( there is actually some reference to the previous entry)
Ben Song said this..." There are some questions that U cannot answer, thats y u cannot move"..I havent found those questions yet, maybe i had thot of it...but i thot i had the answers...heh...actually I dont. The conversation that I had with him, had been bugging me for a few days. Had to juz let out everything on jordan...eventually I still cannot find any answers to my doubts...untill that call
While I was with jordan, apparently muddy was trying to contact me but my phone was in silent mode...didnt knw that she called me...So when I was abt to go back to sleep, I saw her missed calls and msg...quite surprised that she called, wonder whats up...called back...she was crying...1st time heard her cry...told me about her dream and that scared that she was thinking of both yan and her sec. love...felt that she shouldnt be like that..scared, worried, confused..all the emotions from the past juz kept flowing back...dunno why but my voice soften and juz try to explain things to her...like how u tell a kid on why certain things happen to them...got this type of feeling that...erm how to put it..."dun worry, I have been there b4"..."its juz a dream, dun take it too seriously"..."everything will be alright de"...smthg like that lor. Talked for an hour plus, share with her my thoughts and a particular dream but nvr said the main character though...In the end , help her sort out her thoughts and she is alright lor=)
Tht day, called her...talk to her about yan, suddenly realised that she liked him a lot...like when juz say his name, she will perked up. Sort of heart-wrenching for me, could I have really fallen for her?...that question kept flowing thru my mind...my 1st reaction was to totally avoid her...maybe its that I am afraid that history will repeat again, or maybe i haven totally let go yet...I just want to avoid getting hurt again, thats all I want. But we all knw thats like freaking impossible if u like some1. Hmm...after thinking about it, I think I need to give myself more time ...to find back myself...to be independent and be stronger before I am ready for another jump. There are times when I am afraid that I will lose my chance with her...(do i really like her or i juz think i like her)...thats why i need this cool down period bewteen us...to see whether I really like her, for now we are juz frenz and if really really smthg blossom between us...we shall see...With so many questions, how could I ever be ready? so ya....time to CHILL and sort out myself
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