Purpose

Was reading the book titled " Life Without Limits" by Nick Vujicic. There was a chapter about Nick riding the waves even though he has no limbs and that he kept trying without ever giving up. Finally, he managed to catch not 1 but many subsequent waves. Anything is possible.

Now a couple of days after my CFA, I am still feeling a little lost and that I crave for that feeling of working for something. The feeling of sacrificing things for that purpose, even though I have no clue whether it is worth the sacrifice. Will I be able to make it if I sacrifice ? Am I sacrificing just for my ego ? Should I give up now ?

All these thoughts bombard me while I was studying and I learnt how to forget these emotional thoughts and bring myself back to the present. Which was to finish this chapter practice. Just finish it. Very soon, I was slowly consumed by the paper, my purpose was for the paper. Everyday, I wake up, my purpose was to study and practice so that I can pass. That's basically my entire week schedule when I took leave to study. My life is for that purpose.

I guess looking back now , it does sounds extreme but I know that I had done amazing things and overcame things in my life because I was all in. I do not believe I have any special innate talent, I only know hard work and throughout my life, whenever, I meet with tough times or situations, is down to my perseverance and hard work that got me thorough. I remember that I had to go thru 15 interviews and put myself in difficult situations. It probably was not that many to some and I am sure out there, there were people who went more. To me, I was despondent after my 13th interview and it kind of hit me whether I am meant for the financial industry. I could have taken a sales based job but that's not what I wanted then. I still recalled that night, I was rejected again and also during that time I was trying to handle my emotions because of Adeline. I broke down in front of Buddha and I prayed. I prayed that I will get passed this and I felt a strange yet strong feeling of rebellion in me. I am not going to be beaten down like this, I must get into a bank no matter what. I will send more resumes, I will keep trying.

Just like CFA, I have my down moments. No one will know the mental fights that I have to go thru everyday, probably because I have a very active emotional mind that I am constantly fighting especially when i am very prone to be lazy or just slacking and daydream. When it all ended, I felt lost yet I felt good as well, its over, I have no regrets. And now I crave for the time that when I had a purpose.

A purpose is truly what drives one person to do things, regardless the methods, all in to achieve that.