Precious Present

Today is rather super sianz day and not least after news from 2 persons who had an impact on my life reached me, its not a very good summation after all. But in anyways, I won't be saying about the 2. Just me. Am sorry if anyone read this and exclaim " oh man..its another emo post again"...

Today, woke up,decided to do some korean studying...did a bit, but when I wanted to grab my uni stuff to study, I can't bring myself to. I think I seriously am not suited for the home studying this season, and I wonder why. To tell you the truth, I am @!@#$%^& pissed with myself for not being able to carry on mugging and sticking to my plans. I know most of you will think that I am paranoid, mad or perfectionist...but I always put pressure on myself because I know thats how I will chiong. I know this might sound weird, but I am stressed over not being stressed, get it?

Wonder whether its because of can't being able to concentrate or something. But regardless the reason, I really can't stand it when I see the 24 hrs ticking down. And when You think about reality, you know that life really sucks sometimes, of course, its not as bad as some others in the world. The magnitude of sucks is just relative to my ownself. Just a disclaimer here.

Once there was a boy. . . . Who listened to an old man.  And, thus, he began to learn about The Precious Present.  "It is a present because it is a gift," the contented man explained.  "And it is precious because anyone who receives such a present is happy forever."
"Wow!" the little boy exclaimed.  "I hope someone gives me The Precious Present.  Maybe I'll get it for Christmas."  The boy ran off to play.  And the old man smiled.  He liked to watch the little boy play.  He saw the smile on the youngster's face and heard him laughing as he swung from a nearby tree.  The boy was happy.  And it was a joy to see.
The old man also liked to watch the boy work.  He even rose early on Saturday mornings to watch the little laborer mow the lawn across the street.  The boy actually whistled while he worked.  The little child was happy no matter what he was doing.  It was, indeed, a joy to behold.
When he thought about what the old man had said, the boy thought he understood.  He knew about presents.  Like the bicycle he got for his birthday and the gifts he found under the tree on Christmas morning.  But as the boy thought more about it, he knew.  The joy of toys never lasts forever.
The boy began to feel uneasy.  "What then," he wondered, "is The Precious Present?  What could possibly make me happy forever?"  He found it difficult to even imagine the answer.  And so he returned to ask the old man.




"Is the Present a magical ring?  One that I might put on my finger and make all my wishes come true?" 
"No," the old man said.   "The precious present has nothing to do with wishing."
As the boy grew older he continued to wonder.  He went to the old man.  "Is the Precious Present a flying carpet?" he inquired.  "One that I could get on and go any place that I like?"
"No," the man quietly replied.   "When you have the precious present, you will be perfectly content to be where you are."
The boy was becoming a young man now, and felt a bit foolish for asking. But he was uncomfortable. He began to see that he was not achieving what he wanted. "Is the Precious Present," he slowly ventured, "a sunken treasure? Perhaps rare gold coins buried by pirates long ago?"
"No, young man," the old man told him. "It is not.  The richness is rare, indeed, but the wealth of the Present comes only from itself."
The young man thought for a moment. Then he became annoyed. "You told me," the young man said, "that anyone who receives such a present would be happy forever. I never got such a gift as a child."
"I'm afraid you don't understand," the old man responded.  "You already know what the Precious Present is.  You already know where to find it.  And you already know how it can make you happy.  You knew it best when you were a small child.  You simply have forgotten."


The young man went away to think. But as time passed, he became frustrated, and finally angry. He eventually confronted the old man. "If you want me to be happy," the young man shouted, "why don't you just tell me what the Precious Present is?"
"And where to find it?" the old man volleyed.
"Yes, exactly," the young man demanded.
"I would like to," the old man began. "But I do not have such power.  No one does.  Only you have the power to make yourself happy.  Only you.  The Precious Present isn't something that someone gives you.  It's a gift that you give yourself."
The young man was confused, but determined.  He resolved to find the Precious Present himself.  And so he packed his bags.  He left where he was.  And went elsewhere.  To look for the Precious Present.
After many frustrating years, the man grew tired of looking for the Precious Present. He had read all the latest books.  And he had looked in The Wall Street Journal.  He had looked into the mirror.  And into the faces of other people.  He had wanted so much to find the Precious Present.  He had gone to extraordinary lengths.  He had looked for it at the tops of mountains and in cold dark caves.  He had searched for it in dense, humid jungles.  And underneath the seas.  But it was all to no avail.  His stressful search had exhausted him.  He even became ill occasionally.  But he did not know why.
The man returned wearily to the old man's side.  The old man was happy to see him.  They often laughed out loud together.  The young man liked to be with the old man.  He felt happy in his presence.  He guessed that this was because the old man felt happy with himself.  It wasn't that the old man's life was so trouble-free.  He didn't appear to have a lot of money.  He seemed to be alone most of the time.  In fact, there was no apparent reason why he was so much happier and healthier than most people were.  But happy he was.  And so were those who spent time with him.  "Why does it feel so good to be with him?" the young man wondered.  "Why?" He left wondering.


