How interesting things have turned out in a lot of ways. I realise that to let go of some aspects of control in my life, and I am rewarded with so many different and awesome moments in my life. Thats how I got this job at BNP, when after 15 interviews I got it, even the conversion was a surprise as I had not really hope for it. I meet new kinds of people, like wx and luck at work...and the crazy ah lian gang at work as well. The nice girl-next-door, Xue Juan and the exposure to working life in a bank and the consequences of a small negligence would lead to a potential 3.5 Million HKD loss by a client. I ended up running more than what I had intended to.
I would never expect myself to tell Zhenni the whole truth, as its something that I had originally wanted to keep it till the end of my days, for I had thought that it will be too much for her. However, in the end, I said it out not in the hope for anything, but for the fact of acceptance and the closure to my past self. I realise that closure is very important in quite a lot of things. In actual fact, I feel lucky that I am able to have my closures in life, I am sure many others , even at the end of their days, there is still some lingering regrets and open issues. I become more and more comfortable being alone, at home on myself. I thought of a plan that I had to follow, for the next 2 years or so. I am feeling much more at peace with myself.
Initially, when I bought the USS annual pass, I only thought will be with Lao Er. Who knows that I managed to drag Tracy along and as well as that Cat would also buy it. Speaking of Cat, I cannot stress enough how much fun it is to be around her...well oks maybe its cuz I am like super hyper around her. Well, I guess for some people in this world, I can be like that...I am usually the reserved kind with most of my friends, though this year, I seem to be breaking out more often. Cat is someone who is pretty focus on what she wants I guess, though I feel that she has a lot of complexes in her. So, everytime, out with her, just want her to let go of some inhibitions and enjoy the moments. A lot of people missed out on the moments for numerous reasons, but what makes memories are exactly these moments. And maybe thats why I love travelling, I love being in the moment of an unknown place, knowing that I can take numerous photos of the area, feel the different climate, the culture and the food. Of course, I also learnt some things from her, like her zest and focus...always need some people like that in my life, to spur me on towards greater heights. I used to always see her as a xiao mei mei in the past, like a younger sister that I want to take care and guide along the way, sometimes I forgot that she is the eldest..haha. But, this year feels that she had grown quite a bit and I see her as more of an equal these days ..haha..just someone to have fun with and someone that I want to let her know that life is really not that bad, so smile and laugh and be a bit crazy. Its not where you are that determines your life, Its how you feel that determines your life. She always says that she is dull and boring and live pretty much a dead life. However, I don't see her in that sense, she has her own kind of humour, her charms which I felt that she should be more confident of, and a seriousness that has my respect as well.
This year, I had sat BattleStar Galatica which is a roller-coaster ride, my sister knows me that I don't seat such rides in my life. The previous time are when she dared me, I mean when Tracy dragged me to sit, though I was a little apprehensive but I still just went along and took the rides. And, its pretty exhilarating, its like I let go of being in control, I let the need of control to be up to the system, to God or fate or whatsoever. I still do want control and the ability of freedom to do anything with my time. But there are a lot of things that there is no point trying to control, maybe what we really need to control is not the events but our emotions/reactions to the events instead. And I guess thats somewhat Christianity is pretty good at, to lay man sins on Jesus, is to let certain things go.
There will always be things to be thankful in our everyday life, when we learn to be more thankful, I guess life will flow easier.
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