Resigned to Fate

I think this is pretty much recurrent in my life.

Initial huge drive, seems to be of little progress, take a break, find excuses and then resigned to fate.

It definitely makes me feel bad and weak whenever I had noticed that life seems to be going be just that. At times, I do feel sick in the stomach when I know that I had become a drifter.  Ah yes, a drifter. The proverbial someone whom is akin to a drift wood on the ocean, just drifting wherever the ocean brings it.

Here is a story.

After months of floating on the ocean in a life boat, I awake to find sea gulls in the air. Was I hallucinating? Shrills of the gulls once again penetrated my skull. LAND!! I have reach land!! I looked out of the boat, and there it was, the sandy beaches and towering mountains with clear blue landings. It was my lucky day; even the currents were pushing me towards a landing. I bolted out of the boat, like a kid chasing an ice cream truck, and I knelt down on the soft sand. Finally, I have reached an island.

Of course, this is not an end to all my troubles. I have absolutely no clue where am I, my goal was to survive and make my way back to civilization. Back in my mind, I have a niggling feeling where I am, yet I am hoping that I had hit a populated island like Papua New Guinea. Unbeknownst to me, I was on an uninhabited island among the French Polynesian islands. I laid on the sand and face the sun, no more bobbling up and down the oceans and worrying about sharks or the potential sinking of the boat.

I dusted myself and decided to head into the rainforest to set up camp and take stock of the situation. As the weeks passed, I found places to fish, a plot of land to cultivate and a cave to hide from the elements. A year passed, I have learnt how to fish and manage to grow basic vegetables like Potatoes and carrots, and have shifted from a cave to a makeshift wooden hut. Initially, I was malnourished, having to feed on berries and tree barks. Then, I told myself that I have to survive, I have to keep on going. Little by little, I managed to get my strength back and start to pick up on new skills. Now, I am living in a comfy hut with food on the table. It’s incomparable to the days where I was eating in a restaurant. But, I can survive and just got on fine.

Just the other day, a crate washed up on shore and I found a soft toy among some books and magazines. I use the magazines for smoke signals, so that any passing plane or ship will be able to spot it. The soft toy was an owl; I decided to call it Flippie. Please do not ask me why, it’s a name that pops out of my head for some reason or two. So Flippie became my new friend, well, a pretty rude friend per se, as he does not reply back. Everyday Flippie will accompany me as I set out with my daily routine, pulling in the crabs from the traps I set along a rocky beach called Rocky (named by yours truly). Sometimes I will follow a stream towards a huge waterfall called Thunder to see if I am able catch any trout. Afternoon, will head into the forest and cut down wood and search dry tinder. Evening will cook the food and watches as the sunsets beyond the horizon.

Months flew passed, and many sunsets have set, my pages of magazine began to wind down. Some days I questioned the very need of tending to my smoke signals. Where was I from? Do I truly need to get back to civilization? Flippie though he is rude, but there have been no arguments or conflicts. I have been able to eat enough to survive and my hut was good enough to survive the elements. Weather has been great; blessed with no typhoons or earthquakes here. Only once did I see a water spout in the far distance and I thought was an incoming typhoon.

One day I dig further into the crate and found a huge stash of books. I began to read them while having my breaks in the afternoon and evening time. Through that time, I was transported to various planets and worlds and romance stories and eventually civilizations. As time passed, my dreams became ever so fidgety, I dreamt that a family friend has seen the end of days, I dreamt of the possibilities that I could have in civilizations and lastly, I dreamt of being stuck in a cage.  As I sat at the smoke signal point and staring at the crushing blue waves, another side of me was willing me to restart my journey to back home. I lit the flame and burn the pages of magazines once more as I watch the black smoke rises up into the dimming skies.

To quell my desire to stay, I decided to make short expeditions along the coast. Wondering whether is this island at all or is it linked to the mainland. Alas, as I headed eastwards, I came upon towering cliffs which I am sure I can’t scale them. Without proper gears, it’s certain death. I knew westwards are pretty impossible because the “Hell-holes” were there. That place looks very treacherous and that there were breathing sounds from the caves as waves after waves pounded the rocky shoreline. To my back, were the mountain ranges of “Zeus”, huge imposing mountains which seems to me like the Gods of Olympus might be there. With my limited gear and clothes, I do not think I will be able to survive the snowy ridges of those mountains. It would seem like the only way is to head out back into the ocean.

