Personal Space

This is something that I had always known to be a problem but I never really addressed the issue till the past few days. U see. There had been a problem with me at times, alright I meant frequently=P. Its the feeling of emptiness and not knowing what the f*** am I doing on this planet. lol..forgive me for the vulgarities, still haven completed my CCC( Civilian Conversion Course) yet...haha. A good friend of mine, He once told me about the lack of personal space that NS can cause you to feel, and hence caused weird or illogical behaviour of NS guys to certain things. Of course, I am not only limiting this problem to NS only but even to everyone out there.

Have you ever feel lost? Have you ever felt that there is special something or piece that is missing from your life at this very moment? Have you ever question yourself ' Is this the kind of life I want?'

Well, I am sure that there are times that many of us have definitely felt it at some point of our life. If you haven't, then in time you might...lol...or might not =P. Recently, like I had pointed out to my friends through out this year was that I am easily agitated and stuff. Well one thing that I had sorted of is that there is a lack of personal space in my life. In that sense, it's caused by both me and NS in particular. With NS , I am always stuck in the confines of a camp and its regulations and rules. After booking out, my subconscious mind is very annoyed at decisions which seems to be out of control or people who are trying to control the freedom of my time and all. So I also used lots of other 'drugs' like anime, going out, forcing myself to study, so to numb this feeling of lacking the personal space in my life.

I had always been searching for the answer to it. Is it a girlfriend? Is it $$? Is it the feeling of studying? Is it...Is it...lots more. Recently, I started just picking up books and started reading just as once before in my early stages of life. I started to enjoy it and now thirst for more readings out there. Its as if books can provide me an avenue of escapism out of the harsh realities of life and all...it can bring me to places never before...it can challenge my perspectives, my mindset, my logics and so much more. Then, writing. Penning my thoughts and all onto the piece of paper, it sorted my feelings, gives me a cleared picture and let me understand the situations. U know..it all seems so...calm...so peaceful all of a sudden, even I shudder at this kind of calmness!! Now, just as was I 8 years ago, that I want to put my thoughts into words and that it shall be metaphorized with nature...it feels good. Haha..lo and behold...after 4 years of bumming around, 4 years of crashing around, 4 years of not being in contact with my soul...this is the kind of 'therapy' that I needs and the strange thing is that I had been doing it until sec 2 but I stopped. Kimochi!!!=D


The cold wind blowing against my face, as I acknowledge the coldness touches my skin, my soul is cleanse. The heart finds calm and peace with the clear blue sky above me. Well today at 6.38pm of Friday 26th September 2008, the sky seems at a light blue, with streaks of clouds borne by the wind stretches across the sky. The darkening along the horizon of the flats signals the ending of another day and soon we all would be asleep and the next day will come along.=)...Somehow, writing and blogging has been able to bring a sort of calm and peace to my already complex human character=P. Oh and the street lamps have just turned on like beacons of light to show the way of life in darkness...lol...ok it seems quite weird of me to phrase it like that..haha. Just going with the flow of the train of thoughts in my mind.