Seriously, I think I am really damn slack liao...come on eugene, got to start the ball going and moving...i guess will pick up the books tml den..lolz
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
魚躍在花見
Kinda like this show a lot...of course 80% is due to sashimi and sushi...and boy the sushi looks UBER OISHI...haha...I always got something for fishy stuff de...hehe...looking at the maguro, salmon and the other kinds of fish always get me high de. Anws, the soundtrack is also not bad.
Just now, caught the last episode just now. And I kinda like wad Julian's character said about fishing. He was emo-ing and liken fishing to life.
"Fishing is like Life. If you cast the net, you may catch a little fish or you may catch a whole school. However, if you don't cast the net at all, you will definitely catch no fish."
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Final Journey
The last night of the wake, I stayed awake the entire night. Making sure that cats dont go near the coffin and making sure the joss sticks are still burning. There are times where I will be stoning around and wrestle with notions about death,time, rituals,pride and the realities of the world. The following morning, we did the last rites,and just at the last moments, a moth came down and circle around us. From my eldest cousin to my youngest uncle and finally landed on my eldest uncle head. Now some of you guys may not buy it, but my family firmly believes that my ah gong came back as a moth. Then it was time for sending the coffin off, it drizzles slightly, and we walk with the coffin and my dad and uncles pushes the van. My dad started crying loudly, and my other uncles started sobbing, but by then, the moth had already flown away. It was a silent ride to Mandai Crematorium, held a last ritual and then we went to the viewing room where the coffin was sent to the burning area. Everyone cried and sobbed...and then we went back before heading back to Mandai again to collect the ashes. And to place it at the tablet located in one of the blocks. During the transferring process of the remains to the urn, all of us had to take a piece of his remains and place it inside. And when there is not enough space, the shi fu use a pounder to pound the remains into smaller pieces. After that, we took the urn to the final resting place, and did the last rituals and all. And thats the end.
Therein ends a man's life. The final closure of a person's stay on earth and to wherever the next realm is.For the living? Its a time to mourn, to reflect to cherish and to acknowledge something that is known as mortality.
Therein ends a man's life. The final closure of a person's stay on earth and to wherever the next realm is.For the living? Its a time to mourn, to reflect to cherish and to acknowledge something that is known as mortality.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Wake
The next day morning, I went for my NIKE run...I guess I need to exercise so to calm myself a little. Some ask me why I still ran, and truth be told, I was slightly afraid of people saying that I wasnt doing the right thing because my grandfather just passed away and I straight away resume my normal life. In any case, I still ran. Lather that day, the family went down and change into the funeral clothes and were given a crash course of the rites we needed to do.
Sometimes, I had to burn the paper money for 4 hrs alone with the coffin beside me, my mind tends to wander and of course, the incense can be rather hypnotic as well...and initially, its kinda freaky. But, I just kept on doing and tried not to think so much. My eldest cousin, ran most of the show as he has experience before over at his maternal side, so it wasnt too bad. I rmbr when I was young, I had attended my great grand parent wake as well and being ever timid, I was really afraid of funerals. And now, I am the one who am more involved in the rites and stuff, kneeling in front of well wishers, folding the paper money, burning them making sure the joss stick is always lit and the incense.
Last day of the wake, so I didnt went during the day as I had school, only maine was with my parents as ernest had exams as well. Evening, we went down and participate in the last rites as well as the burning of the paper house and stuff. These few days of the wake, I observed that funerals in some ways like a mini gathering where relatives pop by and kinda re-acquainted with each other, chatting and catching up with each other. Where friends came down to accompany the family members. Chatted with my cousin, whom we are not very close, as we only see each other once a year...yeap you guessed it, CNY. Didnt managed to strike a convo with my eldest cousin, just the younger one who is of similar age with ernest. So at least, there were some exchange of words and thoughts, as well as to be able to know abt her.
During the rites, I noticed that there were some roles where the eldest of the grandchildren had to fulfilled and I thought to my maternal side. I am not insinuating here bt my popo whom I am also very close to, is also roughly ard the same age of my ah gong. And this time, I was afraid of taking up any responsibilities and stuff, so I kinda want to prepare myself. Nonetheless, I had a sudden urge to spend more time with my popo, because time is not on my side now.
The last night, I didnt sleep and spend the night at the wake, playing monopoly deal with ernest and my younger cousin, making sure that what need to be done is done, making sure no cats nearby. Sometimes when everyone else is asleep, I am the only one awake and I just walk ard the void deck.Soon day breaks.
Sometimes, I had to burn the paper money for 4 hrs alone with the coffin beside me, my mind tends to wander and of course, the incense can be rather hypnotic as well...and initially, its kinda freaky. But, I just kept on doing and tried not to think so much. My eldest cousin, ran most of the show as he has experience before over at his maternal side, so it wasnt too bad. I rmbr when I was young, I had attended my great grand parent wake as well and being ever timid, I was really afraid of funerals. And now, I am the one who am more involved in the rites and stuff, kneeling in front of well wishers, folding the paper money, burning them making sure the joss stick is always lit and the incense.
