Numb in the heart...((guardian angel))
On that island, ever since I told the guys what had happened...my new nickname had been changed to guardian angel or to put it crudely a watchdog...lol...coz of sam. i can see from their point of view and to a certain extent, they might be true...but as I have say it before, wadever decsions I had made regarding sam. I never regretted any of it...even if u give me another chance, I will still make the same choice...she brought me a lot of pain and yet also taught me a lot of things as well...all this pain cause me somehow to be quite numb liao...so wadever she do to me, I sort of dun feel anything liao....thts maybe why the guys thot i lost my pride or smthg...some how this year is supposed to be a new beginning, so maybe should I move on already...one thing I knw is that I wont be as close to her as I once was...coz i always draw a clear line between a best fren and someone that I like..can I get used to that...but if u ask me...I personally felt that I had already lost, so maybe I really should move on...she say not to avoid her, I can safely say I wont but I wont be like last time, always be there for her liao...I dun know...coz once u have someone else to care for ya, there is no space for me....it has always been that case, isnt...but if she got any problem, I will be there lor...sia lah...seems like I have already given up..I dun knw leh...I seem to lost the 'fire' to continue the journey...I feel tired and painful...juz now went out to buy for dinner, saw her with paul...I dun knw why but I dun feel anything liao...I was like "oh there they are..." , but of course still got some stirrings of the heart strings lah...but I not like last time when I really felt so much pain and depression, even though by now I should like...crying and juz shut myself from the world...basically like tht lor...msg her a few times, but no reply...dun know whether she is ok or that she is juz trying to be fair to paul...have I changed...I think so but I dun knw, that 'island' has definietly changed me in some way or another lor...should I move on???
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