Understanding myself-Part 1

Earlier in the day, GK got back to me about his cash contribution was rejected by the CPF to his SA account and commented that he will prefer to leave it in the SRS instead. As a result, I decided to search online for more details and found some articles that were on one of the more influential financial blogger “Investment Moats”.
As I was reading the articles, I started to get real excited about the different building blocks of the “wealth machines” model that he was espousing. It gets me excited to read up more and start building up my own model and having it work on its own. Recently, I had been trying to be more mindful and trying to find my way in life, trying to better understand what I like and what I don't like.
It seems that I am excited about building things or processes. For example, I could spend time trying to fine tune an excel spreadsheet and troubleshooting and trying to make it better. It always gives me a huge satisfaction to see things that I had built to be working fine and effectively. I also realize that I like to organized stuffs, like pack my room, like to know where I can find things and stuffs, track my possessions. Basically, having control over my life.
I guess that is probably why previously when I attended the UX design talk, I felt really connected to it. It is definitely more a designing kind of role as compared to a technical kind, but I felt that I can reconcile with the idea of providing a more complete user experience (i.e. processes) for people. In a way, you can say that I like to solve problems. Whether it is a process kind of problem or a genuine problem (provided I know and have the tools to do so).
For some time, I had thought that I am more of an inquisitive person, just wanting to know how things work. However, for some reason, I cannot safely say that's entirely the case. There are times that I went all the way to understand things but there are some times, I just basically give up at some point. Now, I figure maybe the reason for the difference is due to the whether the information is able to help me solve the problem or whether the information is just for me to know why a certain thing work in a certain way.  For example, I knew of the tool “Pivot Table” in excel and I always wanted to learn how it works and all like way before I started work. However, I never gotten round to learning about it until recently when I need to dissect a bunch of data for work purposes. Not saying that I am a pro at it now, but least I started somewhere.
I had initially wanted to be a research person, you know like those equity analyst and things like that. Then I found out my passion for research ends at the point where statistics are at play, which I am not good at. However, I do like to keep digging up info and establishing an opinion on it and to have a system in place before a trade. Again it will not be like a random thing where I just suddenly want to research on it, it is most probably when a friend or closed ones who require the information. Only then will I go and do it.
I realize I also like to advise people, but I do not like to force sell things to people. And most probably why I like to advise people is because it could solve their problems. Sales sometimes mean that you have to force sell to people just to meet your KPI, not exactly my kind of role.

So here is the summary.
• I like to build and create processes.
• I like to solve problems provided I have the tools and means to do so.
• Most of my motivations are helping people to solve problems, things that only affect me and seeing thru a project.
• I like to have an opinion on things and be organized about it.
• I like to have a certain degree of control of my life.

Let's GO

I think my emotions come and go; that’s why some people always say I’m like a female. My character seems to sometimes be positive and at times be downright negative. Today am the only one at work, Kok Whee is on leave for the next 2 days and I guess in some ways I feel isolated. Then there were 2 incidents in the morning that stood out. One was luckily that Diana was still able to fund it because I kind of missed out passing the funding details to her. Secondly, was a document that needed to be vet and Magdalene got back saying that she wants an agreement between IFA and us to agree that IFA will handle such documents and say wait for Kok Whee to come back and search. Kind of give me the fact that she do not trust me and need Kok Whee to get the agreement. Of course, as I type this, I felt that I might be thinking just too much. Then, the IFA team that requests the document says has to be done by Monday and that’s when Kok Whee is back.
So under such a backdrop, I don't know why suddenly felt very downcast and gloomy. I can feel the negativity creeping below my heart, as my heart feels a little heavy. Oks, lets solve this.
I recognize that I am feeling downcast, I know the reasons why I am feeling this or in a way, where the negativity is feeding from. I got to be more in the present. Take mindful breaths. I am still alive, the cool air that I breathe in and the warm air that I breathe out.
Lets go.

