L4D2,25th Floor and Expectations

Yesterday, went out with zhenni for L4D2 and all. I would say that I was right in following my gut feeling and go and meet up with her. In the end, all the fears and worries that I have were unfounded and that I was right in certain things and yet I was mostly wrong in others as well. We didn't discuss on what had actually happened between us.Apparently, it seems that we were back to square one. To the day, where we first went out and the first time when we actually sat down and talk. Not that I am complaining. Initially I had thought that the problem she was facing was about us...but haha...I am not that significant to begin with bah.

She told me that she like a new guy and that she had sort of given up on the other guy which had been on her mind for a rather long time le( yes, i did feel a bit of jealousy, but its was very minimum..more of a like..haiz looks like another one kind lor) And the complications that arises because of it. We walked around her estate and talked about the problem. And like in the past, I was solving her issue...rather objectively if u ask me...haha...we managed to sort of solve it and to some extent contain it...

Realised that she is really very much like myself...a mirror image of what I am, like seriously...haha She also felt that I had changed to be more positive and at the same time more on a similar frequency as her, unlike in the past(according to her). I dun know about that, but I do know that I am trying my best to know her all over again...I used to always aim to be the ideal boyfriend candidate in front of her to the extent that I lost myself, my own true self.

If u guys ask me whether I still have feelings for her, I am also not so sure...lolz...I don't have those like want to 'physical contact' anymore, but to think logically, she is by far the ideal girlfriend that I would like to have..someone who is able to be on the same wavelength with me, and at times be playful...and somehow I still find her attractive still...dunno...( and sam, its not the legs=P)...

Will I go after her again? Dunno...since she likes someone else le...but we both parted with an open mind..." For all we know, we might be together eventually. Maybe we might even get married. On the other hand, we might not as well" She replied :" Yea, we might never know"

My gut feeling was that I don't want this relationship to sour...because I think we still have something special between us...maybe its the same feeling that I have with Sam in the past, the feeling that I don't want it to end just like this...but on the other hand, it might be that she is the one...lolz...god knows sia...haha

I am not hoping for anything from this anymore...actually  I don't really hope for r/s or anything like this le...its more like, if it happens then its good lor...I think its really no more use of me trying to force anything out of these things anymore. I use to think that I have to be persistent...well ya its kinda true, but if its a forced kind...then..well it aint natural anymore and like what happen to me, was that I lost myself and ended up trying to keep up with the image I had conjured up in front of her.

Then, what lies for the both of us? Currently, I don't think that both of us are not in the situation where there is a high chance for us to bring this r/s to anthr level. Deep down, inside of me I am also got a bit of don't want her to get along with the other guy...Maybe I am someone in her life that will always be there to solve her problems*shrugs* god knows. oh which brings me to this another point, is that I am always like one step ahead of her, thats why I seem to always understand what she is going thru, 2 years ago was like this and 2 years on its still the same...lol..but in any case, I now knew that we are not that far as I had previously envisioned after all.

Overall mood? Happy and relieved to a certain extent=)