being EMO.....

being EMO.....

Was just reading a bit of Tuesdays with Morrie yesterday, and it sort of share some insights on stuff on how to deal with emotions and stuff....but lets not talk about the bad ones and lets concentrate on the good ones lor...

Even the good emotions can sometimes be turned into a nightmare, am I right??
When u are confident, its good but over-confident...goner
When u like someone, its nice but it also brings about insecurity...goner again...

Ok...again I most probably use relationships again...coz I am in some sort of deep shit in myself lor...haha..well wadever bah..anw if most people knows me, they will tell u that I am sort of those chaps whom always like to thinks a lot and have a lot ideals and stuff and that I always seem to always be happy and stuff....but behind that facade and all, I am actually rather weak and think too much...or so i think bah...it is because I always feel that is up to oneself to be happy so wadever hurt or suffering I have, I dont really show it out...it is sort of bad I think..coz I keep a lot of things to myself but I dont want to coz others to worry and stuff lor...hmm..maybe I should changed that..lol..

Okok....a bit the digressing liao...now where were we....oh yea...its all about juz "clearing your system"...do not hold it back lor...Morrie quotes that one must learnt how to go with the emotions and stuff...I mean the good ones ah...erm...ok example is like yesterday, she was feeling frustrated over her life and not being able to do what she always wanted to do...I was sitting there..juz listening to her but never say anything coz I was never in her position and do not really understand how to deal with her problem..all I could think was juz listen to her lor...actually I wanted to juz put a hand over her shoulder and juz say that everything is going to be ok and yeah...but I didnt..why...again paiseh lor...on the way home, was like juz reprimanding myself that as a fren should try to console her lor and all...but because of all those paiseh and other stuff that's why to afraid...well at least now I fully understood what did Morrie meant liao lor...lol

Was juz pondering that others blogged about daily affairs, politics, trends, selling clothes....and here I am blogging on my personal thoughts and stuff...lol...a bit the weird is it?..or is it juz me...anw maybe to me blogging is juz another way to de-stress and counter-check with my feelings and inner thoughts bah...haha anw it is rather interesting to read back at past entries and sometimes think how naive I was in the past....haha

Anw GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE ON THEIR A LEVELS which is starting very soon....but now I will juz try my best and believe in myself...whatever happens it wont be the end of the world de=)

Thinking...

Thinking...

Sometimes one must learn to let go of a lot of things and see things from another point's of view...Just realised that a lot of things will never go our way, be it whether is relationships, examinations or even why some families have so many problems...Actually, the most important thing is to juz keep doing what one thinks its right and have no regrets...anw life is too short to always be filled with regrets lor...ok that sounds so clinched and stuff...hey but if it is not true, then its not clinched liao lor...haha anw easy to say but difficult to do lor...what to do..we humans are such complicated creatures lor...haha our uniqueness is our own complexity...how ironic!

There are a lot of things that I wish I had done...but if u allow me to turn back time, and be faced with the same problem or dillenma again...would I approached it in another way...maybe not lor...so no use looking at the past lor...the past is there for us to remember and learn, not to dwell in it...but as I said earlier, this is easier than done...especially its those wonderful or painful memories which influences us a lot that we cant seem to let go off...of coz there are some out there whom are able to let go of such emotions...haha pei fu pei fu sia...

Maybe we could have done certain things in a different way from how we dealt with it at that particular time lor...but anw time has already past and there is no way to turn back and say" Hey why dont I do it this way?"...anw its how each person handle various situations at that point of time, so there is no right or wrong way in it lor...juz do what u want to do...simple...but many do not see that point coz of various reasons...also as one grows up, it is never about oneself anymore...it is about the surrounding love ones...when my uncle left for melbourne, the ones that are affected the most are my grand-parents...my grandpa became so depressed that he fall sick so easily and nowadays, he juz kept going out as he cannot deal with the pain that his son and grandchild is in a faraway place...my uncle and auntie finally be able to migrate...but at what cost...juz thinking of my grandma all alone at home...really hurts me...and I also dont always have the time to go and see her and stuff...as we grow up, such things have to be taken to considerations isn't....However, in other situations, we should juz do what we think its right...no matter what others say...Many people after like the 40s and stuff...they think back and say "haiz, I should have done that"...even at my age now, I also sometimes think back and say the same thing

Meeting up with a very "old" friend...

