Actly i was rather pissed off at first but nw after reading sam's blog, i became a little more worried so I think that kinda offsets things. Anws, so most probably the nervousness i felt during work was rather accurate. I had a thought during work whether I was right in bringing J along to the event. but in the end, we still go ahead.I dont knw whether its the appropriate thing to do, but I placed my hand over her shoulder while taking a photo and was shot back with a " what are you doing?"... I mean thts oks....but towards the end, when she said tht jianyang was a bit anti-social. I ask why? she said tht she always tries to sit between both of us bt jy would always want to sit beside me. I didnt ans tht. Because jy knew that i am still kinda interested in her and thts why he did tht. However, I dont knw whether I have the right to be angry...because it just feel totally wrong. Cuz its like if someone brings u to the event, I mean is there even a need to try to get close with another person? though you knew this guy is a close friend of mine? do one even need to keep trying to sit beside him? I just feel that its like she dont even put me into consideration...so you can just happily socialise and where am I?...I hate these kind of feelings where at one moment I am angry, and the next moment, you start questioning urself whether am i suppose to just let it pass and that its normal...Seriously.

I always knew she is damn insensitive, but to this extent? or maybe i am just too sensitive...I dont knw lah. Its always feel like I am always giving and being accommodating but in the end? I am always getting hurt, getting upset, getting in conflicts with myself. I mean nt just this occasion, but my life in general, I just don't understand why...is it because I always seem to be an OK zai? is it because I am suppose to be impervious to any insensitivity? or like maybe like wad jy previously said, I always put others before myself too much? why?...

Life ah life, I hope that you will treat me kinder from nw on, I dont knw when I will just break and end up as someone that will not take and bother abt other's opinions in the future, a person that is always feeling skeptical abt interpersonal r/s, a person that given up hope on people and r/s. Is this all karma? or bad fs? or wad?...I just dont knw..is it because I am weak and such things should be taken in my stride. So I got to be a sponge again?i am sorry to said i got a finite capacity to such insensitivities in recent times, and sometimes I really cant stomach it. haiz and somehw its always her that dealt out such tough strikes on me=/