So that's something that I am experiencing right now. Just thought of putting things in a story mode.

Digging Deep and have Faith

The stormy skies before the rainbow.
The pain before the gain.
The struggle before freedom.

This morning I tried to hitch a ride on a gamble on a new listing on SGX. Failed, took a 4% loss instead.  Thought will be able to ride the momentum but because of the need for the money to be used elsewhere, I decided to cut even though my exit price is 10% loss.

“Will I miss out on any run on the stock?”
“Maybe a bull run tomorrow or something? “

Then I started thinking like I usually do.

My money under investments is money that can be lost. However, because of the fear of losing, I pulled back and of course besides the fact that my entire portfolio is still deeply in the red (20% down). Maybe I should have a savings instead, to match dollar for dollar that I had place in the investment fund. Of course, in such a manner, it will definitely reduce my ability to generate greater returns. Alternatively, I can still be looking at generating dividends more since this money are like my savings considering my rainy day fund is ridiculously low.

Of course, I have cash in other places as well, I have a decent sum with Cat in a FD and I still have a pretty liquid cash to compensate my retirement movement of 13K from OA to SA.I think if next year if there is any bonus, I will max out the requirement for the Goal To 15K annual target, 10% to Investment Fund and finally try to top up the rainy day fund to 6 months expenses target. Budget for holidays with Cat will have to take a back seat.

I often wonder if my insurance side is too large, 558 per month, almost a cool 20%. I mean it has definitely reduced in recent months as I cut down form a 630 per month. Looking at the statistics for my monthly budget, I only am able to allocate 4% to my rainy day fund, whereas my investment takes up to 10%.

I guess I do not have much room to maneuver either, for me to give up on the ILP now; it will definitely be a waste since it is supposed to be tagged to how well the market (i.e. Fund manager) performs and a diversification to my investment adventures.  Of course, pulling it out, I would at least be rewarded with 5K but it’s nothing compared to the amount I had put in since 2014, which is about least 10K.

So now going forward, I think I should shift my focus to dividend plays and stocks that are undervalued for my investment side. Currently, the bond markets are pretty unstable as well and the SSBs are giving lower interest then even a savings account.

Budget-wise, I do not think I can adjust much. I might want to let go monthly SGD 20 additional M1 plan. But I think I would still need an additional data plan, just in case my data busted or I need to be somewhere with my laptop.  After some checks, I signed a 24 months contract previously, so I still got another year to go with that. I think once my CFA is pay up for by 3Q next year and if I am lucky with a 100 buck increment (cross fingers), it will be a decent help.

I think still the only way is to dig deep and study hard for CFA, passed it, and applied for a change of job…and  keep getting better opportunities. In the meantime, look at keeping costs low and buy good quality stocks that are cheap and pay out good dividends.

Have Faith and keep plugging away.

Life’s Battles

I have somehow been drawn back to this idea of Life’s battles ever since I had used the phrase when I met up with Ben and Wei Ren.  So there I was, sending Ben back home, where he was commenting that we did not meet up often and sometimes we remain under the radar. So I was saying that “Maybe we are all fighting our own life’s battles.”

This caught my mind’s eye, in a way that it has already been almost 3 weeks since I met with them and still these words has been ringing around my head.  So…Life’s Battles huh…I guess recently since I had decided to undertake the CFA route again and to work towards that direction. I had classified that as a battle in my mind, a battle that I had to win because I have no other way. Of course, there are other ways but this is a path I had chosen and I wanted to stay on it. Rather than keep switching directions only to find out that I am walking in circles.

Looking inwards, in recent times, I had not been really studying much and all. Things that had distracted me can be things like my freedom fund project, people’s views about me, the lack of financial security, time and interpersonal relationships. Like all true logical rational types ,let's write down a list and go through them.

1) Freedom Fund Project

Recently, I had been disturbed by the thought that MIDAS had been losing money for me. Truth be told, it has always been a mistake and I had been secretly hoping that the price would have bounce back. If it’s in the past, I would have bought more if it went below 30 cents. Well now its 22 cents and their lowest in years. Should I take the loss or not? I am already looking at a 42% loss for that counter. Given the strong dividends from Keppel DC, I guess the dividends will be able to cover the losses soon.  So I guess I need to find out more about MIDAS and see whether it is right to sell a not? I am not too worried about Keppel Corp as of now thus it didn’t appear in my thoughts recently.