First post of 2017

It has already been a month and 15 days since the start of 2017. Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day has already passed and this is my first post for the year 2017. I think this year so far has been kind of a “next phase in life” year. Watching Scandal on YouTube, I just realized that a good decade has passed and the School uniform guitar jamming girls have evolved into young fashionistas. Not to mention, they have gotten more attractive!
I have been thinking what my first post of the year would be. And seriously, right till to this point, I still cannot think of a particular topic to start the year with. I had tons of ideas and feelings and memories that kind of floating around my mind. All of them shouting “Pick me! Pick me!” seriously like a bunch of ladies attending the Ellen’s show.
Scrolling down Instagram, I start to see some couples celebrating Valentine’s Day with their kids and some couples celebrating their successful proposals. Holding Victoria in my hands last December also kind of like “Whoa…this is Sam’s kid”. Totally surreal kind of feeling.
Do I miss the young times? I recently commented on 22 years old as younglings. Crap I am f**** old. In any case, I did spend some time thinking back and I think some memories are loosening their hold on me already and some I can still remember as it was vividly. The emotions attached to my secondary school days are slowly fading; most and even my primary school are now just memories, emotionless memories. Part and parcel if you ask me. Haha.
I no longer have the “Do you regret anything?” faze; maybe I kind of out-grown it.  Or maybe my mindset has changed a little. Might probably because life gotten a little stale. It’s true that one’s growth ties exponentially with tough times.
Someone once commented that as we all grows older, our circles get smaller, and we start to shed the excesses. When in our teens as well as school life, we always have tons of activity going for us. Clubbing, Gaming, Chasing girls and just hanging out, oh and of course mugging.  As soon as we got settled into working life, time suddenly got hyper inflated in value and it begins to be an opportunity cost game for most of us. Leading us to shed our excesses in life and be selective with our social interactions.  It will be further downwards from here once a kid pops up.
Pretty depressing and gloomy right?
Well since 2017 is a year for the dragon, must be more positive! Come on! Hahaha
Yesterday, attended my first introduction to UX design workshop at General Assembly. Pretty cool place, like those tech companies in the states kind of layout. I was rather intrigued and excited about UX design and felt that I can relate a lot to it. However, taking a step back, UX designers are still not considered like hot property in companies yet and I reckon it will take some time to catch on. It’s great to know that local banks have been actively using UX experience to create their products these days. I guess as like all designers, one must have a good portfolio before one can grab a job no matter what your qualifications are.  GK felt that I am more suited to the technical aspect of stuffs though I personally feel that I am not so much with the technicalities. When I created my spreadsheet and macro for settlements team, its true I learn and read up on excel and implement.  However, I need to do a design of the process before able to use the excel formulas to get the results I want. In any case, I am also attending a Data Analytics course on the 27th at GA too, so we shall see how that goes. I am pretty stocked about being able to learn new stuffs for some reason. I am most probably bored.
I am also trying to kick start my CFA mugging sessions again and now am committed to going to office early so to mug for a good 50 minutes before Kok Whee comes in. Seriously, after chatting with Kevin, whom is a hedge fund manager, it seems to me that research analyst in the long run might not be the way to go anymore. As more and more people do their own DD, less needs for research departments. He did recommend me to try to head to Investment Councilors or Services side which we do have in BNP SG. HR told me they usually hire like 8 to 10 years of experience workers, so it's a bit of a challenge for me to enter given where I am now.
That’s partly the reason why I am also exploring the IT industry as well because I believe that my current skillset and even CFAs are not really enough. Besides, I can’t deny that IT is pretty fun and cool and it's the future. Maybe I can get a place somewhere in the FinTech area too.
Time to get the year started! Fighting!!

Resigned to Fate

I think this is pretty much recurrent in my life.

Initial huge drive, seems to be of little progress, take a break, find excuses and then resigned to fate.

It definitely makes me feel bad and weak whenever I had noticed that life seems to be going be just that. At times, I do feel sick in the stomach when I know that I had become a drifter.  Ah yes, a drifter. The proverbial someone whom is akin to a drift wood on the ocean, just drifting wherever the ocean brings it.

Here is a story.

After months of floating on the ocean in a life boat, I awake to find sea gulls in the air. Was I hallucinating? Shrills of the gulls once again penetrated my skull. LAND!! I have reach land!! I looked out of the boat, and there it was, the sandy beaches and towering mountains with clear blue landings. It was my lucky day; even the currents were pushing me towards a landing. I bolted out of the boat, like a kid chasing an ice cream truck, and I knelt down on the soft sand. Finally, I have reached an island.

Of course, this is not an end to all my troubles. I have absolutely no clue where am I, my goal was to survive and make my way back to civilization. Back in my mind, I have a niggling feeling where I am, yet I am hoping that I had hit a populated island like Papua New Guinea. Unbeknownst to me, I was on an uninhabited island among the French Polynesian islands. I laid on the sand and face the sun, no more bobbling up and down the oceans and worrying about sharks or the potential sinking of the boat.

