Another week has passed...and another 7 weeks left to go lor...still dont seems to be any nearer to passing the course leh...but see how lor...lol...see what fate has in store for me...i realised that as one grows up, there seems to have more things to take note..to take into concerned to....its a totally different ball game altogether lor...and maybe its time for me to control my spending as well lor...somemore I can only come out like only over weekends....so yeah lor....growing up into the society out there isnt really like a bed of roses lor...Sometimes one have to be bitten then one could rmbr the lesson learnt...haiz but thats life isnt...
In that particular place there, sometimes one get punished for something that has no reason to do with you, but somehow or rather a reason can come out of nowhere...and now the standard or rather the level of expectations is going up lor...dunno how long I can endure...whether i can last...during such times like maybe on that island, I still have her..for me to endure the week, the hell....but now I dont have that privellage anymore....so..either I go look for a new motivation or I just had to endure on my own lor...I dunno how to put it lah...is it becoz of my persectives thats why I am unable to see it in a positive light??...hmm..can someone enlighten me sia?...lol...
Oh well....but clock is still ticking...and life still have to go on...hmm...feels like ichigo in bleach...haha...part hollow...but not a shinigame at all lor...lol...feels like taking up basic theory test soon and maybe learn more about investment lor...maybe that can at least filled up my hollow self bah..hah...still kinda admire kelly for being able to lead such a simple life...or again whether my life is simple a not...its dependent on my thinking again leh??...hmm....nowadays love to juz go and sleep lor...suddenly realised that sleeping is a very good thing...allows me to juz cast my worries...or rather all my problems away lor...
Essentially, thoughts/craps/rants of my life
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Problems...
Sometimes one cant help, but think about some things that arent meant to think...especially when one is so tired and helpless in a world where democracy dont really exist anymore...or maybe when one cannot be able to get out of a certain matrix lor....quoted from wein de....
Days and weeks passed by, everyday I dont see any aim...anything on what to look forward to....except towards breakfast,lunch,dinner then the next day.....then followed by the next weekend...seems very monotone but I muz still try to see in another perspective lor...I told her that I will try so muz still try lor...
Recently, my bro. said that I didnt spend enough time with him and that I never listen to him unlike in the past. But there were times when he will talk to me about games, but then again I have already lost all interest in games liao...dunno why leh...seems like no games could ever satisfy me liao....so I sometimes tao him coz of that...Is the generation gap finally beginning to set in liao?? I told myself that I dont want to miss out this most impt period of his life...but I also do have my own problems...and I definitely need time for myself..I also dunno for wad...juz roam around on my own...go to 'that' place again..and maybe meet up with frenz if possible...but cannot always be like yesterday lah..if not broke liao=P...haiz....if Sam was here, she would def. know wad to do lor...lol...she still says will msg me after she is free...hehe...she never again lor...so I presume she went to slp or maybe she had to pei paul lor...
Looking at each of my frenz...those I hang out with...most had their other half liao...seems very lonely in this kind of world lor...lol...sounds like I also muz go and get one rite...bullshit lor..lol...I not like that de...but it does really make one feels lonely here lor...and most also now got to serve the nation liao so their weekends will be packed with their own committments lor...I can foresee tat bball sessions will be getting lesser liao...hmm...hopefully we can all still keep in touch lor....
8 more weeks...for that promise....muz hang on!!!! Jia You!!...lol...trying to boost my own confidence...=)
Days and weeks passed by, everyday I dont see any aim...anything on what to look forward to....except towards breakfast,lunch,dinner then the next day.....then followed by the next weekend...seems very monotone but I muz still try to see in another perspective lor...I told her that I will try so muz still try lor...
Recently, my bro. said that I didnt spend enough time with him and that I never listen to him unlike in the past. But there were times when he will talk to me about games, but then again I have already lost all interest in games liao...dunno why leh...seems like no games could ever satisfy me liao....so I sometimes tao him coz of that...Is the generation gap finally beginning to set in liao?? I told myself that I dont want to miss out this most impt period of his life...but I also do have my own problems...and I definitely need time for myself..I also dunno for wad...juz roam around on my own...go to 'that' place again..and maybe meet up with frenz if possible...but cannot always be like yesterday lah..if not broke liao=P...haiz....if Sam was here, she would def. know wad to do lor...lol...she still says will msg me after she is free...hehe...she never again lor...so I presume she went to slp or maybe she had to pei paul lor...
