Well I think after 5 years, I think I finally gotten the courage to say what I had been hiding for all these while. Maybe its really the dwindling of feelings or it might be the fact that I am getting older and in a way, getting fed up about being silent and just carry on being the nice guy while still hoping for things to happen.
But, I guess I am more of wanting to be accountable to that portion of myself, the side where I am still like Zhenni. The portion where will always make me to some irrational agreements as well as the fact that I am always helping her out and all. I just want her to know that all these happens its not because I am an ultra good friend or something. There is always another reason why I am doing all these, so I just want her to know that. Thats all. Anws, I told her I think I already used up my 3 tries already, she is the only person that have to confess in a way 3 times in my life. So, from today onwards, I will see her in another light, I don't really need to put up any image or sorts anymore.
And with that, I finally laid to rest, this ever long lasting half ass liking someone. Or rather its finally the closure of something that I have never solved for the past 5 years. I have always brushed it aside due to lack of courage, timings or self denial. Its a very long standing issue, hopefully, my soul will be more appeased.
No doubt, I think this will have some impact on the friendship, but I believe this is the right thing to do. This is the only girl that after so long, I still haven't really close it, maybe because I still hope for something. However, this year has shown me enough instances otherwise and I think after Adeline, I am sick and tired of giving and giving and not being recognised nor having some reciprocation. I know that people like to say, giving is a form of loving. However, I think both me and Samantha realise that its not really the case. Its extremely tiring for one to keep giving and yet still being subjected to hurt and insensitivities
Its pretty ironic or rather coincidental that both Samantha and me, had a kinda a new start in a friendship in both of our lives. We both did something that I guess we should have done many years ago, and not leave it till now, where we decided thats enough is enough. So, its nice to have Samantha around me and on the phone. Nice to have someone to share a moment like this with. And such moments, are never premeditated before hand.
We have somewhat similar problems that happened at the same time. However, I think hers is more serious. But, I think that's the way for her to take. Well then, here's to both our new chapter in life.
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