I dusted myself and decided to head into the rainforest to set up camp and take stock of the situation. As the weeks passed, I found places to fish, a plot of land to cultivate and a cave to hide from the elements. A year passed, I have learnt how to fish and manage to grow basic vegetables like Potatoes and carrots, and have shifted from a cave to a makeshift wooden hut. Initially, I was malnourished, having to feed on berries and tree barks. Then, I told myself that I have to survive, I have to keep on going. Little by little, I managed to get my strength back and start to pick up on new skills. Now, I am living in a comfy hut with food on the table. It’s incomparable to the days where I was eating in a restaurant. But, I can survive and just got on fine.

Just the other day, a crate washed up on shore and I found a soft toy among some books and magazines. I use the magazines for smoke signals, so that any passing plane or ship will be able to spot it. The soft toy was an owl; I decided to call it Flippie. Please do not ask me why, it’s a name that pops out of my head for some reason or two. So Flippie became my new friend, well, a pretty rude friend per se, as he does not reply back. Everyday Flippie will accompany me as I set out with my daily routine, pulling in the crabs from the traps I set along a rocky beach called Rocky (named by yours truly). Sometimes I will follow a stream towards a huge waterfall called Thunder to see if I am able catch any trout. Afternoon, will head into the forest and cut down wood and search dry tinder. Evening will cook the food and watches as the sunsets beyond the horizon.

Months flew passed, and many sunsets have set, my pages of magazine began to wind down. Some days I questioned the very need of tending to my smoke signals. Where was I from? Do I truly need to get back to civilization? Flippie though he is rude, but there have been no arguments or conflicts. I have been able to eat enough to survive and my hut was good enough to survive the elements. Weather has been great; blessed with no typhoons or earthquakes here. Only once did I see a water spout in the far distance and I thought was an incoming typhoon.

One day I dig further into the crate and found a huge stash of books. I began to read them while having my breaks in the afternoon and evening time. Through that time, I was transported to various planets and worlds and romance stories and eventually civilizations. As time passed, my dreams became ever so fidgety, I dreamt that a family friend has seen the end of days, I dreamt of the possibilities that I could have in civilizations and lastly, I dreamt of being stuck in a cage.  As I sat at the smoke signal point and staring at the crushing blue waves, another side of me was willing me to restart my journey to back home. I lit the flame and burn the pages of magazines once more as I watch the black smoke rises up into the dimming skies.

To quell my desire to stay, I decided to make short expeditions along the coast. Wondering whether is this island at all or is it linked to the mainland. Alas, as I headed eastwards, I came upon towering cliffs which I am sure I can’t scale them. Without proper gears, it’s certain death. I knew westwards are pretty impossible because the “Hell-holes” were there. That place looks very treacherous and that there were breathing sounds from the caves as waves after waves pounded the rocky shoreline. To my back, were the mountain ranges of “Zeus”, huge imposing mountains which seems to me like the Gods of Olympus might be there. With my limited gear and clothes, I do not think I will be able to survive the snowy ridges of those mountains. It would seem like the only way is to head out back into the ocean.

So that's something that I am experiencing right now. Just thought of putting things in a story mode.

Digging Deep and have Faith

The stormy skies before the rainbow.
The pain before the gain.
The struggle before freedom.

This morning I tried to hitch a ride on a gamble on a new listing on SGX. Failed, took a 4% loss instead.  Thought will be able to ride the momentum but because of the need for the money to be used elsewhere, I decided to cut even though my exit price is 10% loss.

“Will I miss out on any run on the stock?”
“Maybe a bull run tomorrow or something? “

Then I started thinking like I usually do.

My money under investments is money that can be lost. However, because of the fear of losing, I pulled back and of course besides the fact that my entire portfolio is still deeply in the red (20% down). Maybe I should have a savings instead, to match dollar for dollar that I had place in the investment fund. Of course, in such a manner, it will definitely reduce my ability to generate greater returns. Alternatively, I can still be looking at generating dividends more since this money are like my savings considering my rainy day fund is ridiculously low.

Of course, I have cash in other places as well, I have a decent sum with Cat in a FD and I still have a pretty liquid cash to compensate my retirement movement of 13K from OA to SA.I think if next year if there is any bonus, I will max out the requirement for the Goal To 15K annual target, 10% to Investment Fund and finally try to top up the rainy day fund to 6 months expenses target. Budget for holidays with Cat will have to take a back seat.

