I am getting sick and tired of all this shit....I did tried my best..I tink I might be going crazy lor...everywhere I go, I see signs then I tink wad I muz do when I am driving...I knw that I shld juz relaz and enjoy...but how can...cars kept moving past u....then today totally zoned out....cannot think of anything liao..totally blank...sometimes I juz wish I can dun bother abt all this....wish tht I never came on this course....aiyah dunno lah....someone can juz pull me out of this shit lor...told myself to not give up....c how it all goes lah...tink juz try to be more alert and try to improve lor...

21km finisher!!!! 我是不是很傻？？。。。因该是吧

Whoa....today finally completed my 21.1km AHM....wah...super far man!!!>_<.....wah wonder how am I going for the 42.129 km of standard chartered marathon sia at dec...wah..like tht sure take 1 week atten C de...lol...after I passed the finish line today is was like wah..RELEIVED sia!!!!....both my quads and abs kenna cramps....sadly I dun tink I met the timings so doubt can get my day off liao...oh well, there is always next year...but dunno whether got off days to motivate me a not...haha...tml dun need to drive liao...haha...must learn not to get so stress during driving...muz enjoy...but with so much to learn in such a short period...how to not be stress sia..lol...

Yesterday book in super early, at abt 7....but it was one of my most slack book in lor...lol...anw it was kinda gr8 to be back in camp but after heard of the stuffs that the rest of the guys said...hmm..well apparently a bit xiong liao lor...tht night we also had to lights out at 7.45 lor...but in the end no one exactly slept tht early lor..earliest I tink its at 8.30..it was ard 8 that she called me. Hah....I sort of expected what sort of question she is going to ask me liao....it always seems to be on relationships stuff lor...lol...do u think I am a pro. at such stuffs?? even though I am guy...oh well....anw wont really say much abt her problem here....si mi mi wor....lol...anw at 1st i thot that eventually it was the guy who had the upper hand, but after everything it might be 50-50 lor...she ask me why but...I never tell her why I say that he has the upper hand. One it becoz I felt that she needs to find out that herself...or maybe she will never lor...two its becoz if I tell her than maybe next time it will make it even more difficult for me bah...lol...for the 1st time she compared me with the other guy...saying that I seems to even remember even the smallest details abt her life, her ongoings and stuff. i dunno why...bt I ask her a very question.."你觉得我对你有好感?"....she was rather quiet for awhile..and at 1st she said she dunno. Then after pressing her, she said ya..she tink so...then I ask her why leh?? She list down certain things like cuz whenever I am free, i am always finding her...I rmbr the small details...I always ask her out for movies...so ya lor.....however I duno whether what I did next was the right thing..coz...I said that initially I got a bit of interested in her but..now I am also not so sure whether I really like her a not? and after going thru the last time...I am a bit afraid of liking another person again...somemore she is the type that is super diff. to jio de....in the end, I may end up hurting myself again and unlike last time...she is not Sam. So I told her that now I juz treat her as a good fren and blah blah lor....after this , she sounds confused lor...and lost...I ask her whether what I said affected her...and luckily she said it wasnt me but the other guy...and that our friendship wont be so easily affected de.

I think ppl will say that I am dumbed when come to this sort of things coz I am always like..how to say leh..a klutz....hah...so maybe I might have already kill off my chances with this...but I still tink that now is not the right time lor..cuz it has not been long since my last time and somehow feel that I am not ready for anything at this time....one thing I knw is that I not so desparado unlike in the past liao. What for sia....nowadays its how to jio ppl to go out sia...LOL...Anw like the saying goes...是你的就是你的..so there u go lor...right now I still feel that juz 对她有好感。。。but thats it lor...like I think there is still some chance out there between us..oh well see whether this time my intuition is right...haha...usually its wrong lor=P

She is back!!! OMG!!!!

On sunday, I had a rather huge shock cuz its like my uncle the ex. came back for a holiday in our dear old sunny island and she was at my ah ma hse. Then when 1st came in , she was like stunned and I was like erm...HI....lol..what else to say to someone whom u never seen for 10 years or so...apparently my uncle seems very stress lor..or rather serious lor..which he is rarely seen as. But she was as jovial as always in the past though=)...so I was like juz crapping ard as usual and suanning ppl cuz its like...hmm..well the atmosphere was quite like stiffening. Somehow, it sort of feel like between me and sam. becos my uncle and her talk like super long lost frenz and yet there is still some kind of special bond between them. Its not the way that they communicate in that I find similar but rather something else that juz makes me feel that we 4 are similar. Although I dunno what happened between them, but seems like my uncle never really let go of the past.....evident that he didnt seems to have a galfren in the past 6 years...or more...to me it juz seems so surreal though....weird to the max sia...

On sat. nite, I was so bored that I went straight to sleep lor....as damn sianz and a bit tired..lol...she msg me as she needed a talk...but I didnt knw and was fast asleep in dreamland. Next day, on msn say will call me to tell me the prob. in the end say dun need as dun have the urge to talk liao. In the end, I still call her lor...haha...go and say her tht she made me w8 for the whole day for her call which never came.

