As one gets ever deeper in a relationship, as well as time goes by. Differences are beginning to creep up and it gets ever apparent in many ways. You start to wonder whether this is right, whether what you should be doing or doing is the right thing to do, where is the initial courage and motivation for this in whole thing.
Actually, after some thinking, a relationship is between 2 people, so the dynamics of the r/s have to be set in the relationship. Whether one is willing to give up certain aspects to compromise, and the other one is willing to make time for the other so to appease the other half. Furthermore, the aspect on understanding each other, letting go off previous expectations and society norms. Really, letting go of everything. Its difficult, maybe for me being a rather principled person, or put it bluntly, a stubborn and hard to change person.
I think this is a time where Confucius words are more apt than ever. to let go , to give each other space, to take a step back and see beyond the shell. And my favourite quote of all, if you shed tears when you miss the sun, you will miss the stars.
Its pretty apt, with me being all negative and hopeful about the sun(things that I wanted,thought, expected), I actually missed out the stars( her observance,her efforts n she opening up a little to me).
A heart cannot be of 2 minds, when 2 minds, there is no progress. A stand has to be taken. Which is true as well. When I closed my eyes, and dig deep into my memories, going back to times where we opened our hearts/soul to each other. Even though its for the briefest moments, the times where she inadvertently blurted out things that I know in her heart that is the truth. Samantha is right, if I don't try to understand her lifestyle and her soul faster than I knw samantha, its going to be a disaster and things will start to break down. However at the same time, what others had said, input and all, take it with a pinch of salt and have faith in us. I think thats the most difficult thing for me, the ability to fully trust somebody. Even I don't fully trusted samantha, when trials and adversities hit us, I always waver and I almost did 11 months, and thats considering a friendship over 6 years. And thank god, sam was the patient kind and the kind that is proactive and she will always try to come back to me. I don't know whether adeline will do the same, I doubt so, if anything she will always go back or revert back to her old self. Sam shows a more resilience picture whereas Adeline isn't. Then in that case, I will have to speed up my own emotional process and find a common or a settled heart as soon as possible. Yes, I will still have to show my displeasure at things that she dont want to do, because I want her to understand that I have my own needs. In a way, I have to managed her emotions,my own and at the same time, I will also have to incorporate some of her lifestyle into mine.
I think I will inadvertently feel that that I am giving a lot as well as letting her dictate me. No, I don't think I will ever let that happened, I feel that I should have the control in this r/s, in any case, we have to make things work. So , to cede control to either side its not really an ideal solution. But in all relationships, each and every one is unique and that once together, it is all about a getting to know each other better and understand each other better, to let go of past prejudices and to embrace new ideas and communication.
I think most importantly is the feeling of trust. The feeling that I think she ultimately must give me, once my trust/security wavers, I will do clingy things and irrational things. On my part I will have to at my most stable, most confident self and the ability to know what I want from her and from this r/s.
Be it meeting friends, taking pics, being public and all, I got to learn that these are not of utmost importance. Yes, they are important but it needs time and I will have to give her that. But with an ultimatum. Its in a way really like fishing. to pull back and to cast further out. I will just have to give my best and enjoy this new companion in my life, instead of keep asking her and testing her loyalty or love for me.
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