Realisation...

I realised that it has already been quite some time since I last blog...lots of things had happens during the past 3 weeks or so lor...I faced my inner fears 3 weeks ago...I think I survived it...I faced the dark side of myself 2 weeks ago...I help someone last week...oh ya and I consumed a rather huge breakfast and lunch last week=P....so ya all in all a lot of things had happened.



Actually its kinda funny and sort of amusing, when one thinks back and recollect all the thoughts and feelings that one goes thru in the past and now it is all so different...its like...one really cannot predict the future de...and no matter how hard one strives for something, sometimes it will just never happen...no matter how much one desires. So in the end , I feel its not the end results that counts but the process lor...however this rule doesnt apply in the real world sadly though...



In the end, i think she is right 3 months ago...then I couldnt see the future and was totally destroyed inside out and life wasnt going right for me and all lor...then I also realised that for the past 6 months or so...I have been living in a cage that I had erected around myself lor...so ya it has been a very long time already...things have changed and life is never the same liao...unlike in the past lor...so sometimes when things happens, one cannot help but think why it happens to us...eventually after the event has passed then do we actually able to look at it and think...hey I learnt something from this...

Sometimes I feel that life is so much like opportunity cost sia...by gaining something, one loses out in some places and vice-versa sia....

Not yet...still not yet there

On the night after I book out, Sam. suddenly called me down coz she got some problems abt him...so yeah went down and juz listen to her lor...and all...haiz..very sad lor and worrying when she talks like that lor...it really worries me when see her like tht leh...then juz pei her for awhile then juz let her think it through lor...anw such things I feel that one should solve themselves lor...but nonetheless still very worried for her...

Yesterday, after went to extend my passport, I went down to vivo so to recce for mother's day present as well as go look for bleach the cd...found it but not to my liking leh...so yeah...then dun knw why..feel that muz go look for her then went down to her workplace to find her...in the end couldnt find her( actually she went to main store)...thot what happen went down to SAC...in the end also cannot find her...suddenly panicked and all...got denise to msg me once she reach home...luckily she contacted me lor....if not i dun think I will be able to sleep lor...

Sometimes I wonder why did I go to such extent for her, I am under no obligations rite??.....but then again if I dont, then I wont feel an xin lor...so ya...like that lor...anw...haiz its sunday already sia...sianz....juz realised that its another 5 more weeks and not 4 weeks lor...ah!!!!!....5 more days to FREEDOM!!!....

Me and my emo. self...

Dunno why today feeling freaking emo. again....wah kao...sianz lor...then also realised that most of my blog entries since feb. 26 was super emo. as well...lol...found ben song the blog was also as emo. as mine....anw both of us agree that blogs are meant to show case our thots as well as our experiences and not to show what others want to read...or maybe their daily routine...can u imagine...5.30 wake up...then brush teeth...blah blah blah...lol...no lah its up to the individual lor...

How can 1 stop being emo.? find another source of entertainment??.....go out more often wth frenz...OMG....muz spend more leh...hah...the best way i find is muz change one's mindset...but both u and I knw is damn freaking difficult lor...sianz sia...ok not sianz...but juz...dunno leh...shucks missed those studying times whereby we will always go out and study and study then chill for an hr then study again..sometimes well into the night lor downstairs...its the same with the guys, we used to play bball after sec. school and on friday we end early and we will rush down to moon court and " WOOHOO!!!! BALL!!!!!! AND HOOP!!!!"...lol...no worries sia...come home cheong game sia...lol....ya those were the days man...those were the days...now...everyone in NS...bk out...damn freaking tired...after that some muz go pei GF and the gals will go pei BF...wah...like that contact list also getting smaller...juz want to go and chill out also difficult sia...then those poly. ones will have exams....while some will have to work lor

Nowadays, find staying at home a bit of a chore...dunno why lor...games doesnt appeal to me liao...have i grown up?..but now also lazy in learning more about finace and stuff...always feels like stoning around, juz go around chilling seems very appealing to me lor...hmm...or am I such a person sia...lol...ah....missing those times sia...I want to go back to 1 year back!!!!!!!!! Someone please invent a time machine sia!!!!