After many years, the once-young man returned to inquire further.  He was now very unhappy and often ill.  He needed to talk with the old man.  But the old man had grown very, very old.  And, all too soon, he spoke no more.  The wise voice could no longer be heard.
The man was alone.  At first, he was saddened by the loss of his old friend.  And then he became frightened.  Very frightened.  He was afraid that he would never learn how to be happy.  Until  finally he accepted what had always been true.  He was the only one who could find his own happiness.  The unhappy man recalled what the happy old man had told him so many years ago.  But as hard as he tried he could not figure it out; he tried to understand what he had heard:
THE PRESENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WISHING. . . WHEN YOU HAVE THE PRESENT YOU WILL BE PERFECTLY CONTENT TO BE WHERE YOU ARE. . . THE RICHNESS OF THE PRESENT COMES FROM ITS OWN SOURCE. . . THE PRESENT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE GIVES YOU. . . IT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF. . . .
The unhappy man was now tired of looking for the Precious Present.  He had grown so tired of trying that he simply stopped trying.  And then, it happened!  He didn't know why it happened when it happened.  It just. . . happened!  He realized that the Precious Present was just that:  THE PRESENT.  Not the past, and not the future, but THE PRECIOUS PRESENT.
In an instant the man was happy.  He realized that he was in the Precious Present.  He raised both hands triumphantly into the cool, fresh air.  He was joyous--for one moment.  But then, just as quickly as he had discovered it, he let the joy of the present moment evaporate.  He slowly lowered his hands, touched his forehead, and frowned.  The man was unhappy--again.
"Why," he asked himself, "didn't I see the obvious long ago?  Why have I missed so many precious moments?"  "Why has it taken me so long to live in the present?"  As the man remembered his fruitless travels around the world in his search for the Precious Present, he knew how much happiness he had lost.
He had not experienced what each special time and place had to offer.  He had missed a great deal.  And he felt sad.  The man continued to berate himself.  And then he saw what he was doing.  He observed that he was trapped by his guilt about his past.
When he became aware of his unhappiness and of his being in the past, he returned to the present moment.  And he was happy.  But then the man began to worry about the future.  "Will I," he asked, "be able to know the joy of living in the Precious Present tomorrow?"  Then he saw he was living in the future and laughed--at himself.
He listened to what he now knew.  And he heard the wisdom of his own voice.  "It is wise for me to think about the past and to learn from it, but it is not wise for me to be in the past, for that is how I lose myself.
"It is also wise for me to think about the future, and to prepare for my future, but it is not wise for me to be in the future, for that, too, is how I lose myself.  I lose what is precious to me."
It was so simple.  And now he saw it.  The present nourished him.  But the man knew it was not going to be easy.  Learning to be in the present was a process he was going to have to do over and over, again and again, until it became a part of him.  Now he knew why he had enjoyed being with the old man.
The old man was totally present when he was with the younger man.  The old man was not thinking about something else or wishing that he was somewhere else.  He was fully present.  And it felt good to be with such a person.  The younger man smiled at himself, the way the old man used to smile.  He knew.  "I can choose to be happy now, or I can try to be happy when. . . or if. . . ."
The man chose NOW!  And now the man was happy.  He felt at peace with himself.  He agreed to savor each moment in his life. . .  The apparently good and the apparently bad. . . Even if he didn't understand.  For the first time in his life, it didn't matter.  He accepted each of his precious moments on this planet as a gift.
"I know that some people choose to receive the Precious Present when they are young, others in middle age, and some when they are old.  Some people, sadly, never do.  I can choose to receive the Precious Present whenever I want."
As the man sat thinking, he felt fortunate.  He was who he was, where he was.  And now he knew!  He would always be whom he was where he was.
He listened again to his thoughts.  "The present is what it is.  It is valuable.  Even I do not know why.  It is already just the way it is supposed to be.  When I see the present, accept the present, and experience the present, I am well, and I am happy.  Pain is simply the difference between what is and what I want it to be.
"When I feel guilty over my imperfect past, or I am anxious over my unknown future, I do not live in the present.  I experience pain.  I make myself ill.  And I am unhappy.
"My past was the present.  And my future will be the present.  The present moment is the only reality I ever experience.
"As long as I continue to stay in the present, I am happy forever, because forever is always the present.
"The present is simply who I am, just the way I am, right now.  And it is precious.  I am precious.  I am the Precious Present."
It was as though he could hear the old man talking.  And then he smiled.  And his smile widened.  And he laughed.  He felt great joy.  He knew he was listening, not to the old man. . . But to himself.
It felt good for him to be with himself--just the way he was.  He felt he knew enough.  He felt he had enough.  He felt he was enough.  Now.
He had finally found the Precious Present.  And he was completely happy.
Several decades later, the man had grown into a happy, prosperous, and healthy old man.  One day a little girl came by to talk to him.  She liked to listen to "the old man," as she called him.  It was fun to be with him.  There was something special about him.  But she didn't know what it was.
One day, the little girl began to really listen to the old man.  Somehow she sensed something important in his calm voice.  He seemed very happy.  The little girl couldn't understand why.  "How could someone so old," she wondered, "be so happy?"  She asked and the old man told her why.
Then all of a sudden, the little girl jumped up and squealed with delight!  As the girl ran off to play, the old man smiled.  For he heard what she had said:  "Wow!" she exclaimed.  "I hope someday someone gives me the Precious Present!"


