1) It is really not easy raising a special needs kid
The effort and the attention that one needs to focus and watch over the child is really tough. Furthermore, in Asian society, where judgements are very easy to come by, being parents is as much physically as much as mentally. Seeing Manfred whom is 17 years old but the mindset is stuck at 10 years old, the over-reliance on the mother whom is getting older is very worrying especially for the outsiders like myself. Furthermore, due to the extreme stress, his dad is also unable to keep it together and leave it all to Manfred's mother to handle him.
These 10 days of travelling with the family, for me when I travel with him, the random loud noises and random marching around with little disregard for how society moves also make me more conscious about people views about us. I can see some people being afraid or being not happy that we are disturbing the peace and it kinda make me a bit embarrassed initially. But as time passes, I felt it less and I moved more towards to how can I keep the group in a position where we don't cause a commotion as well as not to disturb any others. Luckily, for England being a western society which are more inclusive, people are generally understanding and don't shoot as many judging looks as compared to an Asian society.
When he was dancing to loud music in the streets like randomly, a guy passed by and praised his dancing and Manfred was so happy. I am sure in Singapore or other Asian countries, we will be met with either people dissing or maybe potentially getting whacked. Of course not saying that it will definitely happen but the chances are higher in Asia I reckon.
2) A powerful passport; a home and a job to pay off bills.
Throughout the trip, I was trying to teach her aunts and uncle on things with travelling in Europe countries and being careful when going out at certain time. I realize that in a way at times I was nagging as well as trying to protect them from being targeted if any. It kinda dawns on me that I am aware of these because of watching content on youtube as well as being real privilege in travelling to many countries. To experience so many things and cultures in the countries that I visited. My so-called sabbatical in Sydney also opens up my eyes to how things work and how we can respond. Looking at various homeless around England and us eating at restaurants almost on a daily basis just makes me feel like we are way more privilege than so many people around the world. For most Europeans or people that I met, taking a long flight out is like a once in 3 years event or only if they are moving across countries. However, us Singaporeans, are already like clocking least twice long distance flights( anything above 5 hours) a year?
3) Grass is always greener on the other side.
On the first night in Manchester, Cat's fourth aunt asked whether I would consider staying in UK, SYD or SNG. Naturally, I rank SNG,SYD then the UK last. Otherwise, we won't be back in SG anyways. So she mention that the rest of the aunts want to move out of HK because of the political uncertainty and that HK is no longer what it once was due to the political scene being more and more stifled. If I am a younger person, yes I do think its better to move away but being so senior and physically not as mobile, is it wise to move due to feeling oppressed ? I am not too sure. Of course, I am not a hongkonger so I can never fully understand why being politically free is so important and my practical side of me as a singaporean just feel that being in HK, least its familiar surroundings and for the next 10 years or so the government will take care of you although maybe not as well I would think but least its familiar surroundings. Now going over to a cold and unfamiliar place, which are definitely not senior citizen friendly and no sense of familiarity, is it worth it ? I don't know but who knows, a change of environment will make one feel less tense and the body will then recover.
4) Money is not everything but it helps to buy comfort
So during this trip, after the driving experience, there had been a lot of unexpected costs and parking fees which result in more monies being spent. In the past, I am sure my parents would have not been happy in paying such fees and all and that I should have been more careful. Cat's uncle made this comment that don't have to worry as long as money can solve the problem. It kinda hits me that having money is like a cushion to soften any unintended circumstances. So because we have money we can remove the worry about not being able to pay for the fees and eventually maybe being dealt with a criminal charge. So in that context, we don't put all of life for money because its just for future comfort but at the same time, we should strive more if possible and to be more intentional with spending so to build up the cushion.
5) We are all just traumatized individuals.
Regardless of where any human being is being raised, we are all being impacted by our childhood and our early environment following our formative years and then eventually adult working life. Only when one is old enough and reaches a sense of wisdom, will one realize the various follies as well as the reason why things had happened. Hearing about Cat's aunts and uncle history just make me think about their growing up environment and their prime years, it just make me so much more empathetic and understanding why people do the things they do. By being able to understand that , it makes me feel much calmer and understand that people are not inherently bad or rude and most of the time, it has nothing to do with yourself. It will be beneficial if we all know our triggers and restrain ourselves before performing any emotionally driven action. Maybe more relationships can be saved that way and families might stayed together and thus reducing the trauma on to future generations.