Found out that she was very stress with her taekwando training and apparently a few seniors have taken a liking to her...and some made their moves in a very funny manner....according to me lah...lol...haha not my style...got juz touch a bit on yan...and others stuff...like the stupid question of " Who are u going to save ? ur gf or ur mum?"....hah wu liao the question to me lor...so we basically chatted from 930 to 1110 lor...lol....tht long sia...found out that she is always the comparing type of gal...somehow I found it amusing that she never compare me with the other guys even though I thot my actions in the past were super obvious liao...lol...edgar was right after all...she is someone that u cannot juz like her, she muz like u de....if not no point continuing sia...Anw talking to her in a position of a good fren, to me is much simpler then in a position of someone who like her....maybe in the end, I wasnt really interested in her at all....to me....I am still in a trying to get to knw her better stage and anw being in NS is rather diff. to jio lor....so if anything truly came out of this stuff, seriously is quite a bonus....anw gaining another gd fren is nt a bad thing...ahaha...

I think I really changed liao....when come to such stuffs I dun tink as much as in the past liao...bi jiao qong song lor nowadays...to me these days, is usually wat to do during my free time lor....kinda bored nowadays. Not so stress like last year, where everytime I am always moody thinking of sam. .....nowadays its like juz relaz lor..chill......haha...there are still a lot of gems that haven been discovered yet=D

Kelua Baris!!!* left ,right, left* JEEP!!!! (not cheap!!)

Just started jeep course on monday..wah...theory is enough to kill you lor...so far have already completed 700 questions of highway codes liao...actually its juz 350 times 2 lor...lol...xiong sia...and thurs is the highway code test liao and muz pass lor..if not consequenses will be..hehe...jia lat sia..then thurs is also the 1st circuit driving training and tht will be the part where all the instructors show their true colours...wah hope mine dun suddenly become a monster....possible lor the most quiet ones are the most dangerous sia...lol...it has been some time since I last sat in a classroom enviroment and listen to lectures..haha

Hmm...realised it has been some time since I last blog....quite a few things happen..erm...like last friday, suppose to be my block leave in the end muz report back to camp for FFI over some small and minor stuff...bo link lor...then left my hse keys in camp and got to rush to ah ma hse and take my spare hse keys there and got to quickly changed into civi. clothes and rush all the way down to raffles place to meet Sam. cuz she needs to do her visa and I agreed to pei her lor...Show her ard shenton way tht area and inside chinatown square there and she was like super sua ku...lol...and she was prancing ard and saying' WAHH!!!....how s'pore got such a place de??!!!'...ahaha she can really be a small kid sometimes...haha...seriously...=).....kawaii lor...lol...anw brought her to the Hans at great eastern there, 1st time there as well and was like whoa...it was really big sia...lol with a lot of stuff.....eventually later follow her all the way to sembawang to wait for paul. Intended to juz sent her till the mrt station but then dun think should leave her to be alone so in the end pei her till 6.30....make me use up to 4 bucks within a day on mrt fees sia.....went to coffee bean as usual...haha said tht I always seems to end up in coffee bean * was referring to everytime with muddy, also at coffee bean de* then she somehow reminded me that we in the past also always hang out at coffee bean lor...then juz chat lor and somehow I tink she knew what I was abt to say...lol...thou she never say it lor...In the end, juz went off to meet the SBSP gang with smthg like tht" I dun think I wanna meet paul and follow u both towards town lor, sorry cause I dun like to be ard couples and all".....then I took back my jacket and went off....didnt look back unlike in the past, cuz...afraid that I will se bu de then....yeah...actually I tink partly I did this was like erm...like cuz I dun want to be a lightbulb and as well as yeah...its her...and maybe I didnt look back becuz in the past, I am always looking at her back whenever she goes home and all..now should be her turn...hah...but as for tht, I dunno....

After that went to meet up with SBSP gang and we went to far east to eat ramen ten and later went to padang there and watch fireworks..not bad lor..cuz never see heart shaped fireworks before....eye opener lor...met fatein's fren and thot she got the korean look and val and me were like where have we seen her b4 and james juz joined in the fun...lol....tht james ah...haha...it was really fun and we most prob. will meet up again soon!!! another 2 weeks time!!!

4E1 Outing (11th Aug. 2007)

It has been some time since I met up with the guys and although there were like 1/2 the class not there but it had been a great time to meet up and share with each other how were our lives and all. Like ting han and edgar and chian hwee lor...Up ah!!...though I was a bit dissappointed by the turn out and stuff...however like what johnny said, its allright least we meet up and all. So thanks to LEONARD!!! for organising, it has been great of ya to organise and though many didnt come at the end, thanks a lot lor=)....These are truly the kind of frenz that stay with u thru out ur life and hopefully we can still meet up regularly like the seragooners and of cuz bball khakis...

