The next day morning, I went for my NIKE run...I guess I need to exercise so to calm myself a little. Some ask me why I still ran, and truth be told, I was slightly afraid of people saying that I wasnt doing the right thing because my grandfather just passed away and I straight away resume my normal life. In any case, I still ran. Lather that day, the family went down and change into the funeral clothes and were given a crash course of the rites we needed to do.
Sometimes, I had to burn the paper money for 4 hrs alone with the coffin beside me, my mind tends to wander and of course, the incense can be rather hypnotic as well...and initially, its kinda freaky. But, I just kept on doing and tried not to think so much. My eldest cousin, ran most of the show as he has experience before over at his maternal side, so it wasnt too bad. I rmbr when I was young, I had attended my great grand parent wake as well and being ever timid, I was really afraid of funerals. And now, I am the one who am more involved in the rites and stuff, kneeling in front of well wishers, folding the paper money, burning them making sure the joss stick is always lit and the incense.
Last day of the wake, so I didnt went during the day as I had school, only maine was with my parents as ernest had exams as well. Evening, we went down and participate in the last rites as well as the burning of the paper house and stuff. These few days of the wake, I observed that funerals in some ways like a mini gathering where relatives pop by and kinda re-acquainted with each other, chatting and catching up with each other. Where friends came down to accompany the family members. Chatted with my cousin, whom we are not very close, as we only see each other once a year...yeap you guessed it, CNY. Didnt managed to strike a convo with my eldest cousin, just the younger one who is of similar age with ernest. So at least, there were some exchange of words and thoughts, as well as to be able to know abt her.
During the rites, I noticed that there were some roles where the eldest of the grandchildren had to fulfilled and I thought to my maternal side. I am not insinuating here bt my popo whom I am also very close to, is also roughly ard the same age of my ah gong. And this time, I was afraid of taking up any responsibilities and stuff, so I kinda want to prepare myself. Nonetheless, I had a sudden urge to spend more time with my popo, because time is not on my side now.
The last night, I didnt sleep and spend the night at the wake, playing monopoly deal with ernest and my younger cousin, making sure that what need to be done is done, making sure no cats nearby. Sometimes when everyone else is asleep, I am the only one awake and I just walk ard the void deck.Soon day breaks.
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