28 on 28 July 2016

Its the end of my 5th ICT, well not officially that is as we still have the cohesion tomorrow, Away from work or reality is really good. I met up with Samantha yesterday as well. It was always good to have a chat with Sam. Looking at  her Pregnant and all, her face gotten rounder. I keep thinking back about the time where she was at my place and we took that photo without specs. 10 years on, and we both were sitting St Marc's drinking Matcha tea. Me slouching in my chair and she trying to adjust her huge tummy. I wanted to take a selfie showing the situation. But somehow, pictures of us were somehow always few and little. So that didn't really work out...haha. Somehow, yesterday session, seems to be a lot of loud laughter and bit of nostalgia ( which is always the case) and... I am not sure how to put it in words. Looking at her and myself, I felt a strong surge of love , not that of Cat and me, but more of family. I think I had a post that talks about it, a few years ago. Family, familiar and warm. Like what Victor Frankl had said before, love is a great and purifying effect on person. Warmth, yes I think the word to use here should be Warmth. I felt kinda happy to know that she is well and looking forward to her kid, her new look on life I would say. Like what Pat said, Jovial.

It kinda soften the negative side of me which was allowed to spread pretty quickly in recent times. It always seems to be the elephant of the room, this negativity. I would usually termed it as reality. Its not like sam doesn't have them, she also worries a lot but she will act upon it. I just worry and worry. That's the difference. So I guess the warmth and family feeling that I felt kinda chase the dark clouds away from my mind. A lot of the clouds were probably seeded by myself, I was worried about not having enough money to take care of cat and build my own family. I want to kind of fulfill cat's dream of having a farm. Having read so many psychological and mental well being books, it is really all about the thoughts that you allow to creep into your mind that is causing the whole damage. Thinking back , even for things that happened before, it is also largely caused by my own negative thoughts. And it will have a subsequent ripple effects on the rest. Using snooker as an analogy, once the white ball hits the top of the pyramid, the force is transferred to the rest.

The next thought to have: I will be able to find a new job.

I don't really know when it will be, but I will have to keep trying. Time to return back to my old times of sending 100 resumes out and keeping an open mind of things. At the same time, continue my Coursera courses and just be positive at work. During those breaktimes, read up more on personal finance, articles and kindle books. Most importantly is to smile and be positive at work , I guess. To have faith, belief that everything will turn out right.

At the end of the day, I believe the most important thing is to believe. Believe that the world has great plans for each and every one of us. Believe that my plans will come to fruition. Believe that I am making progress. Believe that I can grow. Believe that I will able to see greater things further than the horizon. Believe.

These few days, while on the way to camp, I was constantly treated by beautiful clouds formation and sun rises. The place has never changed and the weather is still pretty much the same. Unlike in the past where I will lament on how could I ever missed them, I felt that I should be in the moment and soak in the beauty of nature. When I chose that thought, I felt free. Free from the chains of the negativity that has made me a prisoner of my thoughts. The world is truly a beautiful place. Even here in Singapore. When one is a prisoner of negative thoughts, no matter when he is, he will never be freed and will never be immersed in the beauty of the now.

So believe and smile, Eugene, Things will be better and nothing can stop you from achieving whatever you want to.