So I believe I had mentioned before in my previous posts about my uncle david from my dad's side who is going through a very bad time. With his divorce or separation and also to deal with the aftermath of the fallout between our second uncle and himself which is like a sore wedge between all the brothers.
TL:DR during Ah Ma passing that period, it seems that my uncle David was also going through a separation between my auntie and himself and also that both my cousins decided to follow my auntie. During that period, my second uncle, being his usual egotistic and insensitive self, kept trying to get my uncle David to do some things for him and also bypassing command and contacting my cousin directly. At the same time, with his temper as well as his insensitive comments eventually push uncle David over the edge( at that same time, he was facing his separation issue), and cause my uncle David to implode that he tried to literally punch him. So ever since then, there is always this thing between uncle David and the rest of the uncles, including my dad. Of course, we are all worried for him because it seems like he has lost the will to live , to move forward. His front teeth dropped out and he didn't go to fix it, he is not getting enough sleep for 2 years, his views of the world are all dark and slightly warped. He mentioned that he just went home and then zoned out, kept crying then started the day all over again. His health also went downhill with Shingles and also fainted at home, with no one knowing that he fainted, only to regain consciousness again after a while(God knows how long).
On the problem with my second uncle, it seems that at this rate, things probably will not be getting any better between all of them. But hopefully it will mellow and things can be better in the future but definitely not in the short term I believe.
On the problem with his marriage, I feel that whatever happens in the past, was something that can be avoided but unfortunately, at the end of the day, if it failed , it failed. So last week, we 3 kids met up with Uncle David to listen and to advise him but end of the day, if he feels that there is no way forward in that end. For us kids, so be it because ultimately we cannot advise too much without knowing the context but based on our marriage experience(s), what happened in the past could be mitigated and there is still a chance to reconcile in our opinion. However, like I say, we don't know the full context so maybe he had tried but my auntie is an absolute no. I would like to think that's not the case and I really wanted to know what my auntie thinks. Sadly, my uncle feels that if we sound her out then there is a possibility that we may disturb the current dynamics such that my auntie won't ever want to meet up with him or rather allow their daughters to meet up with him anymore. Unfortunately, that option is closed to me but my intuition or curiosity feel that if I meet up with Auntie then there might be something I could help in a way, maybe not be the bridge between them but more of guiding them to understand my uncle personality and for him to want to change. Anyways, I don't really have a clue what actually happened that caused my auntie to go down this route, is it the constant negativity or is it he did something wrong.
Because I was also pretty similar with my uncle for a period of time and I am sure I had made Cat feel really unhappy in the relationship. The situation that got me thinking was that one day Cat had suddenly woken up from a dream and cried that I will leave her because it feels like she was the one that make me unhappy. All along I thought that she was the one not happy with me but when it became apparent that I was the one making her unhappy, it kinda trigger a change in my mindset that I need to recognize and acknowledge that all along I was the problem.
Maybe it also seems to coincide with me reading about imposter syndrome and pulling away from work anxiety issues that also allows me to take a step back and acknowledge where things are going or maybe like the fengshui winds are changing for the better. But I got a better understanding of my mindset and on how to move forward.
It is scary personally because I feel that both my uncle and I have the same kind of personality and that there were so many similarities in how we perceive things. I think what kinda saved me from spiralling every deeper was that Cat was more patient and held on longer and also probably I was pulled away from the unseen pressures of being in Singaporean Society. Once abroad, one's perspectives will changed and that one will realise that society at large is pretty big and that actually we are pretty much always in control of what we do and think. There are other ways of living life and that the world is a very big place. I know that I am privileged to be able to travel to many places by my age and also the opportunity to live abroad albeit a short period of time. So I know that there are possible many people who don't or unable to have the opportunity to do so. Hopefully, for them they are able to find their peace wherever they are in life. For my uncle, I had wished that when I am back, I would be able to help him better as I now see things a bit differently and that I also have the emotional capacity to do so but alas, his divorce and separation had happened while I was not at the right stage of mind and also when I was far away in Sydney.
It is unfortunate that not many people understand HSPs and how they work and comprehend things, also within HSPs there are many different kind of mindsets and characters which lead them to do what they do. Luckily there are more information online for people like us but it is still up to us on how to set ourselves up for society as currently in Singapore Society, I do not believe that it is ready for HSPs nor society really know how to handle us at our worsts.
Back to my Uncle David case, I hope that he will be able to find his peace and his motivation in life because he is only 51 or so and that still have a good second part of life to carry on. I am not sure if he has an underlying belly of fire, I know that for me, once I am at an absolute bottom, maybe some show or something will kickstart a fight in me and will rage against the world and to continue to fight back so to get my life back. I feel that I get that from my mom, but I'm not sure if my uncle has that in it because it feels like for quite a few phases of life, he ran away from a challenge. Although right now he is raging against my second uncle for his insensitivity and unfair treatment but to what avail, I feel that his anger is targeted at a spectre and not at what life throws at him.