Rivers.
We all know what rivers are, right? If you do not, please look up on Wikipedia. Now, rivers are like water snakes when being viewed from the top. The long meandering water passageways along vast green lands. The boatman will be on his craft, navigating the currents and the curves of this slithering waterway. Time to time, the river will pan out into various passage ways as well, the boatman will then have to make a choice of whichever way is suitable for him.
Like the river, our lives are more or less similar as well. We are the boatman navigating our lives along the river. There will be turns here and there, there will be strong currents that we have to deal with and the nasty obstacles that are thrown in as well.
So, if I am going to super-imposed my current situation to the above. I am pretty much like along a river or a bend. However, I am not really at a junction yet. But I am unease for I had thought there should be a turn somewhere around where I am now. I kept leaning against the shore, trying to keep an eye out for that small bend, small stream that my craft can enter. I kept fighting the currents that comes with staying too near the shore and the river is strongly moving forwards. I am currently tired, and yesterday, I had thoughts of just letting go of the oars and just let the river flows, wherever she will take me. My plans were wrong, I can't find the turn or junction. I just want to lie in my craft and give my life away to the river, whence she will bring me to, to my demise or paradise.
Similarly, I am waiting and trying to force my way out of the current situation in my life. I set schedules, knowing that I am never good at following them. I decide to wake up at 5 to 5.30 every morning, which is good, but adhered to it too much. I am not happy that I am not losing enough weight. It's very much like the boatman rowing close to the shore, looking for that turn.
I battle demons, big or small, within myself everyday , willing me to do this or that and keep questioning me why things aren't happening for me. Similarly, like the boatman, I am battling the hidden currents.
Recently, a voice came out in my head and I was reminded of the struggles I had during my search for a bank job back in 2013. I remembered about self help books that I read, "The Secret", "Now".
Like the boatman, I was expecting a turn, but obviously there ain't any. Hence, I spend so much energy fighting the currents that I am exhausted. I became bitter. There is so much energy and focus spent on finding the turn that I kinda forget that there may not be any until further downstream.
I am not a peace.
A good boatman will know how to use the current, and knows that there are many turns along the long meandering river that will eventually bring us to our destination. As long as due diligence is put it, coupled with a dash of hope.
Everyday, I pressure myself unnecessarily over things like, I need to study now, work out now, no time, need to be home, need to sleep, need to wake up at 5,need to buy groceries. Eventually, I am out of sync with what I want n what I need. I have always trust my gut feeling, my inner compass. And my gut feeling have been telling me that something is wrong for some time already, but I refuse to believe it. For fear that I may slack off, give up or just plain lazy. There is no focus, just plain grinding. That explains why I couldn't really last long at maple story.
I guess I should let my craft follows the current. As I steer my craft towards the centre and not fussing about the hidden turns along the shore. When I told myself to let go of the pressure, I feel more at ease with myself. I am not giving up finding that turn, it's just that I am not so obsessed with it anymore. The thing about rivers and life is that one will never know how it spans. For all we know, I will be presented with a clear junction and that's where a choice have to be made.
We all know what rivers are, right? If you do not, please look up on Wikipedia. Now, rivers are like water snakes when being viewed from the top. The long meandering water passageways along vast green lands. The boatman will be on his craft, navigating the currents and the curves of this slithering waterway. Time to time, the river will pan out into various passage ways as well, the boatman will then have to make a choice of whichever way is suitable for him.
Like the river, our lives are more or less similar as well. We are the boatman navigating our lives along the river. There will be turns here and there, there will be strong currents that we have to deal with and the nasty obstacles that are thrown in as well.
So, if I am going to super-imposed my current situation to the above. I am pretty much like along a river or a bend. However, I am not really at a junction yet. But I am unease for I had thought there should be a turn somewhere around where I am now. I kept leaning against the shore, trying to keep an eye out for that small bend, small stream that my craft can enter. I kept fighting the currents that comes with staying too near the shore and the river is strongly moving forwards. I am currently tired, and yesterday, I had thoughts of just letting go of the oars and just let the river flows, wherever she will take me. My plans were wrong, I can't find the turn or junction. I just want to lie in my craft and give my life away to the river, whence she will bring me to, to my demise or paradise.
Similarly, I am waiting and trying to force my way out of the current situation in my life. I set schedules, knowing that I am never good at following them. I decide to wake up at 5 to 5.30 every morning, which is good, but adhered to it too much. I am not happy that I am not losing enough weight. It's very much like the boatman rowing close to the shore, looking for that turn.
I battle demons, big or small, within myself everyday , willing me to do this or that and keep questioning me why things aren't happening for me. Similarly, like the boatman, I am battling the hidden currents.
Recently, a voice came out in my head and I was reminded of the struggles I had during my search for a bank job back in 2013. I remembered about self help books that I read, "The Secret", "Now".
Like the boatman, I was expecting a turn, but obviously there ain't any. Hence, I spend so much energy fighting the currents that I am exhausted. I became bitter. There is so much energy and focus spent on finding the turn that I kinda forget that there may not be any until further downstream.
I am not a peace.
A good boatman will know how to use the current, and knows that there are many turns along the long meandering river that will eventually bring us to our destination. As long as due diligence is put it, coupled with a dash of hope.
Everyday, I pressure myself unnecessarily over things like, I need to study now, work out now, no time, need to be home, need to sleep, need to wake up at 5,need to buy groceries. Eventually, I am out of sync with what I want n what I need. I have always trust my gut feeling, my inner compass. And my gut feeling have been telling me that something is wrong for some time already, but I refuse to believe it. For fear that I may slack off, give up or just plain lazy. There is no focus, just plain grinding. That explains why I couldn't really last long at maple story.
I guess I should let my craft follows the current. As I steer my craft towards the centre and not fussing about the hidden turns along the shore. When I told myself to let go of the pressure, I feel more at ease with myself. I am not giving up finding that turn, it's just that I am not so obsessed with it anymore. The thing about rivers and life is that one will never know how it spans. For all we know, I will be presented with a clear junction and that's where a choice have to be made.
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