Supposed to be blogging once every week as part of my mental wellness checklist so that I can clear the stuffs lingering in my head and just basically journal things in here. It's like a form of decluttering. Well apparently last week I failed le..lol..as I didn't manage to journal an entry. In any case, sometimes there isn't anything right.
Anyways, today as usual was playing Youtube music while I was hanging clothes and then the AI code decided to play songs from Chinese music shows where they bring back the 2000s singers and sing their old hits. Stop for a pause,listen and watched the emo MVs.
It brings back memories and nostalgia where I find solace in the sad music especially the Chinese songs. It brings back the feelings and emotions I went through while I was young. Like sometimes I will imagine myself to be the protagonist in the MVs and that life is so melancholic and things like that. At the same time, at the end of the song, some songs end with a positive note and I will console myself that things will get better.
Some songs brought some feelings that when I was younger that the future will be so bright and good and that things will always work out in the end. Now the older me feels that at the end somehow all those love songs and things like this don't really matter much these days to me. It's as if those past feelings were inconsequential.
Maybe for the past years or so, I hadn't been living life intentionally or should I say being myself. I think I had been like auto pilot, like doing things that seems to be the right thing to do or that my moral codes feel obligated to. In a way , I cease to be alive in my own soul and exist as an empty shell. Probably that's why I feel that the past years had been lost to me. I kinda lost my career direction, lost what's like to love Cat, lost the reason why I wake up every morning and basically in a bare minimum survival mode day after day.
Recently my Mum found a new Fengshui Master as she is moving house soon and our current FS Master is gonna retire soon. So my Mum shared the YouTube channel of the new master and got me to check him out and see if he is alright. So watched a video that he done up on the Dragon for the year 2023 and that he mentioned that this year Dragon should always smile and laugh regardless of what happens.
He also mentioned that Dragon should lose 3 things in their life this year for it to get better. He mention its not like material things but more like 3 mindset/lifestyle/habits. Well, moving here to Sydney is one of them. I guess being unemployed is probably another one. The last one I had been thinking for some time and I think it might be some of the old values that I inexplicably hold myself to.
Like how I see things in life, how I react to and how I held things/emotions for a very long time. Probably I should learn from Marly and it's good to have STM haha.
I guess this year should be another change mindset/reset year.
Once was in NS when after a few years I then decided to let go of my desire of being together with Sam and instead to be her friend that will always try to be there for her whenever she needs me till the end of time.
Second time I think was my break up with Adeline amidst the year when I was looking for a job. I decided to let go of my idea of needing to be with someone even though the relationship was definitely not right for me at that time. Also to not let go of my dream of working for a bank at that time. Coincidentally, that year was also the year I got together with Cat and I got my job at BNP.
Hopefully, this year will also be that reset year for me. The year where I change so that I can live the best version of myself.
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