Out of Control

Recently, I had been acting rather irrational if u ask me. I don't know why I reacted in a certain way anymore, there is no more logical basis for my actions. And i think thats rather scary. I am one who believes in control over oneself, but recently, I had been run on emotional auto-pilot.

The thoughts, feelings, actions were totally wrong and irrational....and at times impulsive. I think that I shouldn't have reacted in such a way to lei...thing is we were not also that close...like mentally or smthg...so yes it was weird, its like those times of physical attraction...I think to me bah...we had a lot of physical contact..but...well...I still don't really know much about her...

In any case. I sort of press the restart button regarding all such issues...I am going back to square one...I think I am afraid of myself of doing the wrong things...think its for the best.


Seems that in some ways, both bestie and me are having troubles keeping our emotions in check. In the past, I think its alright to just let it all out...because why should we go against our true feelings? However now, how many of our 'true feelings' allows us to make the right calls? What are the consequences?

I still very much believe in trusting our gut feelings, but I think instinct and emotions are 2 different entities. Instinct is something still very much based on a bit of rationality, however, emotions is a "Heck lah, just go ahead with it" thing.

So should we be devoid of emotions? I think its rather impossible for that to happen. Because in some small way or another, there is always a speck of emotion in every move that we make. And on a more extreme mode, if we are devoid of emotions, we ain't much different from a robot( can think and make rational decisions only).

Conclusion? I think we should learn how to better manage it. I decided to "re-format" myself, to start over again before I start causing damage around people and to try to check myself more often. For her?  I am not in her position so the extent of emotions, I am not sure, but I hope that she won't let the past control her future, that sometimes in life, maybe there shouldn't be any ending to a chapter. It may not be a bad thing to just leave it as it is...

Accept and Manage. Don't Accept and Wallow.