This book was super random and it was because of the 2023 Presidential Election which of course we all know who won. During the build up of the 2023 PE, CNA started to run a series of videos of what/why/how the Nation's Reserves came to fruition and the duties of the elected presidency. One wonders the timing of those videos.
In any case, it was informative and quite engaging docu-series. Goh Keng Swee was brought up as he was the guy who thought of GIC and well basically the guy who pretty much lay the foundation and literally set Singapore up to be the country she is today.
Decided to read this book on him and it is not really like an auto-biography per se, more of a short on depth of this guy's history and what he did. He seemingly also uses his economics background to solve and approach various issues at the various positions he held. Practical is the word that many describe him.
Probably he is the few people who uses economics practically and not as a fixed doctrine, the studies that he had commissioned would be probably know as behavioural economics in today's terms. Which I buy into a lot as compared to pure data economics which some people strong believe in.
Data will not lie but its the interpretation of the Data that can be misconstrued.
So I had been listening to this Youtube Channel for some time where Artistes only have 1 shot at singing a song so there are no retakes and the place where it takes place is all white. So it is only just the Artist's voice and the band's instruments.
The microphone that was used to record is also unbelievably clear and the Artist's emotion really shine through. Of course not all the videos are great as sometimes the direction with the song was different from the OG and there were some Artistes with small mistakes. Generally, the better the Singer the nice the song turns out.
Sometimes Cat don't get it when I like to listen to Korean and Japanese Songs when I don't speak or understand the language. In all actually, even Mandarin songs I also don't fully get to hear and understand all the words haha. To me, it's all about the vibe I guess, the clarity and the tonality of the music that really speaks to me. It's like when a certain key or note is played, then get my emotions flowing. The icing on the cake will be the lyrics that match the songs.
I think most people like songs that they understand with the lyrics and all. To me, good music definitely can change the vibe , uplift spirits and connect people together.
Suppose to be blogging more frequent since am unemployed but boy does time flies( have to start tracking what I do on a day to day basis like what Sam says).
Since left my job in end of April, probably went through an adjustment phase in May and also took the time to complete The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. It is truly a masterpiece, never have I played a game that I would say its 10/10. Has great storyline and side quests and the best thing is that there is no 1 fixed way to solve any of the puzzles and that includes the main storyline.
Usually I don't really finish most games like Pokemon Arceus to name a few. Though I did complete the Monster Hunter Series Main storyline but it was like never like a fully complete. So for TotK, it really feel like it and the music that accompanies the story was fantastic. Truly the best game till date. So this game took up most of May and June.
July and August is probably something that I started to do other things like scheduling 2 times exercise per day and also been watching on investment videos and also picking up a bit more baking skills( I can do pretzel and scones now=))
Of which, End of June and End of August was when I was more busy because the in-laws ( in End of June) and army friends (in End of August) came down under so I had to spend time with them so I wasn't doing much reading and exercising then.
I guess this post is more about an update and not too much on my inner thoughts which I still tend to contend with. Will come to that another time.
This might not even make it to be published. But, I have to say that it does strangely feel that I am trying to be nostalgic about the old Manchester United and that this channel helps in relieving all those years again. Of course, the tantalizing parts are those that are not reported widely and that the truth from the players all help.
I guess in a way, it kinda reminds me of what being a leader is , or maybe being a man is . If I were to be backed in the Army, I would probably be labelled as a pussy, literally. Everything also scared, everything also worried about. Sometimes all anyone need to is basically just to kick on.
I believed that I probably had said it before. Having a blog is like a time travel device, it's the only way for our past selves to reach out to the future selves. To show them what had happened and to tell their future selves that you are still pretty much alive and that these are what you had went through before and survived it.
It has been many years since I last blogged fervently. The last year with like high double digit was in 2013 where it's the year I went through a break up with Adeline. closed off the side of me still hanging on to Zhenni and when I got together with Cat. Mega Year eh.
It's that kind of year where I would say it's life changing. I ended up broken and I had to pick the pieces up and piece them back by myself. Reading those old entries, just kind of reminds me how broken I was. Do things I am not proud of and just be this angry, self pitied and victimized spirit because of how my relationship with Adeline went wrong.