Juz now, my mum juz complained about my sis again...haiz..i also dunno what to say lor..coz its purely my sis fault and I also cannot help her liao...dunno what to say sia..Sam. was rite...when a gal reach 17th years old and nearing 18, a lot of stuffs is going to happen and furthurmore from a single sex to a mixed school....my sis always comes home so late somemore..haiz...like that how to go and talk to her sia...hmm...wonder should refer her to auntie...but dun tink its right somehow....dun want to trouble her leh...but she sure can tink of smthg leh...I also dunno what to do sia......

lol..this is one of the reasons why i need a time machine then I wont be so fan...or someone to pei wo during such times=X*oops...letting my emotions control me again*...see how lor...anw 3 more days of training to go be4 my 50 hrs of freedom!!!! tml still got @darth vader@ run, on thurs got IPPT training. friday got 10km run....OMG>>.....someone pls save me....now i really truly need an angel....LOL....

5 more weeks to go!!!!!!

28th April...

That day was my birthday lor!!!..hmm...wad to say leh...Oh ya...1st and foremost the thank you list...

RANKINGS:
1) Samantha( thanks for the 'surprise')
2) Joyce (didnt knw she rmbr me sia..)
3) Jie Sheng(sory didnt reply ya)
4) Ernie(used my mum phone somemore..)
5) Uncle david
6) Ben Loh(where is my bag??=P)
7) Pig
8)Samuel
9)Zhen Ming
10)Shane
11)Long Yu
*Again sam. won the 'race' for the 2nd successive year...haha*

those who are late: Socks, ah png, zhenni...lol...but at least they still msg me...lol...haha and to all those that i never say lor...thanks to all=)

Wah i 1st time during my birthday..got out at 1154...juz becuz Someone...msg me to come down in 5 minutes somemore....lol...so I went down at exactly 5 minutes lor...sort of thinking whether Sam. is going to appear with a birthday cake lor..which was like quite obvious mah...with her sms...then lo and BEHOLD...she really turned up with a chocolate cake with everything and sitting there asking me to hurry up...lol...then of cuz my 1st time mah...stunned tio lor...so juz make a quick wish and blow out the candles lor...but no birthday song and camera sia....so Sam. please take note of that for the folowing year...haha...then we ate w/o any utensils lor...haha use our hands and man the chocolate tastes gr8 lor...after that went up to grab some H20...lol...its water lor...then chatted for about till 2 am sia...then sent her home lor...Following morning, she fulfilled her promise lor...she spent the day with me lor...but not like we went anywhere interesting lah...coz she also not feeling very well and I am damn tired...always feels like sleeping...end up...we both chilled around and at times act small kids...hor...the aunite always say i xiao qi..I where got sia...then we were like pounting against each other and poking her...haha and she pretend to cry...dunno why everytime she does that I will always laughed de...maybe its her character lor...ACT CUTE!!! xiao mei mei....haha....so basically the whole day went to chill out with her lor...haha....but to me its quite ok lor..to be able to spend ur bdae with ur ultimate^10 best fren...so cool sia...haha...then at times remiscence about our studying times together lor...oh ya realised that she is especially guai lor....that place also dunno and this place also dunno..kept suaning her the entire time...hahaha...but later on karma took over...coz i at cedele kenna paiseh..coz didnt knw how to order lor...lol...then later at night spend it with my family at a seafood restuarant lor...the food was super fresh lor...so well...not bad lah...now still waiting for some of my presents to arrived at the same time...haha

It has been a very long time since I spent my day with her liao lor...so yeah thats was very nice...it has been so long liao...ok maybe not that long as comparing with the calender but its long in my mind lah...so yeah it was gr8......at the same time some stuff finally struck a chord with my mind..and made me able to finally answer some questions that I am unable to answer in the past...

DUMB

Sometimes in life, there are some things that will make u do the most illogical things lor...juz now did a very stupid and ridiculous thing that cause my mum to worry...dunno why I did that but by the time I realise it...it is freaking stupid and all..so ya

Telepathy??

Yoz to all, bet u muz be wondering how come on a weekday I am able to blog....haha..I never AWOl lah...coz muz attend a parade at marina today so my boss sort of gave us a day off lor...lol...like I said earlier even if they give us 24 hrs we will be very contented liao...haha...

Yest. nite , the whole night cannot sleep and kept having a continuous dream lor....like I woke up at a certain timing then went to sleep again then the dream continues and it happens like 5 to 6 times lor...and it was all about her lor...so thot smthg might have happen thts why msg her lor...then found out tht she got high fever sia....aiyo juz like when I kenna 39 degrees last time lor...hopefully she had recovered liao coz I heard like it has been going on for quite long liao lor...

