OMG...how did this happen...

OMG...how did this happen...

Today was suppose to be a new beginning for most people, if u are following the lunar calender...but for me today seems like the repeat of last year, where once hope was upon me then later it was utterly crushed. Today, she juz dropped an A-bomb on me...reminded me of the sadist song that PC like to sing to us apart, I was stunned...no...i was ok at 1st but once reality sets in, my whole world seems to crumble around me...she told me she gave herself and paul a probation period...I was like at 1st ...erm...ok cause I did thot b4 that such a scenario will happen but no matter how much I prepare myself for such a case, I was still utterly crushed by the sheer bitterness and sadness of the whole affair. She was afraid that I will start to avoid her, though I can say that I promise her that I wont but...I when I say that sentence, I couldnt look at her in the eye and say that to her...I have already began to start avoiding her already subconciously...I still do not know why when with her, I still can joke about the whole thing and also still laugh whereas i should be hurting and downcast instead...maybe being on that 'island' have sort of toughen me up...but when I left her, OMG....the feeling was unbearable lor....I was walking along the singapore river, I set at the steps of the Quay, staring into the water...thinking about the past, the future, the recent, the crazy and my emotions....all this within the 45 minutes there...do u know how much pain it was ?......I thot after that I would be able to calm myself down and move on...but no...the feeling was still there and it stayed with me through out the day even now...I know that the final decision wasnt made yet, but it was really hurtful...super hard to endure...for all the pain i had endure earlier, this was one of the worst...but I am certain I can pulled through this lor....hopefully that is....I can tell u, she is the only person who is able to make me feel like in paradise after awhile pulled u all the way down to earth or even deeper than that....sometimes wonder why all these happen to me?...I see people pouring out their problems to me and they feel like breaking down...then wad about me...I hide my own emotions because I do not want her to worry about maybe partly because I do not want her to see my weaker side and all the crap lor...she tell me how the TW react, I wasnt surprise because if I were him, I may also reacted the same way as him lor...but no...1 thing I learnt in army and from her is not to be selfish and wad for should I react the same way as him....

Anw, the day I made my choice I already told myself that wadever happens in the near future, as long as I can endure, I will still wait for her till the day where I see no point at all or not...anw her happiness is the main thing lor...sound very noble rite? but that is wad I feel lor, I know most ppl will say that is stupid and all but well...thats me lor wadever I feel is always secondary lor...so well thats that...the countdown has already began, for both my POP and the probation period...we shall see how it all turns our lor

Wadever the choices made, will affect the future just like how the waves crash into the walls and reflect back...