And then I closed off a chapter with Zhenni, it's like to be accountable to a side of myself. Not the proudest thing I have done but at that time I felt it was needed. Then of course, I got together with Cat and now we are married.
It's interesting that that year was how I went from being a broken spirit, one who had thought that will not be with anyone and then to getting together with Cat and 6 years later we are married.
It kind of bring back some memories, feelings and the experiences that I had went through, the highs and the lows of my past 2 decades of living on this planet. Made me feel a little more confident, a little more alive and a little of "How the f*** did I survive that ?". Also, it's not like my life is a blank canvas.
I think the past 3 years of my married life, I guess I have this feeling. Like my life is a blank canvas, I don't really remember much except that because of covid, both of us work from home and me being unhappy at work and also us having quarrels which I thought was normal but now I think it's more of like there was an issue. And then Marly came along so spent time to care for her. Then it was also the work that took up lots of time which can be explained partly that I kept OT because of my inability to let go and also my way of working. Probably that explains why I don't blog so much. Basically it's that I stop doing things that I was accustomed to do or things that I enjoyed. Never thought that blogging is essential so I didn't put in the time to do so. In the end, I guess things snowballed and it just spilled over to all aspects of my life.
Before I knew it, I was back to being that broken spirit in 2013 and being someone with masks again. As compared to then, I think I am a little wiser now. I know why I react in a certain manner and why when I implode , it's like a meltdown and coupled with Popo passing. Everything just ...I guess you can say it's a perfect storm.
So when Cat and my family members feel that I should start working or studying, given my character I don't like to be rushed. It is also probably because I knew that I am broken and that I needed to be fixed before I can go on to other things. Maybe I can do it concurrently , I don't know. But I know I need to be back to my usual self or true self. One thing for sure is that I can't really multi task or embark on 2 different projects at a time.
I need to be working on something then move on to others. At the same time, I need to figure out how to not be broken again but of course, I think it will happen again. It's normal eh ?
Then I know that my ever time Traveller journal here will come back and remind me of the vivid life that I have and will have in the future. Just so to remind myself that your life is not determined by what is going on now and that just like everything else in life. All shall come to pass and that be it good and bad, time will equalize everything.
Ever since I have taken notice of my own thoughts and the decisions I made since I was 12, I have been a notoriously over-thinker throughout my life. There had been some people who feedback that I tend to overthink a lot of things until it's kinda excessive and there are some people who will say that I am meticulous as I consider a lot of situations and are ready for them.
I believe that by covering all ground then whatever is thrown up, I will be more than able to handle it as there is a plan for it. Of course, as I grew older then I realize that no one can plan for all situations especially when it comes to dealing with humans at large. So, my favourite way is to take a leaf out of a financial theory which I learnt in University. The Arbitrage Factor Model Theory, where one can allocate a specific risk factor to various situations and leave the rest to be a Epsilon which encompasses the risk that we can't quantify. This help me to focus only on the risks that I can control and leave the rest to fate. Though having said that, I tend to have more than a few situations that play out in my head and so I try to cover and run through various situations. So, yeah over-think.
Recently, I came to realise that some of my Overthink had been due to issues with Anxiety which stems from me being a HSP. From Young I had always thought that by being able to predict all forms of potential situations will allow me to make the best decision forward, but maybe it's not always the case.
I noted that whenever I made the best decisions ( in hindsight mind you) , are usually when I don't cover all scenarios. I mean I do still think about possible outcomes but I won't go and dwell and try ways to counter every one of them. And, it's usually when I am calm and just serene. You know, it's like when you are comfortable with it. I don't like it when people rush me into making a call or it's due to any other form of pressure. Though I know time is of an essence and I may be over thinking that's why I take so long to decide, so maybe I also need to find a solution to this.
Whenever I tried to think and cover all grounds, my heart rate races and I became very focus on finding solutions for all the possible outcomes and will just keep going on until I am tired or that I am satisfied that I have done my best already. Even so, I will still have a nagging feel about it and will not be truly rid of the feeling until the scenario have passed.
Feels like it all boils down to one word. Anxiety.
