Someone told me that being in a relationship really opens your eyes and causes one to re-evaluate your previously conceived thoughts about ideals in your relationship. Especially for me with no prior experience, its a really steep learning curve. And in a way, I do myself no favours with being with someone who is completely different from me. Through it, I also learn a lot of things and my way of thought that is detrimental to a person's life as well as mental being. Yes, emotions are there, and yes, there will always be boundaries that will be crossed and disappointments will happen. For the past month, I have been a very emotional and negative creature. She did reminded me that we are still trying out as a couple and thats the reason why she don't want to be open to many people. Initially, I was gutted for a minute, but then a sense of calmness took over. Maybe because now I know, its confirm in a way, my insecurities that was never solved way back when we started.
Being negativity has its drawbacks, as it blinded me to a lot of things and her character. Its very easy to switch to the dark side, and think negative things. Its only reading The Secret when I realise that actually its really not that bad. There is this very thin curtain that separates the dark and the light. And once you realise that, its really easy from there on. There are a lot of encouraging things that had happen between us and though we are trying, but there are feelings between us and that we both are trying in our own ways to make it work. So, rather then cooped up and mopped around, by focusing thoughts on working it out and making it as a good and happy thing, things will turn out as what the universe or I want it to be.
And maybe had me and Sam last time, both had been more proactive in our dealings with each other, then we wouldn't have taken the long route to today...but I think its our thoughts that we will make it work and the universe help us in achieving it. I used to always just give up and don't bother, letting the other party choose, and me being negative and all...its not a good thing to do.
Today, change my thoughts in a way, to be more positive and things happen off in a good way and that it will happened. Even if it never happened, but least I smiled. Actually, once you are grateful for things in life, your world kinda brightens up, I have no idea why..but it just did.
Maybe thats why the christians always say things like, I thank you for bread and the wine...and stuff like this. By being grateful, you will see things in a different light and well...good stuff happens. All gloom and tiredness is lifted...I am grateful that I am together with her, grateful to have someone to hold hands with and the opportunity to see the many different sides of her and the emotional roller-coaster ride she puts me to.
Everything in life happens for a reason, be it you see it in a negative or positive way, even as I typed this entry now, it happened because I read the book and I want to share with you all. Like every book or article that pass through my life, they were placed in my hands for a reason...by some unknown force. My life was saved by one, and hence, I am grateful for that. Humans are very absent minded beings, whenever things are going well, they tend to forget the things that had served them well, only to blame on things that don't really matter. Its all about rediscovery every day I guess.
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