After hearing cat story about her own r/s and her own issues, I can totally empathise her feelings and all. Because I think that for mine and hers , we are pretty much the same. I guess deep down, we both knew that should we give up, our r/s will be over. We both knew our partners are not the kind who are proactive and that to put it bluntly, they are not the kind who will think about us or put us first in their lives. For them, other things are of more important priorities. However, I feel that we 2 are neither quitters, we still hold on to that hope or something that one day, things will improve or somewhat. It sounds unhealthy I know, but isn't that what most r/s are about? From a 3rd party pov, it will always be unhealthy, but for the players there is a side that we had seen and maybe thats our motivational power.
On my part, I think I need to sit her down and talk to her. I did talk to her last thursday, but I am not sure she gets the gist. Because like sam, she will give no response whenever I so call talk serious things with her. She will just keep quiet and I have basically no idea what she is thinking of feeling, is she angry? is she guilty? and things like that. I still love her, I know I still do but now I am having that feeling of unloved. The feeling that why am I doing all this? It feels that I am doing all the work. It always takes 2 to clap, not one... Like my emotional love tank is near empty...
Essentially, thoughts/craps/rants of my life
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Friday, February 01, 2013
Life as we knows it, begins now
Met up with samantha yesterday for some catch up time with each other. Learnt that she wasn't feeling well, think its over heatiness and her work load. Listening to her, I am still amazed at the stuff that she does, but its of no surprise to me, I guess....kinda knew that she is meant for such things and not the geography teacher that she had envisioned herself in the past. Knew that I see people quite zhun de...haha...
In the past, I used to want to be like her, to strive and be up there and show the world what a successful person is. However, over time, I don't think that is truly my calling. As we were both enjoying the breeze and the starlit skies( we both love stars) and the silence around us( except a phone ringing) at our favourite spot, I said that I could never follow the path that she had chosen. While I was looking at the stars, I told her that I valued the breeze,the stars and silence way more den the chosen path of climbing the corporate ladder. I still believe in my goal of financial freedom, the point where money will not be a problem in my life. I don't need to earn crazy loads of money, just enough to support my lifestyle and make money not a crucial problem in my life. What really holds in stall for me in life , I still do not know. I was talking with Rachel today about some of our life's goals and all and slightly on the topic of gut feeling. She believes in waiting for the time is right, and to a lesser extent she is right. However, I do believe that everyday there is an opportunity and all, and just now, we had an idea about marketing Jeric's mum awesome salads to people around our workplace area and all. Of course, this is just some talk but talks do become reality in some cases. So, who knows? we might really embarked on it. To tell you the truth, I don't exactly know what I should be doing and all, I know where is my general direction and all, however, so far I have been doing things that my gut feeling tells me that its the right thing to do.
Well, the new year is approaching, I can kinda feel the winds are changing, the tides are also changing. I can feel that this might be a good year, so its time to be positive and embarked on challenges and projects that I have delayed for far too long. Time to grab any opportunity that comes my way and do my best and life will works out itself.
In the past, I used to want to be like her, to strive and be up there and show the world what a successful person is. However, over time, I don't think that is truly my calling. As we were both enjoying the breeze and the starlit skies( we both love stars) and the silence around us( except a phone ringing) at our favourite spot, I said that I could never follow the path that she had chosen. While I was looking at the stars, I told her that I valued the breeze,the stars and silence way more den the chosen path of climbing the corporate ladder. I still believe in my goal of financial freedom, the point where money will not be a problem in my life. I don't need to earn crazy loads of money, just enough to support my lifestyle and make money not a crucial problem in my life. What really holds in stall for me in life , I still do not know. I was talking with Rachel today about some of our life's goals and all and slightly on the topic of gut feeling. She believes in waiting for the time is right, and to a lesser extent she is right. However, I do believe that everyday there is an opportunity and all, and just now, we had an idea about marketing Jeric's mum awesome salads to people around our workplace area and all. Of course, this is just some talk but talks do become reality in some cases. So, who knows? we might really embarked on it. To tell you the truth, I don't exactly know what I should be doing and all, I know where is my general direction and all, however, so far I have been doing things that my gut feeling tells me that its the right thing to do.
Well, the new year is approaching, I can kinda feel the winds are changing, the tides are also changing. I can feel that this might be a good year, so its time to be positive and embarked on challenges and projects that I have delayed for far too long. Time to grab any opportunity that comes my way and do my best and life will works out itself.
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