DUMB

Sometimes in life, there are some things that will make u do the most illogical things lor...juz now did a very stupid and ridiculous thing that cause my mum to worry...dunno why I did that but by the time I realise it...it is freaking stupid and all..so ya

Telepathy??

Yoz to all, bet u muz be wondering how come on a weekday I am able to blog....haha..I never AWOl lah...coz muz attend a parade at marina today so my boss sort of gave us a day off lor...lol...like I said earlier even if they give us 24 hrs we will be very contented liao...haha...

Yest. nite , the whole night cannot sleep and kept having a continuous dream lor....like I woke up at a certain timing then went to sleep again then the dream continues and it happens like 5 to 6 times lor...and it was all about her lor...so thot smthg might have happen thts why msg her lor...then found out tht she got high fever sia....aiyo juz like when I kenna 39 degrees last time lor...hopefully she had recovered liao coz I heard like it has been going on for quite long liao lor...

But also dunno why..today wake up super restless sia...dun really want for the day to pass too fast lor...of cuz u all knw why lah...lol...

DEPRESSED GUYS

6 More Weeks To Go liao...and counting down lor...just now went to play bball with the guys. Can see the change in a lot of them lor...most of us become depressed due to NS which meant both police and army lor...Johnny seems just like me when I was in BMT the early phase lor and he also botak liao...lol...and ren also seems so tired juz like what I am feeling now except that it is much worse lor..OCS leh...a lot of responsibility lor...the best is still justin lor..from BMT to police now he is like God there lor...the untouchables he was called...lol...and also is rather slack as compared to the army.

Very interesting to see johnny struggled with drills and was stressed by it..lol...and keep asking ben song for help then both ben and me try to help him with the basic commands lor. then i think most of us also dont like the regimental system of NS lor...with drills to tekkan sessions lor...and all of the shit lor....I see ren like kinda tired and he still got like another 8 months to go lor...Of coz I also got my own fair share of problems lor...with my unit system and the mental stress that we are now going thru. like what Ah Li puts it...life is just going to get tougher and tougher..so still counting down but now I dont really care whether i am able to pass out liao...for me if i improve my fitness as well as do my best in all the trainings and ops...and of coz safety 1st lor...haha and still trying to get ren to join engineer so that he can join my unit lor...ahaha...then that will be fun lor=)...haha but like what he say endure the next few months then say lor...eventually we hardly play much ball lor..it sort of turn into a kinda talk on NS and ben was the only listening from both sides of the story lor.....haha so he kinda benefit from it...also suddenly realised that every1 in NS is always thinking of awol....but of cuz we will never do that lor..lol...haha

This weekend never really went out but I cheong lor....on FOOD lah...hah not clubbing lor...lol...went to J8 to eat ice cream and stuff like that...always feel that weekends are always too short but as compared to ren, i think mine is long lor...coz he always bk out sat. eve. which is like onli 24 hrs of freedom and its back to work...so in the end, I think everyone will missed the BMT phase lor....well...except the police one lor...lol...haha

Now left 6 weeks liao, felt that my fitness is UP lor...I meant improving lor...so hopefully can finally get that elusive pass in IPPT lor...but in terms of training its getting worse lor...haiz just hope that it wont get even more depressing lor...

Anw hopefully will be able to last thru lor, 2 days ago got this 8 km run so to ready ourselves for the AHM lor...and I tell u its damn bloody long lor...i ran 4 km want to die liao...then juz walk a bit till my PS shouted for the platoon to hurry up....the last 2 km wah...i went to xiao mode lor...i began to talk to myself liao...I think thats what really kept me all the way lor I kept thinking about her and imagine she was there to push me on...lol...surprising it really works lor...though i finish over the timing but i didnt stop lor but of cuz at the end felt a bit fainting...but after awhile got much better lor...again this is the 3rd week never see her liao...hmm..wonder how is she and all...if not wrong she should be in camp lor. I think it sort of became a ritual for me to go to that place and juz think about the present, the future and of cuz the past lor...somehow there I am able to think of a lot of stuff lor....and needless to say there very nice to sleep leh...hehe...I think the next time I shift out, will still make it a point to go there lor......still missing her leh....lol...hmm...still remember what she said last time on how she wants to celebrate my birthday...wondering whether she still remembers but dunno whether I want to accept it oso...lol...if she reads this she will understands bah...lol...I think if she really turn up with that 'huge' present, I think I will be super happy for quite long lor...lol...but there are some other repercussions that may follow behind lor...

