28 on 28 April 2016

Its my 28th year on this planet earth and here I am, sitting on a bar in Chye Seng Huat Hardware Coffee Shop. Waiting for my artisanal coffee being prepared by the barista at a corner. 28 years already.

It seems that I have lived a long time and that in my current state of some of my friends, they are already Dads and head of the family. Its like at 28 , we are expected to be matured and handle a lot of adult responsibilities. In actual fact, most of us , especially degree holders, we have only just entered the workforce a little more then 3 years ago. Seriously, I used to think that 30 years old is a pretty big number, its a number that one should be already married and that in a few years time, you are expected to be preparing to have a kid. And that Cat, recently, wanted to pursue Masters and a possibility that she might extend her stay in Ernst & Young, kind of alarm me. Marriage, wedding and stuff is at times to me, a bit of an obligation to my Grandparents. My Grandparents whom have been hoping to see their grandson start a family. To them, its like their wishes have been fulfilled. My Ah Gong, whom passed away earlier, did not get the chance to see Charmaine and Derek got married, to see his great-grandson. I know that Popo would want to see me get married too. And she is getting older too as well as my Gong-gong. 

However, I also know that I do not want to shortchange Cat's dreams as well. From a rational point of view, I am fully supportive of her dreams for a Masters. The young ones should not forsake their dreams for the older ones unless they are able to accommodate them. For her reason to possibly extend an additional year to get a better pay, I am not sure of that as her 1 year out of the workforce, will not be able to guarantee a similar pay scheme in the future. Of course, it will be higher then if she quit as plan. Additionally, I am also worried about the timeline for Cat to have kids. The golden period is from 30 to 40, and the nearer to 40, the more dangerous it is. In this aspect, I have to be the one to plan and accommodate these events that may/may not happen. Its a bit exciting and scary if you ask me. Don't get me started on housing as well. If we BTO as plan, then its another 5 years of waiting(Cat will be approximate 34). And logically, it will be more conducive to have kids if the place is ours, rather than a rented unit. So, if cat decides to extend an additional year, I might want to look at resale flats. Actually we should have look at it regardless of that decision. 

So, as you see, being 28 brings their own fair share of adult responsibilities. Having said that, for guys, its alright, I am just worried about Cat's health and also my grandparents wishes. Its a bit daunting and that being 28, its a bit unlike the ideal ' its my life, my own decisions' thought. Of course, its up to individual on how they want to live their life. Most importantly, its to live life happily and ensure that your partner is also happy. If cat decides to stay an additional year because of the exposure and the higher pay, and that she will regret in the future, I rather she just extend. That's my bottom line I guess. Like I said, the young ones should not sacrifice their dreams for the older ones. 

That's the responsibility portion of 28.

Now, every time I thought back, of the time where I just started working in BNP at age 25. Its only 3 years. Assuming that I will retire at age 64, I still have another 39 years of work in me. Of course, that's never my intention to retire so late. Hopefully, by 50, I am already a feet in retirement le. So, when you think about it, I am still quite young, I have many more years in me to play with. To achieve my goal of financial freedom. To be able to take on more risk. As much as I would love to be part of the hippie gang and travel round the world and all. Ultimately, the thing that riles me up is that I am able to create a portfolio, to be financially free, to be able to have passive income flowing in. If possible, the second stage I can be helping people and society. Its a bit like impact investing. That's something exciting to live for. 

My life has just started in that way. I think this is the ultimate direction I would want in life. I can scale back my travels for it, as much as i love travelling, I feel that this is more fulfilling. Its exciting just thinking about it. The road will be tough and as usual, my not so persistence self will set in and question my direction. All along I have not been able to find another direction yet, maybe this is not my ultimate goal in life, but its currently mine now. It has always been since I was 17 years old. 

Time to take back some control of my life. 28 and counting. Fight on Eugene, lets go to a better place. A place for you !!

To be free

Today, at work I happen to hit myself with another incident report again. And this time round, I can't really have any excuses for it. Eventually, I am also not really bothered by it either. Unlike the first time at equities or even at fund execution where I really panicked and emo about it. This time round I am more nonchalant about it. Rather, I just move on to the next thing that I had to do and all. Eventually, Kok Whee helped me to write it out, and I am once again lucky that my seniors always help me to type out incident reports and all.