Looking at each of my frenz...those I hang out with...most had their other half liao...seems very lonely in this kind of world lor...lol...sounds like I also muz go and get one rite...bullshit lor..lol...I not like that de...but it does really make one feels lonely here lor...and most also now got to serve the nation liao so their weekends will be packed with their own committments lor...I can foresee tat bball sessions will be getting lesser liao...hmm...hopefully we can all still keep in touch lor....
8 more weeks...for that promise....muz hang on!!!! Jia You!!...lol...trying to boost my own confidence...=)
A long day....
Yesterday was a very long day lor...i went out from morning all the way till near 2 am this morning...shucks and tml i still got LF....lol....anw morning went to meet peck hor 1st to collect back my total annhilation cd..didnt knw he bought supreme commander liao...shucks should go and try and borrow from him next time ...lol then later went to meet pig for breakfast lor...lol..wah now her job seems so interesting, with proposals and all...haha and somemore make her realised that she is late overdue in submitting her SMU application lor....lol...and was really gr8 being able to talk to pig lor..and we also talk about chao keng...haha after that rush down to SMU for interview...
Was kinda surprised by the interview lor...coz its not like any I have encountered before lor, its seriously an eye-opener and somemore i kenna mostly the poly bunch...lol..somemore met an officer from 5 SIR and someone from my unit as well..lol...but it was seriously very interesting lor...also get to knw this guy from TP who is older than me by a year and others whom are even older like 5 years lor
After that went to meet ly and kelly, then realised kelly was underdressed for town...got such thing meh...lol...then in the rain had to go all the way back to AMK to her house and wait for her to change and cause i never bring an umbrella....both ly and me kenna wet lor..actly i suffer the worse lor....my entire left side was wet lor...haha...and ly still wear a skirt somemore...haha...anw reached her house realised that got dog one...haha and lets juz say tht i not so keen on dogs lor...lol...but her parents quite friendly and able to talk lor and her bro. is somemore a sgt in BMT sia...cool lor...wah then went to town and they eat rather ex. stuff lor....like village to coffee club plus movie tickets...lol...but its ok lah..once in awhile its ok lor...in the end the movie, we watch i think its juz another feel good show and that the main moral of the story was "keep moving forward"...lol...by the time it ended it was like 1130 liao...then by the time sent kelly home it was 12 am liao.. at the point of time, no bus liao and both ly and me walked all the way home lor...haha...from AMK to serangoon....approx. 1 hr 15 mins lor...given our speed lor...haha and the terrain...she was telling me all about her 4 million and comparing between me and sam. lol...haha and she kept on saying that mine was far worse and then she also got tok abt her changes in life lor..lol...thts why i say in my earlier entry, sometimes i still got think abt it...
She also ask me whether i had already forgotten about her liao...but then for me how to sia...anw i dun believe in forgetting her...i juz feel that we had to changed and slipped into the diferent roles in both our lives lor...for me its to a best fren position lor...i think...lol..anw dun really bother abt this liao lor...lol...think also no use de lor
Anw..nowadays i seem be very sianz lor...maybe its the lack of drive in my life as well as ARMY lor....and my 2 months course training...so tht can explains everything lor....but wad can i do...LLST lor...last time i got her to hang on thru BMT...and my sect. mates.....now....i dun dare to let her be my motivation liao...but there is smthg that always push me forward...and thats my promise to her...
Was kinda surprised by the interview lor...coz its not like any I have encountered before lor, its seriously an eye-opener and somemore i kenna mostly the poly bunch...lol..somemore met an officer from 5 SIR and someone from my unit as well..lol...but it was seriously very interesting lor...also get to knw this guy from TP who is older than me by a year and others whom are even older like 5 years lor
After that went to meet ly and kelly, then realised kelly was underdressed for town...got such thing meh...lol...then in the rain had to go all the way back to AMK to her house and wait for her to change and cause i never bring an umbrella....both ly and me kenna wet lor..actly i suffer the worse lor....my entire left side was wet lor...haha...and ly still wear a skirt somemore...haha...anw reached her house realised that got dog one...haha and lets juz say tht i not so keen on dogs lor...lol...but her parents quite friendly and able to talk lor and her bro. is somemore a sgt in BMT sia...cool lor...wah then went to town and they eat rather ex. stuff lor....like village to coffee club plus movie tickets...lol...but its ok lah..once in awhile its ok lor...in the end the movie, we watch i think its juz another feel good show and that the main moral of the story was "keep moving forward"...lol...by the time it ended it was like 1130 liao...then by the time sent kelly home it was 12 am liao.. at the point of time, no bus liao and both ly and me walked all the way home lor...haha...from AMK to serangoon....approx. 1 hr 15 mins lor...given our speed lor...haha and the terrain...she was telling me all about her 4 million and comparing between me and sam. lol...haha and she kept on saying that mine was far worse and then she also got tok abt her changes in life lor..lol...thts why i say in my earlier entry, sometimes i still got think abt it...