Meeting up with a very "old" friend...

Yesterday, was a rather interesting day...okay at least I finish 3 DRQs the previous night and went through them and I managed to do some VJC prelim questions which is rather surprising not so difficult...no wonder Andrew can 'own' the paper...lol....but of coz its during exam conditions mah..lol...so after tuition,went to have a chat and dinner with ben loh...lol...and we were talking about the shuttle-cock keychain...lol..and how both our families went gaga over the whole incident...haha...so about 9 was juz going home lor...and listening to me ipod...went all of a sudden.....

Someone decided to have a jump on me...wah...I thought hu was the idiot...last time someone did that on me was yuan long...so I thought it was him again...but....it turn out to be TH!!!!!....Super-suprised beside the fact that it was him but he jumped on me!!!!....OMG....the TH...I knew was never that crazy before lah...lol...so was chatting with him lor...then we decided to go somewhere and chat lah....in the end went to JC house there the playground to slack and juz talk lor...along the way he still shout out "JOHNATHAN"!!!!...wah kao...he seems so super enthu. and siao liao!!!...haha reminds of myself last year when become super crazy and always an enthu. spider....haha...so was there chatting with him, talking about the gal he like and how we all changes and how the rest of the st.gabs peeps are doing well at poly. lor...haha he seems so much more open and easy to talk to nowadays...but somehow or rather, I feel that he is juz going thru' a stage that I already past last year...he is like doing wadever that I have already done last year...going crazy over gals...seeing more of the world, clubbing...those stuff lor...I think it has been a rather surreal experience bah...like after experiencing so many stuffs and problems..its like can share with a friend...its...feels good sia...lol....

After that we went over to my house the playground lor, coz JC house there began to fill up with couples, fitness mad person and Zachery( i think...waved to him also tao me)...yeah so went to my house there the playground lor..and we chatted from 9 plus I think to 10.30 bah...haha so sort of wasted lots of potential study time...but hey its not always that one can meet up with old friends so start chatting with him lor...so juz plain catching up lor...and he also wants to knw how to chat with gals especially to the gal that he likes...actually seriously ah..I think so far its juz a crush...but hey...u never know rite?...I may be proven wrong...hope so lor...coz I think the gal looks man pei with him leh...haha yeah...but anw he is asking such a question..I also dunno how to ans. him.....juz say be urself lor...I myself also dunno...haha....how I know...apparently he learnt to be crack more jokes and stuff so to like get closer lah...but feels that u are not being true to urself lor...yeah so I dunno lor...suddenly feels so old like that:P

Then he ask me a very sudden question lor...like whether I will think of marriage when I try to have a girlfriend lah..and such stuff...bet he muz be thinking about whether should he look out for the potential wife or should he juz be trying different gals out...haha I told him that in the past, I hope to juz have 1 relationship then hopefully can get married and that's it. However, now I don't knw whether is that still possible but I always look whether my potential gf can communicate or wadsoever lor...coz thats the most impt to me...and thats what I have been emphasising to him...I think thats super impt lor...after seeing so many of my frenz and my experience..thats my conclusion lor...ahaha so yeah lor juz slack with him and talk all such stuff lor....kinda cool..wah I began to like the playground at my house there....ok sam. house to be more precise....especially after 10...super quiet sia...nice place lor...only thing is that I too fat liao..cannot play the slides anymore and that its super zai lor...ahahaha....but yesterday was really great lor...got the cool wind and stuff....well besides the haze that is....