Just something for you guys to read. 

Bishan Park Exploration

 Wide Open Fields

 Sun-tan anyone?

 Mac in the middle of nowhere

 Must run behind this red marker for safety when floods

 A piece of old bishan park kept

 Damn Pain!!!@@#$%^^

 Just to prove I am actually here

 First Foray into the river

 Chilling at Mac

 Inside the structure

 The view from the top most point of bishan park

 Escargots anyone? tee hee

Postlude

Well, now its exactly 1.47am. I think I kinda satisfied the writer in me. Haha...I can't really think of anything to end this barrage of entries. Lol...and seems like its gonna rain again...just saw lightning flashed passed....oks I really ran out of topic. So, good night.

On nature

For some reasons, I am very very drawn towards nature. I always yearn for the wide and open spaces of a plateau, the loud crashes of the sea waves on the beaches, the rustling of the leaves whenever the wind blows, the ever changing hues of colours. And the list goes on. Do any of you notice them? Maybe its my character, the kind of person that even if I went past or done something before, but there will be times where I will be like " wow...its still beautiful", or why didn't i notice it before?".

Sometimes it could also be the small and narrow minded thinking of being in singapore, and that's why I yearn for such wide spaces. I can never forget a scene in Blue Mountains, Sydney.

Back in 2004, I had the privilege of having an outdoor hiking trip in the blue mountains. Its my first outdoor trip, and me being a nerd/geek/ city boy, all these strenuous activities quite something for me. I vividly remember this scene. It was the 3rd day of hiking and now we are moving up slope, so it was tougher, I can still remember wei ren behind me and kept saying " lets keep going, lets keep going" like in the finding nemo movie. Then there was this huge canopy of trees that cover most of the sunlight which was cool-ling since its pretty hot. Suddenly, in front, people were cheering and saying that its near the end, and then utter silence. As I was wondering why, I too reach the spot where this phenomenal happens. Let me describe to you, in front of me was like some kind of hedge of plants and vines that had grown onto the fences so there is this short steps where one can climb over. Keeping in mind, the lighting was still quite dark due to the canopy and once you cross the steps, there is this blinding light. So being tired as I was, my head was hanging downwards. As I made my way through the steps and crossed across. The wind blows strongly, I shade my eyes from the blinding sun, and in front of me was a sight that I can never ever forget. Hills rolling besides each other, the valley of mountains in the distance, and the colourful flowers that were all around us. Red, purple, blue and yellow...all moving according to where the wind blows. Everyone that crossed, were just silent. There were no need for sounds, nature has taken it away from us and in return, exchange with such breath-taking scenery,

