...I have finished reading the last instalment of the Harry Potter series, the deathly hallows...And boy it is a damn bloody good book lor...like wad samuel like to say" Its not the ending that counts, its the process" and he is super right lor....the book rocks sia

In the end, it was a happy ending but there were a lot of deaths that cause many of the series's celebrated characters to be killed off. In this book, it shows a lot of various problems that each character is facing and to me , the surprise came in the form of Snape. Who would have thought that he love Harry's mum for so long and that he is so devoted to her and he had to lived with the pain of knowing that he caused the death of one that he love so dearly. He had given a lot to the order and at times he wasnt so much appreciated just like what Harry had felt. In the book, we also discovered that behind every hero, there is a past that is bad and will constantly comes back and haunt him...like dumbledore with his family past and background. This reminds me of a phrase " A true hero is one who admits and faced his own mistake and move on to help others"...

thanks for lending ur ear=)

Yesterday saw XM the ex whom is also ben^3 the sec. classmate...ok lah she looks rather decent and all anw ben^3 was like super sentimental over the whole stuff like how she from a small kid become so old and 'adult like' whereas we are like still stuck in our teenage mindsets..manning water points...lol...then LY oso called and told me about $4 million...lol..and apparently she is almost reaching the shore oso....another 5 to 10 more percent to go liao...jia you jia you!...haha and ya also kinda feel a bit like ben^3. Hmm...how to say..like happy for her to finally like get a guy, haha following wadever tht happens between them for so long and finally its going to be a happy ending and not forgetting tht I did play a part in it..lol....ya...but dunno why after all this, kinda feel a bit emo. and a bit down...like wad sam like to put it " So what incident happened ?" Cuz for me..sometimes it juz takes smthg small to cause me to think a lot about other stuffs...so in the end it leads to other prob(s).

LY said smthg like " wah nw u better ask me out, if nt , then very little chance liao"...haha actly its very small and a bit of joking cuz I knw tht she wont be like tht de...even if so, its normal but its like..a bit lonely liao as the rest all got their other halfs...eventually it lead to my other prob(s) like my family, myself, Sam and my purpose in life...

I went to look for muddy...I tink I kinda shocked her when I appeared downstairs at her block and wanting to talk to her...so met her....juz poured everything to her, from the small problems to others...she was really a good listener...she juz listen to me while I rants from almost everything and stuff...I mean, it is really nice to have such a fren by my side...of cuz in the end I felt better and a bit paiseh to her cuz I kept trying to end our conversation early as it was really late and didnt want to miss the last train.

Also left my ipod at her place..damn paiseh..lucky her dad managed to retrieve for me...shucks..was in such a rush to go home lor...bet her dad muz be tinking how did his daughter get to knw such a blur guy...lol...ya so not bad lor...hah realised some similarities between me and sam last year...the onli thing is that me and muddy juz swapped places...intriguing isn't? =P

this is crazy...

OMG...I think I m going bonkers man...shucks...suppose to keep myself in check..suppose to think logically..suppose to u knw..like chill a bit..wad am i doing sia!!! Today woke up, blur blur...went to watch DN angel...cuz i think can finish by noon or around there...until someone told me her traumatizing dream...watched DN angel the last few episodes...at 1st was heisitant, cuz its like..u knw...why muz go all out?...i mean...i thot i suppose to control myself..to u knw...chill...so didnt really bother till the episodes...dunno why..made me realised that time is short, so muz u knw..cheong..go and do wad u believe in...went out, bought it liao...so thot can meet up tml or smthg as she is sick then should be at hm...realised that there is orientation tml...but its like i keep like..u knw...pushing her to meet me..oh man..i think thts kinda, i mean like...kinda too pushy bah...feel tht a bit too gan cheong rite??...ahhh....WTH....sheesh...this sucks man...I think i am going crazy....i mean its like..well she is not interested in me, and why am i like u knw...going all out....in a way or so...

I need to calm down sia...juz nw called sam. , I think she muz be laughing at me again...tinking tht "here goes, eugene again"...lol...but later her sms was kinda nice...gt another one of those 'answers' again...as well as a bit of advice...ya..hah...tis best fren is scary..understand me too well liao=D...

TRANSFORMERS...robots in disguise

Whoa...juz now went to watch transformers...wah..and its damn cool sia...with optimus prime and all...cool sia..lol...quite sad that the pontiac got split into half..cuz it is quite a sexy car lor...lol...and the fight scenes were quite nice lor...wah make me remisience abt the past..especially when bumblebee 1st transform...I was like " whoa....", wah...super nice lor...AHHH...damn cool sia especially when he was being called a 'lousy car'...ahaha..then he changed into a chervolet camero....whoa....super cool!!..haha

Questions and dreamz...