2)People’s views about me

I had always been concerned about how people have viewed me throughout my life. It’s one of those usual insecurities of humans; the acceptance from the rest of the population.  I worried what my parents will think if they see me out at 6am in the morning doing kickboxing or mugging. I worry how I will look and will look presentable to people. I guess it’s time to try to confront these insecurities and believed in myself and ask myself what are the main goals are. Find a way and whatever it takes.

 3)Lack of Financial Security

Ever since I had started work, I seem to be forever plagued by this insecurity as well. I am always looking and wishing that my pay had been higher. That I could have saved more, saving for my house and etc. I had a chance back a month ago but for the sake of career advancement, I forgo the pay increase.  I ran monthly budgets and allocate my income very tightly. With the recent CFA and the goal to 15K (due to me worrying about retirement), I had cut my budget even tighter than ever. Technically, my budget should be sub $800. However, I am consistently breaking the 900 mark. So I was pretty uptight about eating good places and more expensive place. I remember I had set aside my income to accommodate eating at better places, but with insurance policies and CFA, it’s eating into my allotment.  In this aspect, I guess I have to just persist with the current allocation and look forward to the pay increment the following year or once my payment to the CFA has ended.

4)Time
Another factor is time. I think I got past the phrases"Time is never enough" or "24 hours is not enough for me". Then, how do we explain people who have created so much things in their life time? Look at the amount of innovations and Patents that Edison have to his name. No no, time is what we make of it. We all have an abundance of time, it's only what's the amount of time that we are allocated with. I have to learn how to make full use of whatever time I have. Earlier, I came home, I went immediately to Kick-Boxing. Its only 15 mins but I took my first step back to being fitter. Though, I later got distracted by a discovery channel show on machines. Not saying that the documentary was not good or educational but I could have been doing other things with that time which is about 20 minutes. It has been some time since I last did a full stretch mugging for my CFA. Its time to make full use of time again.

5)Interpersonal Relationship
I think this one is a constant for most people. With respect to Ben and Wei Ren whom I had not met a long long time, even the rest of the guys, it's like I have disappear from their lives. I think I am still closer to GK they all, but even they I have not met Benny and Kenneth since ICT le. Besides cutting down to only meeting one group of friends in a month, or rather, trying to because of budget and to spend more time to study(supposedly). The only relationship that I am unwilling to cut time off is Cat. The rest is truly like a sacrifice, both in terms of financially and for study purposes. Ironically, before starting like  adulthood, like working life, I told myself that I want to be different from Samantha and still spend time with friends. Now, I am beginning to realise that there are other stuffs that seemingly have to take precedence over others. Money is not easy to come by and that my freedom and my future is important. Career is another thing that is important, being of relevance to the world has also come to the fore. I used to moan the fact that Samantha don't have much time for me and all, but seriously, when one is building up their life empire, somethings just have to be sacrificed. Of course, not saying that I should totally cut the friendship but as much as I love to interact with close friends, the opportunity to do so gets lesser. 

There is no turning back for me now...

These past few days, I was preoccupied with whether or not I should take up the offer for Front Office, in the role for MA. So the role is like a RM's PA, where you have to help the RM with clients account opening as well as the other admin work like placing of orders and etc. Had an interview with one of the two RMs that I will have to service, and she gave me a clearer picture of the MA role. It is pretty ironic. I had always wanted to escape back office thru the front office, but when I had  finally have a chance to do so, I hesitated and considered the implications of it. I think I more or less internally came to a conclusion but often wondered if it is the right way to go by it. Maybe I downplayed an MA prospects but I guess, if I have no intention of being an RM, it is not a good idea to go to a MA role and banking on the hope that I will be able to head on towards the Investment Counsellors and Investment Services direction. Its like Tracey the RM who interviewed me, she would not have known another MA if its like another part of the office. So, unless I am lucky or try to mingle around and expand my networking , then I will have a shot at it. I mean the pay is good and she can match whatever I am asking as well as the bonus easily. However, it is always the uncertainty that the skills set is not good enough nor is it niche enough to be elsewhere, should one day I quit the MA role. Of course, my personal pride and belief that I can do well and thrive in that role also was tempting me. It felt like pretty much my secondary school days where I forgo Biology for Principles of Accounts. Though in the end, I also did not do well enough for PoA during O levels. Who knows, I might have over thought on that but I was sure that I would like Biology, so least i went by the route that I wanted.