Ever since then, like a sindarin elf that once heard the ocean( LOTR trivia), I can never get that feeling out of my soul. Singapore also have their own sights and scenery, places like at Promontory near the Marina Financial Centre. It never fails to take my breath away, whenever, I am feeling down or lost. I would always turn up there and take in the sights and feel the wind blowing. Its really an awesome place.

Where/Who/What am I ?

Losing one self. I am sure many of us have felt it, I for sure have many such experiences. Or maybe its just a very prevalent mental disease that affects everyone but people don't show it. I am someone that strongly believes in taking a break when one feels that one is running without an aim, without a goal and that feeling of aimless is eating your very soul. Sometimes, the reason why one runs without stopping and from one activity to another, might be due to the very reason of running away from things. Of course, you might never really know it until you become frank with yourself. I am not saying this is true for everyone, I mean...look its good to have an unrelenting behaviour in chasing after your dreams and goals, look where Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerburg is.

But to me, without a target, a destination...I always feel that I cannot commit myself fully to something. Its like only when the stars are aligned and then we go to war. I figured life is pretty much really the same, make peace with yourself and you will never feel lost again.

Prelude

Well today feel like blogging today, maybe because been listening to too much emotional OSTs so it bring out the emotional side of me today...haha. Though as ridiculously as this may sounds, but somehow being emo kinda brings a balance to one's life. Being emo, forces someone to stop and think and reflect on the past so as to determine what causes the current situation. If we don't stop to think and pause, and rather just keep chionging, making  the situation much worse than it is...won't it be even worse off?

While listening to the emo tunes, there's no lyrics, just the tunes. Who needs songs to feel emo de, music can do the tricks already...haha. I can feel writer in me getting stirred up again. As well as the constant thought that I am already 23, soon to be 24 and that should appreciate life more before selling your soul to society and all. At the same time, the fighter in me, shouts " You shall not steal the kid in me!" I guess life would have reply with a smirk " Try, just try mortal"...haha

Within a blink of an eye, the falling of the sand, the clouds fades and gathers, its already the end of march and the beginning of april. There you have it, the first quarter of 2012 is over. To tell you guys the truth, seriously touch my heart kind, anyways, here also no secrets from any of you who stumble here...cuz you all have special access only...so no secrets between us...haha. For some reason, this time exams, I am not in a panic mode(2010), neither am I in the zone mode(2011) but rather in a...I don't know...calm mode? Yes, there are pressure being felt at certain areas, but its not the severe kind of pain that will freak me out. Wonder whether its the smoothing effect after the previous 2 years. Feel like having a break tomorrow and go out and explore, not shop( i spend too much le..lol)..but to go out, experience the little subtleties of life. If I ever get my lazy bum out.

I don't know about much of you peeps, but have you ever try to communicate with your inner self? I don't know how to put this out to you, but I feel that we always have multiple selves within our own body. Sometimes, there is this inner voice that talks to you. Just like the devil and angel that always happens in cartoons and start whispering in your ear right...haha. To me, its only when this inner self and me, the external soul that is of one harmony, then I feel that the world is for me to conquer. To put it in a more cliché phrase, "When the heart and mind are one, will the body be at peace".

And maybe thats why I was contemplating whether to skip tomorrow or rather today's lesson in 8 hrs time, so that I can spend more time with my inner self and try to find the harmony between both of us.

Nothing to do here...

Well seems that I hadn't been blogging for quite some time heh. 미안해...been trying to mug. Lol...its always the case isn't ?...haha. Trying to keep my spirits high this time round, though come to think of it, its not a very good looking situation. No point looking through rose tinted glasses. QF like EOE last year is like another subject to throw away de for me, but nonetheless hoping can pass lor. And I still haven confirm my 2nd upper yet...so I am still in a precarious situation. In any case, HWAITING