predecessor

I was reading some of my old posts, when I happen to chance upon a post which was just after the break up with Adeline. The title was " I chose Life". Curious about it, I clicked the link and viola it brought me back to 2 years ago. Where my time was bleak and depressing.

You know. One thing about blogs is that it allows our past selves to communicate with our current self. After reading the post, I was slightly inspired and in a way, allows me to carry on believing and living just for a little bit.

The art of keeping Journals, I believe ..is like this blog. Far too many people dont keep any records or some sort these days. With technology all around us, these small things in life slowly but surely disappear. And thats why maybe I decide to write Christmas cards to people every year. To those that I had neglected, those that had touch my life one way or another, those that I used to love and those that I am grateful for accepting me as a friend and listen to me through out the years. And its really sometimes when one really sit down and write, can one feels how close you are to that person, writing slows your train of thought. Forcing you to write after you think and not like many a times, say things without thinking at all.

I like to liken a Journal as a Pensieve from Harry Potter. There are so many things that happens to everyone's life and thought we have an awesome apparatus called a brain. We can't pulled out any memory that we want at will, its somewhere deep down but we can't find it. Hence, a journal will be a good thing to know that events happen in once life.

For all we know, your past self maybe actually helping you in the future. A ghost. 

2015

It has been a super long time since I last blog about my life or anything in particular. Just today, I kinda stop doing things that I have to do, but went on to do things I want to do. I just purchased some e-books from Amazon store and reading on my now ( loan to me by dear) kindle. I have to admit, why did I take so long to own a kindle? I spent the entire afternoon reading this book titled " The Boys in the Boat: 9 Americans and their Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics"

I decided that I am going to blog a lot more this year compared to last year. Be it happy things or emotional things, I guess its a good way to de stress and for me to clear my head. 2014 have been a year that just zooms past like a locomotive, I am adamant not to let 2015 run away from me like a wild horse. I am going to grasp the reins and rein in the year like a thoroughbred. Towards the end of 2014, there were a lot of things that were constantly running through my head. Start a business. Pick up new skills. Study for CFA, Quit my job. Job is mundane. Need to get out of this quagmire. Everyday, I am constantly badgered or thinking about one of those things and as an effect, start to psycho-analyse myself again. Why am I lazy? Why aren't you doing up your resume? Why am I not studying? Why...a lot of Whys. Start to immerse myself into psycho-ing myself with motivational videos, Everyday, at gym and in the morning, I listen to motivational videos on YouTube. There were days I was inspired, mostly, I think I got numbed due to the number of times I have been listening.

I came to a conclusion that most success stories all came from an innate desire to achieve something. Hence, I too decided to set out to find that desire. I told myself I want to have financial freedom, so I want a million by 30, I want to lose weight to 74 kg by March 2015( Now am on 82 kg). Well,  I think I am closer to the weight loss then the million dollar net worth.

I like this quote from Eric Thomas the Hip Hop Preacher: " Most of you say that you want to be successful. You don't want it bad. You just kinda want it." Do you want it so bad that you are willing to forgo sleep ? Do you want it so bad that you forgo the opportunity to go party? At the end, its how much you really want something to work for it. I guess its the same for everyone, I told myself I want to have a Million by 30. I guess I just kinda want it. If  I do really want the million, I most probably would be doing something else by now instead of here typing this out on a Blog. I want to quit my job, but I am still not done with an updated resume.

I am still searching. I think I should leave the negatives and anxieties back in 2014. And start 2015 with a new slate. I was so anxious to get out of the job , at times, make me wonder whether am I anxious to get out of a routine or is the job itself. Recently, during work, I was so indifferent about things that I don't really give a shit whether I had loads of volume or some shit happens. I will just be like, Oks just go through it lo.In all actuality, its both. I came to realise this 2 things that I don't really like. I don't want to be a hamster. My current job and life are 2 exact examples of a hamster. I still couldn't get used nor grasp the idea of running on a treadmill in a gym. Another perfect example of a hamster. So my impending resignation from this company is imminent. I just have to do the things, the new routines to make it happen. And not dwell in the reasons why I have to resign. But rather to perform the tasks needed to resign. So that's for the career portion.

Next is life. Time to really...fuck all worries and unnecessary procrastination and get some shit done. Time I have in a day, stems from 5 am to 10.30 pm. Got to sleep between 11.30 and 12 midnight. Between this 17 and a half hours that I have, I will have to make them count. So decided to do up a schedule for everyday, don't think will want to fill up my Google calender with it, might be too messy and all. So , will be getting a smaller planner tomorrow or something. I have no idea whether this will actually helps me a not, but it beats not following anything. If Samantha can get so many things done in a day, I am pretty sure I can do. If there are guys and girls out there who are doing what people said was tough, I am sure I can do.