Another time was when I was considering SIM-UOL or engineering degree from NTU. Eventually, my interest won me over. I guess any one can study anything as long as they put their mind to it. But, without the interest, it would be a whole lot of unhappiness and dread. Learning should be something that one enjoys.

The other path that was opened to me since I was thinking of rejecting the MA role, was to restart my CFA. Apparently, a career personality test which I took online recommended me for the Financial Analyst role. And it kind of struck me that after 3 years since I started, somehow life went a whole round and tell me that's the direction I should be heading to. And unlike last time, there is no turning back for me. There will not be any FO position for me once I rejected this role, and my time in operations is a dead end, there is no turning back. I have to passed the level 1 and start looking for opportunities in that direction le. I do not have a back up plan, there is no such thing as reversing back to settlements since I detested it. If I fail in this attempt, I will most probably be stuck in operations or I have to re-take again. But I do not think there will be any opportunities in FO anymore as I would have spent too long in operations already. There is just no turning back.

I just sent the reject message to the RM, so now there is no turning back le. There is only 1 way to go and that's to pass my CFA Level 1 and to look for a more analytical jobs that is in other banks. I have no idea what sort of teams are found in other banks, but I just have to force my way in that direction, This will be the battle in my career from now on, to force my way in that direction. There is no turning back. Swim or drown, This will be one of my many legacies I will leave in this world when I leave this planet. Like the swordsman, who live and die by his sword. I am answerable to the choice that I chose.

Mind Blast

Sitting on the bus today, as the sky rolls by and then the habitual action of picking up the phone to play Pokémon Go starts again. It actually got me thinking. Is there a need to spin those poke stops? Is there a need to rush to catch these Pokémon? What is the objective of this game? A higher CP? A rarer Pokémon? And due to the consistent reading of self-help books on dreams and all, the common phrase stands out.

“Is this worth your time at all? Isn’t there any other things you could be better off doing?”

Staring out of the window, and appreciating the fact that nature is beautiful no matter where we are. The skies will be the same out for at least a couple of miles; the stars have always been there. Being grateful for the fact that nature is still beautiful and all around us.
Thought of Joseph Schooling, the story and his triumph. And the quote “Be Like Schooling” came to mind. The desire to win, to succeed and the chance to duel with his childhood idol. His dreams. My dreams. What am I doing for my dreams? What are my dreams?

“I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was”

Due to the habitual catching of Pokémon, the above quote popped out in my head. There were some smaller goals that popped in my mind recently. It’s like reduce weight until 74kg. Be a more successful investor. Change of job. At the end of the day, I feel that I keep going back to these thoughts. Have I psycho myself so much that I keep thinking of these only? Or is these what I really want for my dreams? Another way of thought is that these are the steps that I need to take to achieve these dreams.

“I have no idea what I was supposed to do during my 20s. I only got a clearer picture after 30 and after setting up Alibaba”~~ Jack Ma

Happened to watch a short part of a Jack Ma’s interview, and this phrase which he said, stood out for me. I guess most people do not have a very clear idea what they should do, or what are their dreams ah. Don’t get me wrong, I have known friends and other humans who have known what they want. However, for people like me, I would guess I do not really have a clue. My goals just kind of change every time. At 21, I wanted to graduate with 1st class honors. I got a 2nd Upper instead at 25 years old. At 25, I very much want to enter to a Bank. Went thru 15 interviews and landed up in BNP WM Back office. After that, I don’t really have much else to fight for already. Drawing a basic salary of 2.6k take home and all, going for an annual trip overseas, saving for wedding and house in life.  I pretty much thought I will be a much improved investor but I think still quite far away.

“What you think is what you get”

So, after reading tons of positive thinking books like SECRET and all, this phrase kept popping in my mind. So it goes that what ones think during the day, it shall be brought to life from the Universe. If you keep thinking negatively, your life in the future will be negative too. It’s all about how one’s maintain the positive-ness and yet do something to make it happen. 