She also ask me whether i had already forgotten about her liao...but then for me how to sia...anw i dun believe in forgetting her...i juz feel that we had to changed and slipped into the diferent roles in both our lives lor...for me its to a best fren position lor...i think...lol..anw dun really bother abt this liao lor...lol...think also no use de lor
Anw..nowadays i seem be very sianz lor...maybe its the lack of drive in my life as well as ARMY lor....and my 2 months course training...so tht can explains everything lor....but wad can i do...LLST lor...last time i got her to hang on thru BMT...and my sect. mates.....now....i dun dare to let her be my motivation liao...but there is smthg that always push me forward...and thats my promise to her...
Quite funny lor...lol
For the past 2 years, this fren of mine never talk to me on msn for more than an hour and that mostly we tok abt its on work and homework lor...lol...so when I was asking her about SMU application, she told me the stuff that I need to know and plus smthg extra lor
She told me about someone whom confess to her and that she rejected him and that she felt really bad lor...lol...didnt really expect that from her...but anw better now clear everything rather than lead him on lor...lol...and well the guy..let says he is quite prominent in school lor and its quite interesting to hear certain stuffs from him lor...haha yeah but was great to be able to help someone lor..and maybe with my experience, i can also share some views and at least i am able to make her feel better lor...maybe sam was right after all, sometimes in life, u dont have to focus all ur love and concern on a single person...why not use this and help others?..also share this love and concern with others whom needs it lor...
Hah..but of coz, it is different from being able to share ur love and concern with that special someone lor...eh..how to say...its really different lor...nowadays I began to care for my frenz more often and try to help them in wadever way I can lor...and when they come to me with their problems, especially relationships one, which is usually very tricky....i try to help them into finding their own answer lor...but everytime i help them, i will always have flashbacks about the past and the sadness behinds it...and all the bitterness that comes to it. Then the question of why must I go thru all this ?...i was juz trying to love someone..do i really deserved all this at all...or is it juz because its my fault all this while or fate is trying to play with me...so yeah lor...its rather sianz for me lor. But at least i am able to help them to a certain extent lor...
Sometimes i often wonder how come it seems to me that our roles have changed drastically..and now i am sometimes living with a pain that was similarly to hers in the past..wth...lol...maybe coz our mindsets were the same at the point of time lor. Ppl around me kept telling me to move forward and let go of the past...similarly a movie also told me that...lol...but...still..i occasionally feels the emptiness, the aimless part of myself in life....but anw think all this will come to an end de lah...i hope=)
She told me about someone whom confess to her and that she rejected him and that she felt really bad lor...lol...didnt really expect that from her...but anw better now clear everything rather than lead him on lor...lol...and well the guy..let says he is quite prominent in school lor and its quite interesting to hear certain stuffs from him lor...haha yeah but was great to be able to help someone lor..and maybe with my experience, i can also share some views and at least i am able to make her feel better lor...maybe sam was right after all, sometimes in life, u dont have to focus all ur love and concern on a single person...why not use this and help others?..also share this love and concern with others whom needs it lor...
Hah..but of coz, it is different from being able to share ur love and concern with that special someone lor...eh..how to say...its really different lor...nowadays I began to care for my frenz more often and try to help them in wadever way I can lor...and when they come to me with their problems, especially relationships one, which is usually very tricky....i try to help them into finding their own answer lor...but everytime i help them, i will always have flashbacks about the past and the sadness behinds it...and all the bitterness that comes to it. Then the question of why must I go thru all this ?...i was juz trying to love someone..do i really deserved all this at all...or is it juz because its my fault all this while or fate is trying to play with me...so yeah lor...its rather sianz for me lor. But at least i am able to help them to a certain extent lor...