Happy May the 4th or should I Say Happy Star Wars Day ( May the fourth be with you, get it ? )
Today is the 3rd business day where I am part of the unemployment rate of the world. There's still a tinge of strangeness in that. The past 3 days have been rather slow moving (in a good way). Usually, mornings I will drive Cat to work and then drop her off and then head to Coles for groceries shopping. Then once at home, will just chill until lunch time. Once after lunch time, will be the start of things that I should be doing.
The 1st day was Washing Tofu, our Toyota Corolla hatchback; yeap I named the car after getting inspired from Initial D.
The 2nd day went all the way to Chatswood( further North of Sydney City) which is the unofficial Chinatown in the area where Asian stuff is cheaper. Haircuts here are like north of 20 AUD so went all the way there. Managed to get one at 18 AUD by a China lady. Lol
Yesterday was introduced by the Youtube algorithm on the topic of Highly Sensitive People( first video below). From there I kept watching under videos and also chanced upon another video during a Mental Health Workshop organized by Google for their employees.
This categorization allows me to explain a lot of the traits that I showed and why I always had been moody and depressed over the recent few years. And in a way why before 2019, I was more 稳 .
I had always thought that I was like slightly neurotic or when I had taken the Personality test where I was categorized as ISFJ which are like 10% of the population and that I am highly empathetic and have a heightened level of self awareness then others. I also thought of myself as someone who is highly emotional and that I should always try to suppress it. Like you know, I am the rare few numbers of the Human population and I struggle to find anyone who understand me. I don't really know anyone else who is a HSP within my circle of friends but I do have friends whom just let me be and listen to me whenever I am emotionally overloaded ( peeps like GK, Hui Min and Sam). Yeah, still not a lot.
Truly it is very comforting when one realizes that it is not really my own fault for being emotional or that I am not supposed to be so sensitive to things. For the past 3 years , things have happened and so many changes in my life such that I eventually broke down like mentally and emotionally. I didn't realize that I needed self care and this self care cannot be done by anyone except thy self ( that's why it's called self-care, dummy)
It just make me feel comfortable that I don't have any weird mental disorder or that I am bi-polar or something. And that I am not alone in this world and being a HSP, I am being valued in this world. I know that Cat doesn't like the idea of being shoehorned into something like a personality category because everyone is unique and if everyone can be quantifiable then what's the value in them. To me, on the contrary, I believe that these categorizations help one to better understand themselves and provide an explanation to themselves. From there, it is how one makes use of the strengths and understands their weakness so to carry on living and being of value to the world.
Some of my arguments and mood change was due to some strong words that Cat uses and expresses herself. Me, being always running away from conflicts, hated it. I understand that not all conflict is bad and there are times I can handle conflict but if at that point of time, I am already triggered then I will just be in a bad mood. Sometimes very direct words are used and I will be hugely impacted by it and sometimes I will be affected for days. I remember things for years if some instances are deeply impressionable on my consciousness. Phrases that are usually thrown at me by people around me are like
" You should be less emotional"
"Just let it go"
"You cannot handle pressure"
"You are too slow and take too long to decide"
"Why do you cry so easily? Boys don't cry"
These phrases irked me and the worst thing is that following these phrases, I noticed the facial expression, the tonality of the voice and the way the eyes looked. And I immediately felt a very strong level of emotions such as Disgust, Irritation, Unhappiness and Nonchalance. Followed by a huge amount of Guilt and Anger why people do not understand me. Eventually, it became an infinite loop until I took the time off to think it all through before I could let it go. Most of the time, I did not have the time nor did I set aside for myself to do it. What started from a small paper ball led to a huge rock and eventually I cannot handle it anymore.
I think not all the traits apply to me but I would say 80% of it does and a lot of things I had experienced or actions I did kinda made sense now. I still have other things to clear out in my mental list of things I want to tackle but I am glad that I chance upon this ( or was it Google algo being stalkerish again 🤔).
In anycase, I will be posting more posts on HSPs and hopefully I can clear out a lot of my mental backlogs and maybe help other HSPs if I ever bump into them because in this world, the majority not necessarily will understand the minority. And for HSPs, it is so easy to get overrun by the emotions and then once it crosses that particular threshold, there may be no turning back for them.
Leaving the videos for whoever is interested. Probably not many will read this anyways. So it will be more for my reference in the future.