“Just Do It”

Which brings me to this famous quote under NIKE? Just do it, don’t think. I guess I have been pretty much plagued by this for most of my life on this planet. As I will ask about the end goal, and always contests whether is it worth it or not.  Think a lot, but never actually do it. I guess Army kind of took that worrying part of me away, cuz I don’t really have a say anyways. It’s just do it, and that’s why I can achieve an IPPT-Silver in my life. That’s when I lost the most weight. In a way, I managed to get over Samantha pretty much by then. If I take it a step further, most of my significant achievements are those that I just dug deep and pretty much keep working at it. Don’t have the time to worry whether it’s the right thing to do or not? Don’t have to think whether this is worth my time or not? Just do it.

After 48 hours

After the argument I had with a senior HK MA on monday, for some reason, I had not been a peace with myself. Initially, I had thought that it most probably the ego that was bruised or smthg. Otw back, decided to stop at the industrial park and walk back. Manage to catch a pidgey thats all, thought I will be able to sort my thoughts through after the 15 min walk. However, my mind was not clouded with the incident, but rather more disturbed. I wanted to think about it, but it seems that my mind is blank and stagnant. Eventually, fought a nearby Gym and help establish it a bit before heading home. Went home and had dinner, then found out that my gym had been over threw by another gym which has pretty high CP pokemons. I felt an initial disgust and anger towards the incident.Still wondering whether my ego is still bruised. At night,decided to play MH with Ernest, GK and his sister. Still felt not at peace.

This morning thought of doing a pokewalk from my house to serangoon. Thought that the walk might clear my head. Well it did divert my attention from the niggling sense of negativity thoughts. However, it has not exactly brought the peace that I am after. Was it that because I am tired ?  As i slept at 2am the previous night and than I am out at 7.40am in the morning ?

After 48 hours , the conclusion? I think I need to sleep. k.thks.nitez

Difference between an educated and a learned person

Yesterday night, had drinks with the whisky club and Neo Kai Xian. KX was an ex-regular attached to platoon 6 back during my active days. My previous recollection of him was pretty slack and seemingly to be a hockian beng aka uncouth Sargent. And in a way, I felt he was not like the officers whom are more educated, just like an uneducated person. Gangsta is how I viewed him in the past.

Now he is a first sergeant of my reservist company and is currently my acting CSM since the original one was away on course. As a result, this ICT was pretty slack and all, and we all book out pretty early compared to other companies.

At Mikkeller with him yesterday, he reminded me of Wei Xiang. Seemingly, loud and gangsta kind, the way both seat and talks, exudes confidence in themselves or rather their belief about themselves. For some reason, the conversation went from his holidays in South America to about the systems that we had in Singapore. ie CPF, HDB and COE issues. Hearing him debate with Samuel about it, was pretty interesting and in a way, kind of open my mind about people and all. He was able to argued with Samuel, not with pure aggression and " in your face" manner,but with facts and numbers that were off his head as he had spoke with various people around the world. His structuring and thought construction was quite good as well. Definitely not what I had expected from an Hockian Beng, He was also able to brought out the purchasing power parity to effectively compare living costs between countries. Wonders did he do any university degree during his NS days or not.

From him, travelling really does open one's minds to the other problems of other citizens, their cultures, their way of life. Whether one day, I will have the courage and money to travel to such places and really interact with the locals, I am not sure. As I guess I am more of a budget/safe traveler currently.  Truth be told, I do not have a strong desire to travel to exotic places and put myself in dodgy situations. I prefer to have my own space and travel as and when and where I like.

To end it off, education can only bring one so far, travelling and actually experiencing life is what makes a learned person.

28 on 28 July 2016

Its the end of my 5th ICT, well not officially that is as we still have the cohesion tomorrow, Away from work or reality is really good. I met up with Samantha yesterday as well. It was always good to have a chat with Sam. Looking at  her Pregnant and all, her face gotten rounder. I keep thinking back about the time where she was at my place and we took that photo without specs. 10 years on, and we both were sitting St Marc's drinking Matcha tea. Me slouching in my chair and she trying to adjust her huge tummy. I wanted to take a selfie showing the situation. But somehow, pictures of us were somehow always few and little. So that didn't really work out...haha. Somehow, yesterday session, seems to be a lot of loud laughter and bit of nostalgia ( which is always the case) and... I am not sure how to put it in words. Looking at her and myself, I felt a strong surge of love , not that of Cat and me, but more of family. I think I had a post that talks about it, a few years ago. Family, familiar and warm. Like what Victor Frankl had said before, love is a great and purifying effect on person. Warmth, yes I think the word to use here should be Warmth. I felt kinda happy to know that she is well and looking forward to her kid, her new look on life I would say. Like what Pat said, Jovial.