Sometimes i often wonder how come it seems to me that our roles have changed drastically..and now i am sometimes living with a pain that was similarly to hers in the past..wth...lol...maybe coz our mindsets were the same at the point of time lor. Ppl around me kept telling me to move forward and let go of the past...similarly a movie also told me that...lol...but...still..i occasionally feels the emptiness, the aimless part of myself in life....but anw think all this will come to an end de lah...i hope=)
Friday, April 06, 2007
An unexpected call...
2 weeks have already passed liao..being in that place lor..so far learnt quite a few stuffs lor...rather interesting sia and the PT is getting more xiong lor...so far hopefully can pull thru it and finish it sia...lol...8 more weeks to go!!!!
Recently, received a call from SMU...asking me to go for interview...sia lah and I was stunned lor...lol...coz its like i never expected them to even call me sia...lol..a bit daunting lor and its like only tml...wah kao..a bit scared but anyway juz have to go there and do my best lor...anw being able to have a chance is gd enough liao...so even if they dun accept me, its ok lor...ahaha...most impt thing is to juz be myself and dont be too informal lor...i hope its enough to get me into the uni. and somemore its about 2 hrs.....wah where got interview that long sia....like that I very stress lor...lol....OMG....why NUS haven call me yet sia??....haha
Friday, March 23, 2007
AHH!!!! let me dig a hole and hide myself!!!
WTF...juz now went with my mum to go and see doc. coz she is not feeling well lor...and so qiao meet her and him...sia lah...stunned dio lor....but other wise ok lor..then of coz was talking with my mum..i tink i spoke rather loudly lor....shit then i ask stupid questions....What the hell am I doing sia...wah kao..I think the headache is getting it to me lor...WTF...freaking paiseh sia......shit man...ahh!!!!!!!!! what is wrong with me sia??!!!!....I think I seriously need to see a psychiatrist coz I cannot control my emotions.............wah kao...freaking paiseh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing except emptiness...
Will I feel this way for the rest of the year?? Where she will never share her problems with me as in the past, hearing her speak to her boyfriend when I am around...
Or maybe I am juz feeling lonly coz every1 seems to be having a life out there, and I am stuck here in my own home. I remember SHE got this song "Only Lonely", yeah that pretty sums up how I feel...Maybe I havent really let go of her, coz I am still feeling like shit and though I am able to be her good friend and all and to a certain extent, her guardian star...haiz but its still not the same. Anw , she already has him so why I bother so much? I dunno...never felt this empty, this hollow before lor...maybe I had already gotten use to giving so much that now I have already emptied all of my feelings and stuff. So in the end, maybe she is right after all, sometimes I can show her my care and concern in another way lor..and dont have to only through BGR bah.
Anw, now the pain is getting lesser lor...anw who knows wad the future will bring lor? Maybe I meet someone much better than her and is worth my care and love or sometimes even more ridiculous...we may end together lor after one whole big circle...lol...then I will really say that fate is making a fool out of us. But its no use hoping for the impossible lor, what has happen has happened and what will eventually come to be , will come lor...
Btw, I am posted to 39 SCE..lol...chem warfare lor lol...men in white and still muz do SOC in that..what the fuck sia...and I thot SOC was over..OMG 2 months of torture sia...hopefully Orion has perpared me enough and somemore IPPT still fail lor...sianz zi bua...haha
Or maybe I am juz feeling lonly coz every1 seems to be having a life out there, and I am stuck here in my own home. I remember SHE got this song "Only Lonely", yeah that pretty sums up how I feel...Maybe I havent really let go of her, coz I am still feeling like shit and though I am able to be her good friend and all and to a certain extent, her guardian star...haiz but its still not the same. Anw , she already has him so why I bother so much? I dunno...never felt this empty, this hollow before lor...maybe I had already gotten use to giving so much that now I have already emptied all of my feelings and stuff. So in the end, maybe she is right after all, sometimes I can show her my care and concern in another way lor..and dont have to only through BGR bah.
Anw, now the pain is getting lesser lor...anw who knows wad the future will bring lor? Maybe I meet someone much better than her and is worth my care and love or sometimes even more ridiculous...we may end together lor after one whole big circle...lol...then I will really say that fate is making a fool out of us. But its no use hoping for the impossible lor, what has happen has happened and what will eventually come to be , will come lor...
Btw, I am posted to 39 SCE..lol...chem warfare lor lol...men in white and still muz do SOC in that..what the fuck sia...and I thot SOC was over..OMG 2 months of torture sia...hopefully Orion has perpared me enough and somemore IPPT still fail lor...sianz zi bua...haha
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