Was also chatting with edgar yest. nite and we were talking about army but lately I see no point in talking about NS liao..cuz maybe in it for so long then get used to it liao...did talk about her to edgar and lo and behold! his GF is actly a gd fren of her...lol...and he ask me whether i want some info. lol....I welcome it anytime=P...he told me some and said that this gal is super hard to chase lor...so kudos to me...lol....wah stress me for the whole night sia... slept at 2.45 sia...then woke up at 7 plus and stoned till 8. 30...kept thinking about a lot of things lor...wah kao... what the heck lah!!! think so much also sianz...sam always says that thinking a lot is smthg gd about me...but sometimes i feel it juz make me more emo...anws...see how lor...dun want to think liao...

Anw, to pig, do the right thing and juz do what u think is right and for the best of u 3 lor..=D

不能说的秘密

Wah!!! this movie is quite nice lor..especially the lead actress, she is like damn attractive lor...not like ur normal typical megan fox from transformers or smthg...but its juz like she looks very sweet and how to say ah.....got the charms??...lol...anw the show was not bad sia...though there were some questions not answered. Then it was my 1st time, actually going to watch a movie alone and so ya quite interesting...haha then in my row got another loner. We were only like a seat apart then it was kinda weird cuz like 2 loners watching some love story...lol...I was like wad on earth is she watching such a show alone sia...haha weird..then kinda realised tht when u watch alone u are able to see a lot of things and there is no one to bug u on the movie with some questions and all. Well, who says that loners are truly lonely..cause there are many other loners oso out there, so u are not alone..haha very interesting lor...anw wont be a spoiler so u should go watch the movie urself

whoa...a stressful situation lei...

Yesterday..of cuz as usual doing NDP...sianz to the max...lol...hah basically juz stoned there lor...for hours...boring sia...anw min msg me, so thot of juz meet up and have a drink...yes its alcohol...haha...but b4 that went to eat oyster omlette with junyi they all than went back to serangoon to buy drinks and meet her. Mum gave me an ultimatum that I must reach hm b4 12 if not kenna grounded, sianz leh...really dun like ppl to control my time de...oh well bt this is higher authority leh...lan lan lor...along the way met up with edgar..haha still botak cuz he is on course and he is super fit sia...even much better than me...OMG...how can this be happening..lol..muz train more and harder!!!!...hahahahaha...never see him for so long liao...shucks got a lot to catch up lor...NVM....tis sat got 4e1 outing..WOOHOO!!!!!!!...hehe...

Of cuz after awhile, * very nice of gar to accompany me to w8 lor*, than she finally came down...looked frantic lor...intro both of them then I zhao with her lor. Keep pulling my sleeves and was so stressed because of some guy suddenly like her and to her, he is only juz a fren lor...than...ya..blah blah...dun really want to elaborate much here...so juz bought 2 jack daniels....( in the end, i covered 1 1/2 lor(-_-))...haha and she can still say that I am able to break it down so..erm...wads the word..analytical and logical for her to see...lol...maybe I am guy and I also able to see from that person's point of view bah...anw hopefully i was able to help her as much as I could.

So to min, juz do wad u have to do and calm down before u do anything lor...in any case do wad u tink its rite ya?

In the end...its U=)

Thursday, 2 Aug. the day when I learnt certain truths...I emerged from the darkness that surrounds me...I wont go thru everything that happen that day again cuz I dun see a point in repeating the same things over again...but in the end, the question that had chained me for so long was answered...I was ashamed of myself for hating and resenting her...always thot that for being stuck in this period of darkness was only my suffering and not hers as well...dunno why after that short time with her, I realised a lot of things, like how to put it...a heightened sense of things...It is also the point of time when I also felt that I really loved her a lot...bt love can be channeled thru other ways besides being together...how ironic that the person who started all this f*** shit in my life, the person who caused me to undergo all the emotions and horrible times of my life...at the very end, she is the one who end it all for me...haha seriously how ironic...it wasnt any of my frenz nor is it zhenni...it was her...somehow I realised that she is always there, looking at my best interests...in a way of how I am always there in the past...somehow that gives me a wonderful feeling, a feeling that u always knw that someone is behind u always...

Thanks for everything=)...including the pains and sufferings u gave me...I am sorry for not being able to be a big part of your life as before, am sorry for making u worry about me all this time, sorry for hating u..and I knw u will surely say "stop saying sorry, there shouldnt be any between us".......however I will still say it cuz its juz me bah. I give u my word that I will try to get u back into my life as before and not make u worry liao, just give me some time ya?

U knw smthg? U are truly an incredible and special person =) To me u are not a best fren, so sorry to dissappoint u in that..............................................cuz to me.....u are a special and important person in my life=D...highest level liao leh!!!! of cuz my future gf can be considered a little bit higher=P...ROFL

Right Here Waiting For You...

Right Here Waiting For You...

Oceans Apart, day after day, and then slowly go and say
I hear your voice on the line, but it doesnt stop the pain,
If I see u next to never, how can we say forever...

Wherever u go, whatever u do, i will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.

I took for granted all the times which I felt will last some how, I hear the laughter ,
I tasted tears but I cant get near you now,
Oh cant u see it babe, u got me going crazy....

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.

I wonder how we can survive this moments, but in the end if I'm with u,
I take the chance,

Oh cant u see it babe, u got me going crazy.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.