However, it has dawn to me again that this is not where I should be. I think I have been pondering over such questions since I started to work in this bank. I kept asking such questions every so now and then. It feels like I do not below there, at the end of the day, I get a decent pay and very decent working hours. But somehow, this place does not seems right for me.

Everyday, I always ask myself, what's my goal?, whats my passion ? where to go ? what to do? It kind of dawn to me that , maybe just maybe, I should just put in the effort in the direction that somehow I had already set upon.

I will just have to proceed and continue my studies on fundamental analysis. I want to lose weight.I want to be financially free. Financially Free...Free

Old Friend

Hello my old friend.

It has been ages since I last wrote here. I started this blog as it was the in thing back in 2005. Little did I know it will aid me greatly in my mental health as a diary through out the years. As time passes, the objective for this blog was ever changing. It soon became a way for me to reach out to Samantha back in 2007 after I was rejected by her. Again as time passes, it became my treasure trove or pensieve for all my thoughts. Subsequently, the posts got lesser. As I grew older, the notion of blogging seems to be dwindling. Pig and Cat seems to have also stop blogging. These days, I don't think anyone comes by you anymore, even Samantha has stop blogging for awhile. I tried to switch back to another app called Journey, as it is more private.

However, I think you and me have some unfinished business, my friend. Do you want to know why I named you 'Imladris' ? Imladris is the sole haven for the wise and immortal elves living in Middle Earth. Its a haven for all living beings and mortals away from the weariness of the world. It is a place to rest,recharge and to seek counsel. And, my friend, you have been the Imladris of my life, I have rest, cry , smile and manage to find counsel in you. Your archives allowed me to time travel and reach back to the old me, me when I was young, more in tune with my intuition, at the same time, to see the youthful foolishness in my young self. I am already 27 going to 28, my old friend. it has been a decade since we came together. It feels long isn't ? Yet I feel young again, writing to you seems to have reverse time and that I have a good deal left in my finite lifetime.

There is another adventure awaiting us over the horizon, would you come with me on this journey, old friend ?

"“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” 
―Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings

The world behind the walls

As always, long chats with samantha is always a treat for the senses. Ranging from a variety of topics. From worldly to the imaginable future, very intense. Which brings me to this anime that was my favourite last year.

kyojin no shingeki. Aka Attack of the Titans.

Summary is that humans boarded themselves behind huge walls that separate themselves between the man eating titans. I remember a scene that the protagonist listened to stories of wide open seas and High reaching mountains and he was stirred to see them. To be free of the walls. Even if it will kill him.

So hearing stuffs from samantha, listening to her on economic issues, the currency shortage, the things on a bigger scale. It always give me the feeling that the world is so big, there are so many fascinating unchartered places out there. Like the world is beyond the walls around me, there is another world out there. It might be scary and you can be killed out there. However, I believe that humans are meant to roam the earth, there are greater stuff out there and even though it's possible to even be killed, some will venture out there instead of just purely staying behind those walls.

The safehouse

If any of you have watch the Avengers:Age of Ultron. You may remember the scene where the Avengers were beaten by Ultron and his team and that they were downtrodden. Hawkeye brought them to his family house which was somehow erased from all database across the world.

So I pretty much feel like the safe house and Sam is the Hawkeye... Not saying that she has any superpower, well, even Hawkeye doesn't have any. So she is not saving the world either but she tends to gravitate to the high zenith of the world.

So, if shit happens, well, generally she is magnet for one, I m around to kind of make her start grounded n sane. I m not blowing my own trumpet here though in a way I am.. Haha

One of the few achievements in life is really in just doing that. Sometimes when I feel really useless and query why my life seems to be so worthless. My inner works tells me that there is someone out there that who is pretty much alive n doing well because of me. Not that I did anything much really. I just listen, say n joke a little that's all. But to know that I managed to provide a place of solace for someone and give her some courage in life. I guess it's give me a feeling that maybe I m not so useless anymore.

In return, she always invigorates me with a sense of energy n courage too, with her endeavours in life.

It's definitely not a one way thing.

Till this day, after a decade, I still find our friendship, nothing short of amazing.

On travelling

Freedom of travels

The uncertainty.
The colors.
The people.
The air.
The disappointments.
The food.
The temperature.
The language.
The survivalist.
The vast landscapes.
The friendliness in unforeseen places.
The journey.
The smiles.

And these are why I like to travel.

Merdeka!

