7 Days into it

Initially I was apprehensive about blogging about it. But I think blogging is a good way to let go some steam as well as reset my thinkings and all. And so here we are, 7 days into our relationship. Its really an interesting learning experience for me. I experience a whole lot of emotions. I mean...well I have never enter one before, and its also a case where I like her more than she does. I am more physical whereas she is more..hmm..whats the word...communication? I have more insecurities than her definitely. I mean I think there is this complex where I am pretty much risk averse and skeptical about things.

My insecurities are pretty obvious since the samantha days. For a person I know for a pretty long time, I still have quite a huge problem getting over them. So much less for a person that I have only known in 5 months and her personality in only about 2 months or so. Going by logical thinking, and if we extrapolate this, this is gonna be DAMN huge. Just now asked her whether she is free for X'mas, she said something about waiting for her friend. So I heard something like maybe back or something. And instantly, the alarm bells started ringing cuz I rmbr that she kinda like this guy who she is also trying to forget as well if I am not wrong, and his birthday is on 25th I think. So I kinda stumble over my words and asked her to repeat. She said something like NY she is out with her friends. But I didn't try to ask about why X'mas she may not be free. I guess my main insecurities stem from whether are we like in a trial or smthg because I rmbr saying that when we started though eventually we never set any end period for it. She just accepted me and that's it. So, initially the first day I was still kinda in a daze as to what kind of role am I suppose to be in. Hence, besides the fact that she wants to keep it private, I am also not willing to let the whole world know about it. I only told those that were constantly in the loop as I felt that they should know since they were also the ones that had listened to me whine and all. Someone told me that a guy shouldn't be insecure and thats a big no-no in any relationship. And the thing about me not sure, what are we made it worse. Going by common sense, I feel that I should ask her about it. But by going with my instincts, they are telling me no because it would seem that I don't have enough faith in us. Of course, I believe in all relationships must have the element of honesty and trust, if not there is no point in it. So I decided to place it my bet with trust. Trust that we will make it true, trust in that I will know how to love a person, trust in her.

Of course, its not all gloom and all. I am touched that she tries to keep in contact with me when she was in bangkok and even when she is going to seoul this friday, she tries to convince her friends to get the portable wifi device. We tease each other some times and the common mutual competition was also fun. We began to have more interesting conversations over whatsapp and we share more about each other likes and dislikes. I find all of these pretty heartwarming. I like to use 'uh-oh' when things goes wrong and she would like go 'uh-oh' ,says to not steal my line...she went 'uh-uh-oh'...haha. Nowadays, she will text me instead of me always, which its a good progression. haha. Still trying to get use to holding hands and putting my hands over her shoulders.

I think the main problem with me is the confidence issues. Its like a totally new experience for me. To woo someone, I think I am pretty alright. Well I have been honing that skill for quite some time le...lolz. But, to be in a r/s with someone, still damn new. I EVEN WENT TO GOOGLED IT...lol...when in doubt, ask Mr Google. I am also learning about how different people have different idea of how a r/s should be like. I had always envision that once together, we will be like super close, lovey dovey or something and that both will be happy in each other presence. But, after these 7 days passed, its really pretty different from my imagination. And I guess its due to the kind of character she is. She is never that expressive in nature, unlike me. I tend to show my emotions very easily, but of course I will still hold my tongue when there is a need. She never make the first move whenever we held hands and all. Also, I think partly this is not her first r/s whereas its mine, hence the stark contrast.

Some asked me how does it feel when I finally held hands and you know..got attached? Can surely said its not what I had expected as well, like those fluffy kind of feelings, where suddenly the whole world is a colourful rainbow with unicorns. Its more like, awesome, now the next phase, whats gonna happen? What should I do next?...lolz...pretty xian shi hur..I guess when grow up, the definition of being in a relationship kinda changes. Like what my sister said, love only comes after gotten together for some time. Its never in the chasing process.