But also dunno why..today wake up super restless sia...dun really want for the day to pass too fast lor...of cuz u all knw why lah...lol...

DEPRESSED GUYS

6 More Weeks To Go liao...and counting down lor...just now went to play bball with the guys. Can see the change in a lot of them lor...most of us become depressed due to NS which meant both police and army lor...Johnny seems just like me when I was in BMT the early phase lor and he also botak liao...lol...and ren also seems so tired juz like what I am feeling now except that it is much worse lor..OCS leh...a lot of responsibility lor...the best is still justin lor..from BMT to police now he is like God there lor...the untouchables he was called...lol...and also is rather slack as compared to the army.

Very interesting to see johnny struggled with drills and was stressed by it..lol...and keep asking ben song for help then both ben and me try to help him with the basic commands lor. then i think most of us also dont like the regimental system of NS lor...with drills to tekkan sessions lor...and all of the shit lor....I see ren like kinda tired and he still got like another 8 months to go lor...Of coz I also got my own fair share of problems lor...with my unit system and the mental stress that we are now going thru. like what Ah Li puts it...life is just going to get tougher and tougher..so still counting down but now I dont really care whether i am able to pass out liao...for me if i improve my fitness as well as do my best in all the trainings and ops...and of coz safety 1st lor...haha and still trying to get ren to join engineer so that he can join my unit lor...ahaha...then that will be fun lor=)...haha but like what he say endure the next few months then say lor...eventually we hardly play much ball lor..it sort of turn into a kinda talk on NS and ben was the only listening from both sides of the story lor.....haha so he kinda benefit from it...also suddenly realised that every1 in NS is always thinking of awol....but of cuz we will never do that lor..lol...haha

This weekend never really went out but I cheong lor....on FOOD lah...hah not clubbing lor...lol...went to J8 to eat ice cream and stuff like that...always feel that weekends are always too short but as compared to ren, i think mine is long lor...coz he always bk out sat. eve. which is like onli 24 hrs of freedom and its back to work...so in the end, I think everyone will missed the BMT phase lor....well...except the police one lor...lol...haha

Now left 6 weeks liao, felt that my fitness is UP lor...I meant improving lor...so hopefully can finally get that elusive pass in IPPT lor...but in terms of training its getting worse lor...haiz just hope that it wont get even more depressing lor...

Anw hopefully will be able to last thru lor, 2 days ago got this 8 km run so to ready ourselves for the AHM lor...and I tell u its damn bloody long lor...i ran 4 km want to die liao...then juz walk a bit till my PS shouted for the platoon to hurry up....the last 2 km wah...i went to xiao mode lor...i began to talk to myself liao...I think thats what really kept me all the way lor I kept thinking about her and imagine she was there to push me on...lol...surprising it really works lor...though i finish over the timing but i didnt stop lor but of cuz at the end felt a bit fainting...but after awhile got much better lor...again this is the 3rd week never see her liao...hmm..wonder how is she and all...if not wrong she should be in camp lor. I think it sort of became a ritual for me to go to that place and juz think about the present, the future and of cuz the past lor...somehow there I am able to think of a lot of stuff lor....and needless to say there very nice to sleep leh...hehe...I think the next time I shift out, will still make it a point to go there lor......still missing her leh....lol...hmm...still remember what she said last time on how she wants to celebrate my birthday...wondering whether she still remembers but dunno whether I want to accept it oso...lol...if she reads this she will understands bah...lol...I think if she really turn up with that 'huge' present, I think I will be super happy for quite long lor...lol...but there are some other repercussions that may follow behind lor...

Booking in soon liao...as the hours drained away...so does my spirit...hmm...it didnt feel like a week lor...it felt even longer....wah but cannot be compared to ren's one lor......I also realised smthg common among all NS guys, its that we grumble and compare a lot...but at the same time we treasure more of life's simplest pleasures...well like eating and if u give us juz 24 hrs of civillian time, we will be more than happy...no....we will be ecstatic to receive it lor!!!!...Anw, tml will be a very long and packed day for me and i think i will only book out like damn late lor...anw those prac. that we will be having tml will definietely screwed up de lor...so well...all i can hope that the commanders dun suddenly changed a lot coz now its time to get serious liao...and well...juz see how lor......yeah life is juz going to get more xiong liao...looking 4ward to next weekend...another 50 hours of freedom that awaits me!!!!