NS and Missing her...
Hey all of ya out there!!!...back for a long 'holiday'..lol....from NS lah...haha...so far training had been rather xiong lor...wat to do...sianz...PT and more PT every day..and thank god for the rain lor...haha...nthg really much to do in camp lor...got some great section mates to begin with and that they are really very funny people!!! and they are smart peeps too...haiz...haha...
Anw it has been almost 3 weeks since I last saw her liao...every now and then of coz got thought of her...but somehow or rather it juz seems impossible to meet up with her or somehow...so far for most of the PT...it has been her as my pillar of strength to carry on, no matter how many I gotta do...sometimes I wish she would juz really set aside 1 hour...juz an hour...no 30 minutes of her life and just have a chat with me...no interruptions, no phone calls all of a sudden...juz have a conservation with her...I will be really happy...but I think given her character, for her to do that will be rather difficult lor...lol...but it juz that never seen her for a very long time and I sometimes juz feel that she should juz make some time for me...then again who am I juz for her to give me an hour if full attention of her life...
Days passes by my life being monotone and all...some things I had hope will happen,never did...some I thought will be part and parcel of my life, never become...is this how life will be for me? I remember someone ask me this :" What's ur view of life?". My answer was that" Life is determine by one's perspectives"...but no matter how much I tell myself that all these will end soon and that she is really busy and all...but the pain and suffering is building up in me, the feeeling of not seeing someone and being unable to be part of her life as I once was...is juz...well...saddening
Although I said it before that whatever decision that she come to, in the future, I will be able to move on and still be around her as a good friend...but right now I juz want her to be by my side...I have so many things to share with her...the good and bad stuff...my thoughts...everything...and I also miss her laughter, her smile and the way she is able to make any trouble seem so small, her eyes and that 'WTH' look whenever I say smthg very lame or when I am being cranky...lol...I feel that I being rather selfish to juz get her to come out though she is bz....but hey isnt liking someone suppose to be selfish?...lol...maybe but sometimes we juz got to look at the other side of things lor...
Everytime booked out, at least got one day I will feel lost and I will go to that place again and start to think and think and reminsince about the past...sometimes it does help, but at times it dont really lor...example today I was there again...sleeping there at the corner, then I thought I heard someone walking..it wasnt her coz she juz msg me that she was working. Instead it was her mum, but I doubt she took any notice of me...coz w/o the hair and a cap covered my face and maybe my figure have changed. So she juz walked past me as if I wasnt there at all...ironic...lol...but when I was there, i am able to truly juz relaz and sleep as if she is there with me...maybe its jzu the trees aound the area bah...but yeah it was comfortable, though I wish to juz lie on her lap and juz sleep...that would be ideal lor...but like what I said before, some things will juz never happen......maybe they will:P
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