I often wonder if my insurance side is too large, 558 per month, almost a cool 20%. I mean it has definitely reduced in recent months as I cut down form a 630 per month. Looking at the statistics for my monthly budget, I only am able to allocate 4% to my rainy day fund, whereas my investment takes up to 10%.

I guess I do not have much room to maneuver either, for me to give up on the ILP now; it will definitely be a waste since it is supposed to be tagged to how well the market (i.e. Fund manager) performs and a diversification to my investment adventures.  Of course, pulling it out, I would at least be rewarded with 5K but it’s nothing compared to the amount I had put in since 2014, which is about least 10K.

So now going forward, I think I should shift my focus to dividend plays and stocks that are undervalued for my investment side. Currently, the bond markets are pretty unstable as well and the SSBs are giving lower interest then even a savings account.

Budget-wise, I do not think I can adjust much. I might want to let go monthly SGD 20 additional M1 plan. But I think I would still need an additional data plan, just in case my data busted or I need to be somewhere with my laptop.  After some checks, I signed a 24 months contract previously, so I still got another year to go with that. I think once my CFA is pay up for by 3Q next year and if I am lucky with a 100 buck increment (cross fingers), it will be a decent help.

I think still the only way is to dig deep and study hard for CFA, passed it, and applied for a change of job…and  keep getting better opportunities. In the meantime, look at keeping costs low and buy good quality stocks that are cheap and pay out good dividends.

Have Faith and keep plugging away.

Life’s Battles

I have somehow been drawn back to this idea of Life’s battles ever since I had used the phrase when I met up with Ben and Wei Ren.  So there I was, sending Ben back home, where he was commenting that we did not meet up often and sometimes we remain under the radar. So I was saying that “Maybe we are all fighting our own life’s battles.”

This caught my mind’s eye, in a way that it has already been almost 3 weeks since I met with them and still these words has been ringing around my head.  So…Life’s Battles huh…I guess recently since I had decided to undertake the CFA route again and to work towards that direction. I had classified that as a battle in my mind, a battle that I had to win because I have no other way. Of course, there are other ways but this is a path I had chosen and I wanted to stay on it. Rather than keep switching directions only to find out that I am walking in circles.

Looking inwards, in recent times, I had not been really studying much and all. Things that had distracted me can be things like my freedom fund project, people’s views about me, the lack of financial security, time and interpersonal relationships. Like all true logical rational types ,let's write down a list and go through them.

1) Freedom Fund Project

Recently, I had been disturbed by the thought that MIDAS had been losing money for me. Truth be told, it has always been a mistake and I had been secretly hoping that the price would have bounce back. If it’s in the past, I would have bought more if it went below 30 cents. Well now its 22 cents and their lowest in years. Should I take the loss or not? I am already looking at a 42% loss for that counter. Given the strong dividends from Keppel DC, I guess the dividends will be able to cover the losses soon.  So I guess I need to find out more about MIDAS and see whether it is right to sell a not? I am not too worried about Keppel Corp as of now thus it didn’t appear in my thoughts recently.

2)People’s views about me

I had always been concerned about how people have viewed me throughout my life. It’s one of those usual insecurities of humans; the acceptance from the rest of the population.  I worried what my parents will think if they see me out at 6am in the morning doing kickboxing or mugging. I worry how I will look and will look presentable to people. I guess it’s time to try to confront these insecurities and believed in myself and ask myself what are the main goals are. Find a way and whatever it takes.

 3)Lack of Financial Security

Ever since I had started work, I seem to be forever plagued by this insecurity as well. I am always looking and wishing that my pay had been higher. That I could have saved more, saving for my house and etc. I had a chance back a month ago but for the sake of career advancement, I forgo the pay increase.  I ran monthly budgets and allocate my income very tightly. With the recent CFA and the goal to 15K (due to me worrying about retirement), I had cut my budget even tighter than ever. Technically, my budget should be sub $800. However, I am consistently breaking the 900 mark. So I was pretty uptight about eating good places and more expensive place. I remember I had set aside my income to accommodate eating at better places, but with insurance policies and CFA, it’s eating into my allotment.  In this aspect, I guess I have to just persist with the current allocation and look forward to the pay increment the following year or once my payment to the CFA has ended.