After that he also msg me saying that he was really happy chatting with me...lol...and say that I made a very good bf....hahaha super happy lor...its not everyday someone come over and kua me lor....lol...but hey great meeting up with him again lor=)...back to mugging!!!! less than14 days now....OMG!!!

nthg in particular

BTW hui min...this is only my 122nd post only...wah kao u got 100 posts in like 6 months!!!!....my blog has been like already a year old liao lah!!!.....wah...u hardcore blogger!!! explain urself!!!!

Drinking...

Drinking...

OK...ok..I know I should be studying at this instant and not blogging...lol...but how can 1 cheong the whole day sia...haha....anw now left approx. 13 days if I am nt wrong...ah..wadever lah...actually realise that a lot of people like me has been trying hard to study but dont have the mood or energy to cheong..shit man wad the hell is wrong with us sia!!!....Muz be the haze lor...stupid haze...make me cannot go out, make my frenz sick....screw those**** who started the fires in Indoneisia lah!!!...

Yesterday was drinking this wine from australia....I think it was a borduex...red wine...only about 185ml...with about 15% alcohol lor...after drank finish, can feel its effects lor....began to feel my neck to be quite heavy....but still sober lor...so haha if I drink another 3 bottles of that, I think I will really get drunk liao....haha...was walking to tuition and can feel that I am walking a bit de zig-zag lor...haha shit..damn weak sia...but after awhile ok liao...juz feel like sleeping only...in the end, Ms wong pang sei me lah...haiz....miscommunications ( shakes head)...made me wait there for 45 minutes...after went back home...reached Serangoon around 10..didnt really go home til 1045 lor...juz thot that I need to go somewhere to think...went JC house there...in the end got some punk at that playground...sianz...in the end went to my house there the playground....was damn quiet sia..cool!!!....until some kid thot I am a ghost and was telling her grandpa...man..I look so horrible meh???!!!....so sad=(..lol...by that time, the alcohol effects has wear off liao...and really be able to calm myself down and think more rationally...

I was thinking of how did I spent my last 5 years on earth and recalling all my experiences and stuff like that...it sort of allows me to think in another way lor...and I thot if how stubborn I was in Sec 2 which cause me a grade...how inflexible I was..at the same time I thot of how I didnt give up during that period and that no matter wad, i am going to get promoted to Sec 3....

So why should I give up now?...I have been faced by many problems before...maybe to u its insignificant, but we have our own perspectives of problems...so if I can faced those problems before...I can faced wadever problems I have now...be it studies or wadsoever...I have to admit that I am not good in being able to stay focus on something...but will try my best=)

Recently, someone asked me a question which I answered in a rather neutral way...because at that point of time, I feel that I dont want to give an answer that I may not live up to in the future...but if u ask me now such a question, I would have confidently say NO!!!...I juz cannot see myself doing such a thing lor...coz I feel that wadever it is...its still a commitment and that one muz think of the party's feelings as well...and not only be concerned with oneself...

Anyway, wadever it is, I also bo tai zi cui tai zi one...lol...but nvm lah now its bo tai zi liao...lol...haha anw life is so short and worry here and there for wad...haha better to be a siao yao zi zai the person better lor...haha=)

The letter...

The letter...

'You are required to report to pulau tekong at...."

Those were the words that greeted me when i say my mum holding the pink-coloured Mindef letter...relief that I didnt get into commandos.....not so relieved when I saw my enlistment date...its too soon...far too soon....suddenly realised that time will never going to be on my side...and there are things that I want to do...blessing that I can end my NS earlier than others but at the same time, not having enough time to do some things...that day I was very stun and down by the fact that there isnt much time left...thought about how is life without her is going to be like...insecurities pops up...and again lost my bearings in my thoughts and stuff...wanted very much to have a chat with someone...whom can put me abck to perspectives again...called it fate or wadsoever...its was a book and my uncle whom sort of put me back to it...that day went to the library..coz my mum wanted to borrow a book....and I was juz mousing around as usual then I juz anyhow took a book which has a very nice scenic cover...and borrow it....in the end, its was the author point of life that puts me back into perspectives...." sometimes juz by taking a walk down the forest , to the edge of the cliff, outlooking the sea...that makes one realise that wadever problems or even us is insignificant and all..." Its juz on how we all due with our problems, our insecurities, its how we perceive it that matters...

