Not the results I wanted...

Not the results I wanted...

1St Test~~~~~~stunned,shocked,why no A??,now what?,OMG...

So after studying for 2 years in CJC, going through all the tuitions and all..final results...CCB and C6...damn...sucky results lor...can go to Uni. but limited choices only leh...went back to CJC last friday. Bro. Paul was saying that he was happy becoz it was the best result he has received in the past 5 to 10 years and the number of distinctions have gone up as well as 15 subjects all achieved above national average for passes. All this atmosphere made me felt that maybe I really got a chance to get good grades after all...after like 30 minutes of all this kind of reports, we were finally able to get our results. One by one, my classmates went to collect their results...one broke down, another on the verge of breaking down...soon it was my turn, I looked into my teachers' eyes( no reaction)...saw the results..cannot believe it...serious sia...but somehow or rather, never react as strongly as I would if 2 years back...maybe numb to getting exam results liao or maybe after 2 months in army, mentality changed...so next reaction was like...." Ms Soong, wad course can I take in Uni.?? Biz still can make it a not??" At 1st was like cannot really accept my results but after seeing the rest also, I feel maybe I should be thankful lor...some of my frenz got CEE, EEO, BDC, DDD....such funny results lor. Nonetheless, Sam. also got the same results lor...lol...so ciao...muz be she influenced me thats why I also got the same score as her......haha

2nd Test~~~~~~I lost, Why?, Did I do smthg wrong?,world is crumbling down

The day was 26th feb., it was the day when we rec. got our grenade throw. I still rmbr goggles asking us " who juz recently broken up?"...if she had called a bit earlier, I think I might have threw the safety pin instead...haha...we chat for an hour. The results are out. I lost. As simple as that. Come to think of it, one of the reason I held out for so long was that i still held on to the memories shared before D-day last year, I thot that since after D-day, I can still treat her as a close fren and she could also do the same. Apparently, she cannot. Though I still treat her as a fren...ok...++ extra more care and concern, she cannot be herself and feels restricted when she is with me...maybe if she had juz relax and let things work out, things might not end so much painful or may even end up differently. Maybe its also my fault of letting her know how much pain I was going through which gave her so much stress. Of course, there are also a lot of other things..but I dont want to go through them again, if not I may think too much again. 2 days later, she msg me that she read my blog and was sorry for everything and that she will wait till I am ready to be able to be comfortable with her again. I read the msg the 1st time, I cried...I dunno whether its for myself, for her or for the entire problem...2nd time, still cried...3rd time...I juz stared but later teared...4th time, I am able to read the entire msg w/o feeling much emotions. Thats when I decided that I am able to face her again, though I definitely need to talk to her. Anw, I also dun want her to wait too long coz I know how painful waiting for someone is, except that her suffering wont be as jia lat as mine lah..but still I dont think I should take too long to answer her coz I do not want to lose this friendship of mine and I cherished this friendship a lot though others beg to differ. So I think here ends a chapter of my life and a start of another...no maybe not so soon...this chapter had made me feel really tired and exhausted and pain...maybe after some time bah...give me time to see what the future holds for me and what I want in life...

Conclusion~~~~

So overall, didnt really fare well for much sia...but somehow after army,after last year, seems to be able to let go certain things though some bad habits still remains like sometimes get so stress over smthg that seems important and stuff like that. Anw, to Sam. , I can assure u now that I can face u the same before I confessed to ya but to be able to meet up with paul and chat with u two ....will quite be different ya so for that u got to give me more time. But other than that, I am allright=D

Shucks...I am beginning to love being a civilian more and more, dun feel like booking in on wednesday...lol..sorry no link...juz suddenly feel this way=P