4)Time
Another factor is time. I think I got past the phrases"Time is never enough" or "24 hours is not enough for me". Then, how do we explain people who have created so much things in their life time? Look at the amount of innovations and Patents that Edison have to his name. No no, time is what we make of it. We all have an abundance of time, it's only what's the amount of time that we are allocated with. I have to learn how to make full use of whatever time I have. Earlier, I came home, I went immediately to Kick-Boxing. Its only 15 mins but I took my first step back to being fitter. Though, I later got distracted by a discovery channel show on machines. Not saying that the documentary was not good or educational but I could have been doing other things with that time which is about 20 minutes. It has been some time since I last did a full stretch mugging for my CFA. Its time to make full use of time again.

5)Interpersonal Relationship
I think this one is a constant for most people. With respect to Ben and Wei Ren whom I had not met a long long time, even the rest of the guys, it's like I have disappear from their lives. I think I am still closer to GK they all, but even they I have not met Benny and Kenneth since ICT le. Besides cutting down to only meeting one group of friends in a month, or rather, trying to because of budget and to spend more time to study(supposedly). The only relationship that I am unwilling to cut time off is Cat. The rest is truly like a sacrifice, both in terms of financially and for study purposes. Ironically, before starting like  adulthood, like working life, I told myself that I want to be different from Samantha and still spend time with friends. Now, I am beginning to realise that there are other stuffs that seemingly have to take precedence over others. Money is not easy to come by and that my freedom and my future is important. Career is another thing that is important, being of relevance to the world has also come to the fore. I used to moan the fact that Samantha don't have much time for me and all, but seriously, when one is building up their life empire, somethings just have to be sacrificed. Of course, not saying that I should totally cut the friendship but as much as I love to interact with close friends, the opportunity to do so gets lesser. 

There is no turning back for me now...

These past few days, I was preoccupied with whether or not I should take up the offer for Front Office, in the role for MA. So the role is like a RM's PA, where you have to help the RM with clients account opening as well as the other admin work like placing of orders and etc. Had an interview with one of the two RMs that I will have to service, and she gave me a clearer picture of the MA role. It is pretty ironic. I had always wanted to escape back office thru the front office, but when I had  finally have a chance to do so, I hesitated and considered the implications of it. I think I more or less internally came to a conclusion but often wondered if it is the right way to go by it. Maybe I downplayed an MA prospects but I guess, if I have no intention of being an RM, it is not a good idea to go to a MA role and banking on the hope that I will be able to head on towards the Investment Counsellors and Investment Services direction. Its like Tracey the RM who interviewed me, she would not have known another MA if its like another part of the office. So, unless I am lucky or try to mingle around and expand my networking , then I will have a shot at it. I mean the pay is good and she can match whatever I am asking as well as the bonus easily. However, it is always the uncertainty that the skills set is not good enough nor is it niche enough to be elsewhere, should one day I quit the MA role. Of course, my personal pride and belief that I can do well and thrive in that role also was tempting me. It felt like pretty much my secondary school days where I forgo Biology for Principles of Accounts. Though in the end, I also did not do well enough for PoA during O levels. Who knows, I might have over thought on that but I was sure that I would like Biology, so least i went by the route that I wanted.

Another time was when I was considering SIM-UOL or engineering degree from NTU. Eventually, my interest won me over. I guess any one can study anything as long as they put their mind to it. But, without the interest, it would be a whole lot of unhappiness and dread. Learning should be something that one enjoys.

The other path that was opened to me since I was thinking of rejecting the MA role, was to restart my CFA. Apparently, a career personality test which I took online recommended me for the Financial Analyst role. And it kind of struck me that after 3 years since I started, somehow life went a whole round and tell me that's the direction I should be heading to. And unlike last time, there is no turning back for me. There will not be any FO position for me once I rejected this role, and my time in operations is a dead end, there is no turning back. I have to passed the level 1 and start looking for opportunities in that direction le. I do not have a back up plan, there is no such thing as reversing back to settlements since I detested it. If I fail in this attempt, I will most probably be stuck in operations or I have to re-take again. But I do not think there will be any opportunities in FO anymore as I would have spent too long in operations already. There is just no turning back.

I just sent the reject message to the RM, so now there is no turning back le. There is only 1 way to go and that's to pass my CFA Level 1 and to look for a more analytical jobs that is in other banks. I have no idea what sort of teams are found in other banks, but I just have to force my way in that direction, This will be the battle in my career from now on, to force my way in that direction. There is no turning back. Swim or drown, This will be one of my many legacies I will leave in this world when I leave this planet. Like the swordsman, who live and die by his sword. I am answerable to the choice that I chose.