Last day of the wake, so I didnt went during the day as I had school, only maine was with my parents as ernest had exams as well. Evening, we went down and participate in the last rites as well as the burning of the paper house and stuff. These few days of the wake, I observed that funerals in some ways like a mini gathering where relatives pop by and kinda re-acquainted with each other, chatting and catching up with each other. Where friends came down to accompany the family members. Chatted with my cousin, whom we are not very close, as we only see each other once a year...yeap you guessed it, CNY. Didnt managed to strike a convo with my eldest cousin, just the younger one who is of similar age with ernest. So at least, there were some exchange of words and thoughts, as well as to be able to know abt her.
During the rites, I noticed that there were some roles where the eldest of the grandchildren had to fulfilled and I thought to my maternal side. I am not insinuating here bt my popo whom I am also very close to, is also roughly ard the same age of my ah gong. And this time, I was afraid of taking up any responsibilities and stuff, so I kinda want to prepare myself. Nonetheless, I had a sudden urge to spend more time with my popo, because time is not on my side now.
The last night, I didnt sleep and spend the night at the wake, playing monopoly deal with ernest and my younger cousin, making sure that what need to be done is done, making sure no cats nearby. Sometimes when everyone else is asleep, I am the only one awake and I just walk ard the void deck.Soon day breaks.
The Passing
I don't really know where to start, but I will try to have a comprehensive and details of my thoughts and observations over the past few days. As some of you may know, my grandfather had just passed away on last saturday. Its actually pretty mentally as well as physically taxing and draining to say the least. His passing was really out of a sudden from my POV, friday my family went out for a sumptuous dinner and the next day, we got news that my grandpa was in hospital due to heart failure. After my morning lesson, I went back and my Dad told us to head down to the hospital as most probably its the last time already. I wasn't that close to my grandfather due to an incident that I happened to witness and till this day I still rmbered it. So I thought I will not be so affected by it. Upon reaching the hospital, looking at all the tubes and machines being attached to my grandfather, then I felt the realities of death. He is already in coma when I reached there, Ah ma ask my sis and me to call out to him, speaking in hokkien, she told him that we were there, i called out once Ah gong, the second time, I choked and started tearing....she ask him to wake up, there was slight increase in blood pressure or pulse when we called out to him...seems that he can still hear us but he can't respond. The next 4 hrs, he experience 6 more times of heart failure, and the docs say that they had already done whatever they could....
Ah ma went home as she didnt want to stay there and see. My eldest uncle went back with her. Ard 6.20 pm, we went in and surround him, by then my other cousins had already arrive as well, we didnt knw what to say, there were silence among us as well as the constant sobbing sounds. Its really...heart wrenching, when we saw the pulse or blood pressure kept decreasing...60..14...11...eventually zero and the one straight line comes out. Then the adults left the ICU to handle the necessary procedures, leaving us..the grandchildren alone behind. We were silent throughout, and just look at him, each of us absorbed in our thoughts. I thought back everything and tried to see if I can recollect any memories of my Ah Gong besides that incident, I recalled some recollections when I was still young and he will bring me around the neighbourhood, speaking english to me as he is english educated unlike my maternal side.Before he got dementia, he will always be reading the papers in the morning while I would be eating my maggie mee with ernest or maine beside me. Then he will go out to central for his daily roamings, there was a few times where I bump into him at the interchange and say hi. Sometimes, I would avoid him...I dont knw...I guess its the youth period bah. I prayed during that silent period, when my mum came in and said its over and thats the end.
All 3 of us were tearing and sobbing, as I left the ICU, I saw young kids running around.Truly the hospital where life begins and where life will ends.
Ah ma went home as she didnt want to stay there and see. My eldest uncle went back with her. Ard 6.20 pm, we went in and surround him, by then my other cousins had already arrive as well, we didnt knw what to say, there were silence among us as well as the constant sobbing sounds. Its really...heart wrenching, when we saw the pulse or blood pressure kept decreasing...60..14...11...eventually zero and the one straight line comes out. Then the adults left the ICU to handle the necessary procedures, leaving us..the grandchildren alone behind. We were silent throughout, and just look at him, each of us absorbed in our thoughts. I thought back everything and tried to see if I can recollect any memories of my Ah Gong besides that incident, I recalled some recollections when I was still young and he will bring me around the neighbourhood, speaking english to me as he is english educated unlike my maternal side.Before he got dementia, he will always be reading the papers in the morning while I would be eating my maggie mee with ernest or maine beside me. Then he will go out to central for his daily roamings, there was a few times where I bump into him at the interchange and say hi. Sometimes, I would avoid him...I dont knw...I guess its the youth period bah. I prayed during that silent period, when my mum came in and said its over and thats the end.
All 3 of us were tearing and sobbing, as I left the ICU, I saw young kids running around.Truly the hospital where life begins and where life will ends.
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