( there is actually some reference to the previous entry)

Ben Song said this..." There are some questions that U cannot answer, thats y u cannot move"..I havent found those questions yet, maybe i had thot of it...but i thot i had the answers...heh...actually I dont. The conversation that I had with him, had been bugging me for a few days. Had to juz let out everything on jordan...eventually I still cannot find any answers to my doubts...untill that call

While I was with jordan, apparently muddy was trying to contact me but my phone was in silent mode...didnt knw that she called me...So when I was abt to go back to sleep, I saw her missed calls and msg...quite surprised that she called, wonder whats up...called back...she was crying...1st time heard her cry...told me about her dream and that scared that she was thinking of both yan and her sec. love...felt that she shouldnt be like that..scared, worried, confused..all the emotions from the past juz kept flowing back...dunno why but my voice soften and juz try to explain things to her...like how u tell a kid on why certain things happen to them...got this type of feeling that...erm how to put it..."dun worry, I have been there b4"..."its juz a dream, dun take it too seriously"..."everything will be alright de"...smthg like that lor. Talked for an hour plus, share with her my thoughts and a particular dream but nvr said the main character though...In the end , help her sort out her thoughts and she is alright lor=)

Tht day, called her...talk to her about yan, suddenly realised that she liked him a lot...like when juz say his name, she will perked up. Sort of heart-wrenching for me, could I have really fallen for her?...that question kept flowing thru my mind...my 1st reaction was to totally avoid her...maybe its that I am afraid that history will repeat again, or maybe i haven totally let go yet...I just want to avoid getting hurt again, thats all I want. But we all knw thats like freaking impossible if u like some1. Hmm...after thinking about it, I think I need to give myself more time ...to find back myself...to be independent and be stronger before I am ready for another jump. There are times when I am afraid that I will lose my chance with her...(do i really like her or i juz think i like her)...thats why i need this cool down period bewteen us...to see whether I really like her, for now we are juz frenz and if really really smthg blossom between us...we shall see...With so many questions, how could I ever be ready? so ya....time to CHILL and sort out myself

Similarities...

Juz completed Honey and Clover Season 2 liao..here are my thoughts...

In the end, takemoto didnt get along with Hagu-chan though he loved her a lot and gave what he thought was everything that he could possibly do. He was able to understand her, able to reach out to her and all but in the end he was still rejected. It was all a 1 sided affair to begin with...somehow or rather I found myself very drawn to this character. Maybe coz he went thru the same stuff as I did...so I can emphatise with him=). In the end , Hagu gave him smthg that she knows that he will definitely remember the memories that they had together...and he is able to find the answer to his question liao...and move on...

Last sunday, was playing bball with the guys as usual=)...damn fun lor and they kept saying that I muz be secretly training playing bball...HAH...I never lor!!!...maybe I become fitter thts all=P After everything. we start to catch up with each other and realised that Seong broke up liao...kinda sad bt I am sure its for the best..and glad to knw tht ren is getting used to OCS..n that jon is trying to get into OCT for police...and that ben song get a girlfren liao..OMG!!! thats like whoa...and her name is also samantha though she is from VJC...shucks another one attached liao...haha...

We had lunch together after that I went with ben song back and started chatting with him...in the end I finally told him about Sam and things that happen between both of us...he was in a shock and all...and he was juz dumbstruck...well thats the sort of reaction I am sure he will get...so ya...I juz talk to him and my state of mind at that moment...he suddenly made me realised a lot of things between me and her...

1)I am still attached to her one way or another
2)I wanted so much to go back to the past....b4 everything
3)There are questions that need answering...but I cant find them
4) Is it my fault?

These are the stuff that went thru my head after that conversation...he told me that I am confused....or rather lost in a forest...I thot I had gotten totally over her, I had already pushed everything away, kept in some forgotten place..hoping that I will never touch it again...I am ok when seeing her and paul...I accepted the fact that she is attached...but I think I never gotten past the stage when she is so part and parcel of my life...in a way she is not helping by having lots of other committment...but ya I also cannot blame her lor...Everyday I walked past or around my place, I look at the void deck tables, her fav place, the paths that we trod...the places that we hang out...then some memories will flow back as if as they had never been forgotten at all...really missed those times together and all...but everytime I thot of it, reality always hit me( and they say tht reality is harsh...true lor)...now there isnt much stuff tht we can hang out together for...no more studying together...no more sharing of stuffs( coz she has her other half..or maybe I am distancing away frm her)...I told her b4 that I miss the past...dunno whether she understand that its not the part when I am very in love with her and all but the times when we juz met and the times we had together.

Foolishly, I always thot that the time when I forget abt some1, it will be when I am able to accept the fact tht she is attached and all...and everything will be back the same.hah...how dumb and stupid i am, there is no way back and that I must also learn to let go of those memories and not struggling hard to hold them back anymore...I must let go of the dream of going back to b4. So..actually I still have a long way to go...