I came tottering out of the battlegrounds. Eyes blurry from the constant battering of the debris of war. Initially, I had thought we had an upper hand at the beginning half of the battle. But the enemy came back stronger in the second half. There were some damage done at the beginning of the second half and some were cause of ill preparation. I secretly hope that none of the damage was cause of complacency or silly mistakes ...good lives were lost for some battles. But it is over. I think I came out feeling that I had left everything out there and there is none for me to give le. Until the dust have settled and the damage counted , will I know my fate.
I was pretty much in the zone, even now , after leaving the battlefield, I begin to wonder what had happened. It's like I lived pretty much for this battle and now I am readjusting back to civilian life.
It's a battle I had fought twice and this time I think I manage to come out and say that I have no regrets. I don't have a particular exuberant joyful feeling nor a defeated feeling. I felt pretty Zen and am also surprised to be like that. In any case, this is the final one . In a way, my mugetsu.
I am glad I gave pretty much my all for this battle. Finally, after 4 years and 2 tries, I can be accountable to myself that I leave the battlefield knowing that I have left everything out there.
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