It kinda soften the negative side of me which was allowed to spread pretty quickly in recent times. It always seems to be the elephant of the room, this negativity. I would usually termed it as reality. Its not like sam doesn't have them, she also worries a lot but she will act upon it. I just worry and worry. That's the difference. So I guess the warmth and family feeling that I felt kinda chase the dark clouds away from my mind. A lot of the clouds were probably seeded by myself, I was worried about not having enough money to take care of cat and build my own family. I want to kind of fulfill cat's dream of having a farm. Having read so many psychological and mental well being books, it is really all about the thoughts that you allow to creep into your mind that is causing the whole damage. Thinking back , even for things that happened before, it is also largely caused by my own negative thoughts. And it will have a subsequent ripple effects on the rest. Using snooker as an analogy, once the white ball hits the top of the pyramid, the force is transferred to the rest.

The next thought to have: I will be able to find a new job.

I don't really know when it will be, but I will have to keep trying. Time to return back to my old times of sending 100 resumes out and keeping an open mind of things. At the same time, continue my Coursera courses and just be positive at work. During those breaktimes, read up more on personal finance, articles and kindle books. Most importantly is to smile and be positive at work , I guess. To have faith, belief that everything will turn out right.

At the end of the day, I believe the most important thing is to believe. Believe that the world has great plans for each and every one of us. Believe that my plans will come to fruition. Believe that I am making progress. Believe that I can grow. Believe that I will able to see greater things further than the horizon. Believe.

These few days, while on the way to camp, I was constantly treated by beautiful clouds formation and sun rises. The place has never changed and the weather is still pretty much the same. Unlike in the past where I will lament on how could I ever missed them, I felt that I should be in the moment and soak in the beauty of nature. When I chose that thought, I felt free. Free from the chains of the negativity that has made me a prisoner of my thoughts. The world is truly a beautiful place. Even here in Singapore. When one is a prisoner of negative thoughts, no matter when he is, he will never be freed and will never be immersed in the beauty of the now.

So believe and smile, Eugene, Things will be better and nothing can stop you from achieving whatever you want to.

28 on 28 April 2016

Its my 28th year on this planet earth and here I am, sitting on a bar in Chye Seng Huat Hardware Coffee Shop. Waiting for my artisanal coffee being prepared by the barista at a corner. 28 years already.

It seems that I have lived a long time and that in my current state of some of my friends, they are already Dads and head of the family. Its like at 28 , we are expected to be matured and handle a lot of adult responsibilities. In actual fact, most of us , especially degree holders, we have only just entered the workforce a little more then 3 years ago. Seriously, I used to think that 30 years old is a pretty big number, its a number that one should be already married and that in a few years time, you are expected to be preparing to have a kid. And that Cat, recently, wanted to pursue Masters and a possibility that she might extend her stay in Ernst & Young, kind of alarm me. Marriage, wedding and stuff is at times to me, a bit of an obligation to my Grandparents. My Grandparents whom have been hoping to see their grandson start a family. To them, its like their wishes have been fulfilled. My Ah Gong, whom passed away earlier, did not get the chance to see Charmaine and Derek got married, to see his great-grandson. I know that Popo would want to see me get married too. And she is getting older too as well as my Gong-gong. 

However, I also know that I do not want to shortchange Cat's dreams as well. From a rational point of view, I am fully supportive of her dreams for a Masters. The young ones should not forsake their dreams for the older ones unless they are able to accommodate them. For her reason to possibly extend an additional year to get a better pay, I am not sure of that as her 1 year out of the workforce, will not be able to guarantee a similar pay scheme in the future. Of course, it will be higher then if she quit as plan. Additionally, I am also worried about the timeline for Cat to have kids. The golden period is from 30 to 40, and the nearer to 40, the more dangerous it is. In this aspect, I have to be the one to plan and accommodate these events that may/may not happen. Its a bit exciting and scary if you ask me. Don't get me started on housing as well. If we BTO as plan, then its another 5 years of waiting(Cat will be approximate 34). And logically, it will be more conducive to have kids if the place is ours, rather than a rented unit. So, if cat decides to extend an additional year, I might want to look at resale flats. Actually we should have look at it regardless of that decision. 