Of coz..I am not going to say that I have all but rid of those insecurities and problems, as long as I lived..it will be a part of me...I juz have to learnt how to balanced things out lor......so yeah lor...sorry Sam. for causing worry to u...I am fine now....thanks a lot for everything=)

"There he is thinking of hugging her but he knows that he cannot, no matter how strongly he feels about her, so afraid that one day she will juz disappears out of his life......."

Ending of another chapter...

Ending of another chapter...

Whoa...it has been a whooping 13 days since I last blog sia...haha it has been a long time sia..and now its only another 17 days to the As....wah kao...and today I also chao slack...(shakes head)...damn that counterstrike game that my bro. tempts me and my sis....okok its not his fault, its mine....oh well juz make do with wadever time left lor....muz also look forward mah...

Last friday was CJC graduation day, whoa..time has past so fast lor...the day I enter CJC seems like juz yesterday, although I can say that I may not have a very fantastic time at CJ..but come to think of it...it is a really great thing being CJC lor...though my claz is not everyone's ideal claz...but it has taught me a lot of things and stuff that U will definitely never get anywhere else lor...from smoking to fights to geylang....haha u name it:D

It just seems like yesterday when I enter CJ and feeling like a complete idiot of leaving SR to get into CJC...but come to think of it, it was a very good decision lor...I changed a lot in CJC, and learnt a lot too and had a great deal of fun sia...from chingay to NDP...only thing I truly regret was never going to an OCIP trip lor...should have been more determined to join and not being afraid of taking NYAA...haiz but time has passed and it can never be turned back again...ever...haha everytime got such graduation thingy, I will get super sentimental and philosopical again...haha

Johnny was also chosen to give a valedictorian speech, which is suppose to be the most all rounded student then can be chosen one, it wasnt sort of a surprise and I was really happy to see him out there and that shows that we St. Gabs. are also quite pros lor...come to think of it most of the gabrielites there have hold a leadership position lor...so that says a lot about us lor...hahaha...anw JT speech was really funny and at times very funny....though the ending was quite a bit draggy..but hey its better than Mingjie's speech a few years ago lor...haha...of coz I did feel that I never really got any acheivement or smthg...it sort of stick onto me for the rest of the day but even though given with the opportunity, will I take it??...Am I capable?..thats the question lor isnt it...

Yeah..well thats the end of my CJC chapter of my life and the beginning of NS soon....but right now its the As....if u ask me whether I regretted I paid that $10 and changed it from SRJC to CJC like 8 hours before the deadline...NO...I dont at all....

When U say CJ, We say rocks...CJ rocks!!!
When U say CJ, we say zai...CJ ZAI!!!
(stomping of feets)....WHOAAA>>>>.CJ!!!

Passed everything...but thats not enough!!!!

Passed everything...but thats not enough!!!!

OK...it has already been a week ever since we started school... and also gotten back all my results liao...so here they are...

Maths-B(sianz...a lot of careless lor)
Physics-D(damn tyco...50 on the dot lah)
Econs-D(sianz...hoping can get a C lor...)
GP-C6( pass by a mark...super tyco!!!)

Well....its only a so-so result lor...and some teachers can still say not bad lor...like real lah...I bet other JCs confirm will own us like shit lor...lol....the only thing that I can be happy is that I passed everything lor....so gotta make use of the month of oct. to its max....however, that seems a bit tough sia...lol...nowadays come home always feel like sleeping sia...is it a psycological prob. or pure laziness sia...I also dunno...hmm...muz think of smthg to make use of my afternoons sia...