Why are you running away?

The time is now 7.40am..u all must be wondering why am I awake so early...there is no reason...just that cannot sleep lor...slept ard 3 am this morning....the HK milk tea is really strong sia...drank with samantha and her bf at kovan yesterday...wah kao...always thot such things cannot work on me de...I was wrong man....

Well if u look at my previous posts over the years regarding her...its has always been I couldnt face her and her bf...but it seems like that I can now...its just smthg whether I want to a not...so realised that I have been running away from it for quite awhile..come to think of it...I have been running away from a couple of things in life...things I want to do, things that I had drag over time...things that I cannot decide seemingly...maybe thats why I am always unhappy with things that I couldn't do...its not I couldn't do...it's just because I did not make the effort to do...and thats why some things which I put my heart and soul in doing, that I am successful that I enjoy doing...example my time with samantha...I always thought that she was someone special to bring out the best in me...but actually on hindsight, its because I wanted to...last time was I love her thats why I open up to her, I do various stuff and all...now its another kind of bond that I have for her...its friendship and the diferent kind of bond we had that none have with me yet. With my platoon mates, because again I opened up to them..the trust I had in them...the times we shared...once with zhenni, celebrated her birthday...though I dun think it was that successful in my opinion but she said its was great and everything..maybe cuz its the thought I put it in and I felt accomplished about it.......or even when I was alone at the sales training at Sitex last time...If I didnt make the effort to talk to tiffany..maybe my work there wont be so enjoyable liao as it wont allow me to at least have a friend there....it was all about choices, even when I was depressed in 2007...

Overall, its the choice that I have...its simple...when at a situation, event, dilemma or..circumstances...what I want to do...to run away or to take the problem by hand and do it right...Come to think of it...I have been running away basically all my life...I have always thought that if I insist my way in some things, I felt it was great and right...but its because I like the feeling of being control, because I am not running away like normal...thats the reason for the euphoria when I switched courses in Sec 3 and the reason why I pushed ahead for blue mountains in sec 4...

Its such a simple MAJOR problem in me, that I dun even recognise it beforehand...and it needs a cup of milk tea and a outing with 2 persons. Maybe even the reason why I was so biased and at times negelected ernest is that I am running away because I dun want to face the fact that he is growing up and that he still wants the attention that I always give him when he was younger...And there are other things as well...which I always thought I was lazy which my mind will always bring me back to the scene when my mum told me that the feng shui master last time say to me that I will be very lazy and that she need to push me. So in mind, I was always like I am lazy lor what u want me to do...but actually, I am just running away...I knew I must chiong and work hard...I ran away...using laziness as an excuse...why some things I can do well, and most I flopped and end up my closed ones say that I am blur, slowed, zoned out...and I always accept that and some things in life I gave up upon...again I ran away...I chosed the easy way out...I became a coward and ran. How interesting to have oneself realised that he had been running away for 20 years of his life and now thats like a fifth of a human's life span sia!!...

Maybe thats the reason why sometimes I am ever so in awe by samantha and jon tan and wei ren and my sis...cuz yes I am sure there are times where they might also take the easy way out but most of their time they didnt...they have the strength to do what they wanted and got it right...

I realised that I had an entry about choices in life...after reading so many self help books and stuff...the simple answer that I couldn't find...the question which I always thought was " Whats your goal in life?" , " What you wanted?"........the questions was all wronged...its should be " Do you want to sit down and carry on doing it?", " Are you scared of doing it?" .........In the end, it all boiled down to one simple question....To run away or to stand your ground...yes or no...choices...see how a simple question could run a person's life. But of cuz, I dun mean that one shiuld never ever run away..like a taoist wisdom that says" A step back means that you could adavance many more steps forward"

So do u run away? I have been doing it all my life...its the main problem that I had for years...looking for the easy way out...it wont be easy facing the wind...but that's the choice I have made...enough of being a coward...this is my goal for the year, the new year resolution...I will move forward by whatever means it takes....and I hope whoever reads this post, no matter what situation u faced, do not run away from it...ok even if u do...do not drag too long...it might become 2 big a problem to face and u end up running a marathon...so lets have the courage to face the wind together=D