Yesterday, the heavens poured,as if the heavens are weeping as well. Citizens wept, kneeled, shouted but resolute, in the pouring rain.

In the comfort of my newly minted executive condominium, I sense that the whole island had stop. This was a Sunday, a day where families hang out and where groceries are bought. None of these had happened, not since 9am in the morning. No traffic was heard, no sounds of kids even the birds seems to be on mourning. At 1230pm, the funeral procession started. The rain poured heavily, my mother exclaimed that the people will definitely retreat into the shelters to step back. In my heart, I kinda mock at her, that today it wont happened, today is not the day that we Singaporeans will backed away from the elements. We will stand resolved and resolute in the rain, even for just a few seconds with the man. And I was right, countless Singaporeans stand strong and upright, offering help to the needy. The students in their ponchos and uniforms soak to their skins, stand and brave the elements. A couple of old men stood upright and tall amidst the torrential rain, oblivious to the fact that the probability of them falling sick have increased. It's as if they found their youth back, salutes given to the man were strong and respectful with am upright back.

As the cortege passed, shouts of "Lee Kuan Yew", "Thank you, Mr Lee" were shouted and renditions of our favourite national day songs were sang. Petals were thrown over the casket, flowers were strewn over the roads and our national flag, the crescent and stars were waved. I noticed that as the strong wind blows, our flag looks magestic as it was held aloft. Traffic stopped on the opposite roads as people got out of the cars and wanted to be part of history.

One consistent images that had struck me the most through out this passing week. Was that of our Pioneer Generation, especially the men, who had saluted to Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I remember telling cat that I felt it's not right to salute because LKY is not from the army and as soldiers we only recognised the state flag, our constitution and the armed forces. However, after these passing week, LKY and his team are Singapore and will always be. In that sense, a salute is appropriate. I have always believe that a man's salute and the way he carry himself including the speeches he give, says a lot of the person character. The salutes I have seen from these old timers were of great substance and were filled with respect for the extraordinary man.

To see Mr Chiam, being allocated a place in the procession was also heart warming. This man would not have held on to Potong Pasir GRC, for so long if he does not have the capabilites as a leader. Though he hardly won any fights or debates with LKY, I could see that he was a gentlemen. I can not say so much of LTK, but let's not be drawn in that direction.

As the cortege made its way to the UCC(university cultural centre), the final stage for Mr Lee have begin. I look outside and saw that most of my neighbours were glued to the screen, watching intently. I sat through for the first 4 eulogies, felt that PM Lee gave one of his finest speeches ever in his political career. Maybe like what my uncle had commented, his chains have finally been free from his dad. I view it as that Singapore have been left to him to shoulder on, to carry forward. I forecast that we are going to see a slightly stronger PM Lee in the next few years.

When the minute of silence was observed, I sat down and closed my eyes. I say my thanks and gratitude to the man, who have gave me a much comfortable starting point in life. When the pledge was said, my self conscious crept in, as I am afraid of losing face in my family. However when the state flag was shown and the national song was sang, I realised how cowardly I was. I stood up and Ernest commented on that. I gave a lame excuse and said that it's the state flag.

I stood in a "ser nang di ri "position (don't know how to write in malay), and stood upright in front of the TV. In my heart, I sang the national anthem.

Once the wreaths were placed and all was done, the last post and all, it's the end of the ceremony.

It marks the end of an era. Our tiny island began to come back to life. And as our pragmatism rang through, life goes on.

This morning, I woke up late and felt a little lost. The same feeling when Ah Gong passed away. I wander around the house, taking in the beauty of my condominium, the blue skies and clouds that floated past, the greenery of the trees around us. I thank LKY for it in my heart, I see his legacy all around us, it's like he never truly left us. I remember I thought to myself that my Ah Gong had never left us too, I have his genes and blood, I am the living embodiment of my grandpa.

As I read the final articles in the papers of him, I look out of the balcony and felt a sense of clarity and a renewed faith in my people.

For this is my home, my uniquely Singapore. If you ask me what sort of freedom I have, I would have shouted "Merdeka". Only this kind of unique freedom, you can find only here and no where else.

To Mr Lee, you have once again rallied and United a nation. You did so on 8th August 1965, you had done so again on 23rd March 2015.

Sir, we will keep defending and believing in this country for which you had believed in so strongly. MAJULAH SINGAPURA!

Farewell, Sir.