So...Whats next?

I guess she is right about the expectations part in a way. Once together, there will be expectations and there were things she won't or cant do. Like I put it earlier, my ideal r/s is so and so...but her ideal is another I reckon. She is more of like still in a way trying to probe and seeing whether anything will happen. I feel that although we held hands and gotten closer, and adjust to each other needs...I still think I need to put in some effort in this relationship and its not the shore yet. Maybe its the beginning as well, so I cannot ask too much from her.

Now I feel much steadier and able to calm the ship because my mind is not being clouded by emotions and in a way, I kinda let go of the ideal r/s that I thought I wanted. In all due respect, every r/s is unique I guess. The joy of it is the connection that both parties have with each other. One can say I changed my perspective of my ideas so to suit her. Well, yes in a way, maybe not as well. In any case, I am on a clean slate anws, so there is no fixed template for me.

In a way, like what Ben said, happy jiu can le. So if we were to delve more into it, one just have to enjoy and be in the present and not worry/expect from the other. Regarding my insecurities, well if in the end, she decided that route, then it would just meant that I am not suited eventually. Most importantly, will be I have done it in the best possible manner I can be and that's something to take comfort in. And that I should have faith and trust in her since we had held hands in public and all and I am sure(hope) that if a girl who is willing to do that, there will be some kind of commitment on her part. So, rather den focusing on the negatives and the what ifs, why not be positive about it? At least, there is something good out of it.

I know I sound really emo and all, but in all honesty I am not, just that the feeling of adjusting to something new is kinda strange and difficult. There were down times as well as up times, but I think its a normal process bah between 2 people. And now after sorting out my thoughts and feelings through blogging about it, I feel much less burden on what to do. Just be myself and like her in my own way and just do my best in it. And the rest will come. Whether we should have nicknames for each other or should we do this or that. These will come naturally I am sure.