So, as you see, being 28 brings their own fair share of adult responsibilities. Having said that, for guys, its alright, I am just worried about Cat's health and also my grandparents wishes. Its a bit daunting and that being 28, its a bit unlike the ideal ' its my life, my own decisions' thought. Of course, its up to individual on how they want to live their life. Most importantly, its to live life happily and ensure that your partner is also happy. If cat decides to stay an additional year because of the exposure and the higher pay, and that she will regret in the future, I rather she just extend. That's my bottom line I guess. Like I said, the young ones should not sacrifice their dreams for the older ones. 

That's the responsibility portion of 28.

Now, every time I thought back, of the time where I just started working in BNP at age 25. Its only 3 years. Assuming that I will retire at age 64, I still have another 39 years of work in me. Of course, that's never my intention to retire so late. Hopefully, by 50, I am already a feet in retirement le. So, when you think about it, I am still quite young, I have many more years in me to play with. To achieve my goal of financial freedom. To be able to take on more risk. As much as I would love to be part of the hippie gang and travel round the world and all. Ultimately, the thing that riles me up is that I am able to create a portfolio, to be financially free, to be able to have passive income flowing in. If possible, the second stage I can be helping people and society. Its a bit like impact investing. That's something exciting to live for. 

My life has just started in that way. I think this is the ultimate direction I would want in life. I can scale back my travels for it, as much as i love travelling, I feel that this is more fulfilling. Its exciting just thinking about it. The road will be tough and as usual, my not so persistence self will set in and question my direction. All along I have not been able to find another direction yet, maybe this is not my ultimate goal in life, but its currently mine now. It has always been since I was 17 years old. 

Time to take back some control of my life. 28 and counting. Fight on Eugene, lets go to a better place. A place for you !!

To be free

Today, at work I happen to hit myself with another incident report again. And this time round, I can't really have any excuses for it. Eventually, I am also not really bothered by it either. Unlike the first time at equities or even at fund execution where I really panicked and emo about it. This time round I am more nonchalant about it. Rather, I just move on to the next thing that I had to do and all. Eventually, Kok Whee helped me to write it out, and I am once again lucky that my seniors always help me to type out incident reports and all.

However, it has dawn to me again that this is not where I should be. I think I have been pondering over such questions since I started to work in this bank. I kept asking such questions every so now and then. It feels like I do not below there, at the end of the day, I get a decent pay and very decent working hours. But somehow, this place does not seems right for me.

Everyday, I always ask myself, what's my goal?, whats my passion ? where to go ? what to do? It kind of dawn to me that , maybe just maybe, I should just put in the effort in the direction that somehow I had already set upon.

I will just have to proceed and continue my studies on fundamental analysis. I want to lose weight.I want to be financially free. Financially Free...Free

Old Friend

Hello my old friend.

It has been ages since I last wrote here. I started this blog as it was the in thing back in 2005. Little did I know it will aid me greatly in my mental health as a diary through out the years. As time passes, the objective for this blog was ever changing. It soon became a way for me to reach out to Samantha back in 2007 after I was rejected by her. Again as time passes, it became my treasure trove or pensieve for all my thoughts. Subsequently, the posts got lesser. As I grew older, the notion of blogging seems to be dwindling. Pig and Cat seems to have also stop blogging. These days, I don't think anyone comes by you anymore, even Samantha has stop blogging for awhile. I tried to switch back to another app called Journey, as it is more private.

However, I think you and me have some unfinished business, my friend. Do you want to know why I named you 'Imladris' ? Imladris is the sole haven for the wise and immortal elves living in Middle Earth. Its a haven for all living beings and mortals away from the weariness of the world. It is a place to rest,recharge and to seek counsel. And, my friend, you have been the Imladris of my life, I have rest, cry , smile and manage to find counsel in you. Your archives allowed me to time travel and reach back to the old me, me when I was young, more in tune with my intuition, at the same time, to see the youthful foolishness in my young self. I am already 27 going to 28, my old friend. it has been a decade since we came together. It feels long isn't ? Yet I feel young again, writing to you seems to have reverse time and that I have a good deal left in my finite lifetime.

There is another adventure awaiting us over the horizon, would you come with me on this journey, old friend ?

"“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” 
―Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings