Reality Check

Yesterday, went for a bbq session with the 4E1 gang. There is visibly fewer guys this year, since most went overseas for exchange and stuff. But nonetheless, its still great fun hanging out with each other. You know...reality really hits you when you realise that topics changed as the years flows by. Initially we were like girls, army and clubbing...but yesterday was like CPF, job security and final year grades.How time flies sia...

Well, its not necessary a demoralising thought, but...well maybe its a wet blanket in the sense that there is so many factors of life that one has to consider and how nice if we could truly chase after things that really matters to us, rather than due to survival and commitments, we had to conform.

Yan cong was talking to me again about finding a job now and that instead of internships that I am currently aiming, I should trying to get a full time one. But, I didnt want to start in 2012, partly its also due to Master Lynn advice. I pointed out an observation to him about him and the rest of us. I told him that SMU kids always seems to emphasis on "selling" their resumes and stuff, u knw...like chiongsters ttm and I told him that NTU/NUS kids are more chill and they dont put that much thought into the chionging part, or in a way to "monetise" their CVs. SIM? ha...I think most of us just dont even bother too much about it...I guess even the most guai ones are more concerned with grades rather, of course, this is not true across the board hur.

Everytime I meet up with them, kinda give me a reality check every time. And thoughts flow through my mind, like I REALLY got to chiong and in some ways sell myself out to the world.I guess maybe my core friends aren't really like YC they all...but imho, i agree with YC. Because at the beginning, I am already at a disadvantage. Yes, it might sounds self defeating and all, but its kinda the fact. What I do with this fact that will make it a propellent rather than a weight. Seeing how both LY n zhenni struggle to find jobs, further enhanced this point. And with most companies expected a downturn next year, so jobs market will definitely suffer, hence my initial plan is to chill and try to learn new skills or get more "ammo" on my resume. Hopefully, able to attain a job in 2013 instead.

well maybe its a wet blanket in the sense that there is so many factors of life that one has to consider and how nice if we could truly chase after things that really matters to us, rather than due to survival and commitments, we had to conform.


the above words are from the 1st paragraph if you guys didn't notice..lol..but anws, I guess that it kinda sums up my outlook or rather should I say about life. And thats I guess, deep down is my ultimate goal. One of the few reasons of me chasing and learning about trading and finance is because I want to take money off my plate, so that I can enjoy the other food. When is it enough? I also don't know, but at least enough for me to not be a slave to it.


I shall stop here, hopefully this will push me on. So to you guys, lets keep on fighting for the things we truly want. HWAITING!=)

Bad mood day...

Think today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed...feeling so emo nemo..nt wanting to do anything, a bit edgy as well...haiz...snap out of it..snap out of it

You Are The Apple of My Eye

Yesterday went to catch this movie with cat, there has been a lot of fanfare regarding this film. Well, as usual I dont keep my expectations too high de..cuz its a coming of age film, and siriously..oops i meant seriously, i watch quite a couple of such show le.haha.

But, I have to say its a really entertaining show..def. not in the kind of WOW WOW level for me, if the show aims to come across as a romance show, I would say...its pretty cui. But, since its based on a true story to a large extent, naturally it will be a bit dan...well cuz reality is always diff from dramas. The show definitely done its job by hitting on the nostalgic part in all of our souls( evident by the crowds frequent cheers and laughters at key points).

As I told cat, many of the stuff the show portrayed, I had encountered quite a couple though definitely nt as flamboyant as in the show itself, but somewhere around there lor. It definitely give me the"啊，那些年的事。。。“ The stuff my schoolmates did in school and the crap we had and the fun we played on the teachers...heehee

Then, the portion of the romance part..well...its definitely a jump back to the past. The times when you fall  in love for the first time, the pure innocent times, the childish feelings that one has, the unwavering concern for that person even though she is not yours..haha...ah those times...

Falling back to reality, it does bring me to this conclusion...wo lao le!!!!....ahhh...

Self Condemnation

Yesterday, jianyang brought up a very good topic about self condemnation. Let me put it in layman words, its when one feel/condemn themselves to a certain level. The perfect opposite to self condemnation is a phrase that  I could think of. If you think you are zai, you are zai. Simple. Its all in the mind. And maybe thats why Christianity has a quote about nt self condemning thyself. I ask him what about laziness, is it in someway self condemning as well? He reply tht I am nt  lazy..lolz...of cuz, if comparatively to him.

But what I am most interested in, is how to get oneself to take the first step and work towards the goal. For example, studies...when I see QF, I am rather turn off by it and dont want to pick up the books liao. And then, various things just appear in my mind..like all the psychology thingy abt hw to push oneself, etc etc. See, the problems of over self-analysing...LOL

I guess the most important thing or rather the most essential thing is always always have a positive mindset and I think..roughly about 50% of problems will be solved automatically. Because I feel that we tend to always associate negative emotions with certain actions and in turn it will just turn us away from them. Like wad JY said, dont be so hard on yourself, maybe I should change my thinking and start taking baby steps. Seems like after so many years, this problem just doesnt goes away does it?..haha

Hope that someone dont lose herself in the messy and agitated situation she is in. The world is like the 5 tastes, it can be ugly but at the same time, there are other tastes out there, so dont be suck into the notion that the world is only a few tastes. Similarly, vice versa.

SIBEI SLACK

Seriously, I think I am really damn slack liao...come on eugene, got to start the ball going and moving...i guess will pick up the books tml den..lolz

魚躍在花見

Kinda like this show a lot...of course 80% is due to sashimi and sushi...and boy the sushi looks UBER OISHI...haha...I always got something for fishy stuff de...hehe...looking at the maguro, salmon and the other kinds of fish always get me high de. Anws, the soundtrack is also not bad. 

Just now, caught the last episode just now. And I kinda like wad Julian's character said about fishing. He was emo-ing and liken fishing to life. 

"Fishing is like Life. If you cast the net, you may catch a little fish or you may catch a whole school. However, if you don't cast the net at all, you will definitely catch no fish."

The Final Journey

The last night of the wake, I stayed awake the entire night. Making sure that cats dont go near the coffin and making sure the joss sticks are still burning. There are times where I will be stoning around and wrestle with notions about death,time, rituals,pride and the realities of the world. The following morning, we did the last rites,and just at the last moments, a moth came down and circle around us. From my eldest cousin to my youngest uncle and finally landed on my eldest uncle head. Now some of you guys may not buy it, but my family firmly believes that my ah gong came back as a moth. Then it was time for sending the coffin off, it drizzles slightly, and we walk with the coffin and my dad and uncles pushes the van. My dad started crying loudly, and my other uncles started sobbing, but by then, the moth had already flown away. It was a silent ride to Mandai Crematorium, held a last ritual and then we went to the viewing room where the coffin was sent to the burning area. Everyone cried and sobbed...and then we went back before heading back to Mandai again to collect the ashes. And to place it at the tablet located in one of the blocks. During the transferring process of the remains to the urn, all of us had to take a piece of his remains and place it inside. And when there is not enough space, the shi fu use a pounder to pound the remains into smaller pieces. After that, we took the urn to the final resting place, and did the last rituals and all. And thats the end.

Therein ends a man's life. The final closure of a person's stay on earth and to wherever the next realm is.For the living? Its a time to mourn, to reflect to cherish and to acknowledge something that is known as mortality.