Booking in soon liao...as the hours drained away...so does my spirit...hmm...it didnt feel like a week lor...it felt even longer....wah but cannot be compared to ren's one lor......I also realised smthg common among all NS guys, its that we grumble and compare a lot...but at the same time we treasure more of life's simplest pleasures...well like eating and if u give us juz 24 hrs of civillian time, we will be more than happy...no....we will be ecstatic to receive it lor!!!!...Anw, tml will be a very long and packed day for me and i think i will only book out like damn late lor...anw those prac. that we will be having tml will definietely screwed up de lor...so well...all i can hope that the commanders dun suddenly changed a lot coz now its time to get serious liao...and well...juz see how lor......yeah life is juz going to get more xiong liao...looking 4ward to next weekend...another 50 hours of freedom that awaits me!!!!

Another week has passed...still missing...

Another week has passed...and another 7 weeks left to go lor...still dont seems to be any nearer to passing the course leh...but see how lor...lol...see what fate has in store for me...i realised that as one grows up, there seems to have more things to take note..to take into concerned to....its a totally different ball game altogether lor...and maybe its time for me to control my spending as well lor...somemore I can only come out like only over weekends....so yeah lor....growing up into the society out there isnt really like a bed of roses lor...Sometimes one have to be bitten then one could rmbr the lesson learnt...haiz but thats life isnt...

In that particular place there, sometimes one get punished for something that has no reason to do with you, but somehow or rather a reason can come out of nowhere...and now the standard or rather the level of expectations is going up lor...dunno how long I can endure...whether i can last...during such times like maybe on that island, I still have her..for me to endure the week, the hell....but now I dont have that privellage anymore....so..either I go look for a new motivation or I just had to endure on my own lor...I dunno how to put it lah...is it becoz of my persectives thats why I am unable to see it in a positive light??...hmm..can someone enlighten me sia?...lol...

Oh well....but clock is still ticking...and life still have to go on...hmm...feels like ichigo in bleach...haha...part hollow...but not a shinigame at all lor...lol...feels like taking up basic theory test soon and maybe learn more about investment lor...maybe that can at least filled up my hollow self bah..hah...still kinda admire kelly for being able to lead such a simple life...or again whether my life is simple a not...its dependent on my thinking again leh??...hmm....nowadays love to juz go and sleep lor...suddenly realised that sleeping is a very good thing...allows me to juz cast my worries...or rather all my problems away lor...

Problems...

Sometimes one cant help, but think about some things that arent meant to think...especially when one is so tired and helpless in a world where democracy dont really exist anymore...or maybe when one cannot be able to get out of a certain matrix lor....quoted from wein de....

Days and weeks passed by, everyday I dont see any aim...anything on what to look forward to....except towards breakfast,lunch,dinner then the next day.....then followed by the next weekend...seems very monotone but I muz still try to see in another perspective lor...I told her that I will try so muz still try lor...

Recently, my bro. said that I didnt spend enough time with him and that I never listen to him unlike in the past. But there were times when he will talk to me about games, but then again I have already lost all interest in games liao...dunno why leh...seems like no games could ever satisfy me liao....so I sometimes tao him coz of that...Is the generation gap finally beginning to set in liao?? I told myself that I dont want to miss out this most impt period of his life...but I also do have my own problems...and I definitely need time for myself..I also dunno for wad...juz roam around on my own...go to 'that' place again..and maybe meet up with frenz if possible...but cannot always be like yesterday lah..if not broke liao=P...haiz....if Sam was here, she would def. know wad to do lor...lol...she still says will msg me after she is free...hehe...she never again lor...so I presume she went to slp or maybe she had to pei paul lor...

Looking at each of my frenz...those I hang out with...most had their other half liao...seems very lonely in this kind of world lor...lol...sounds like I also muz go and get one rite...bullshit lor..lol...I not like that de...but it does really make one feels lonely here lor...and most also now got to serve the nation liao so their weekends will be packed with their own committments lor...I can foresee tat bball sessions will be getting lesser liao...hmm...hopefully we can all still keep in touch lor....

8 more weeks...for that promise....muz hang on!!!! Jia You!!...lol...trying to boost my own confidence...=)

A long day....

Yesterday was a very long day lor...i went out from morning all the way till near 2 am this morning...shucks and tml i still got LF....lol....anw morning went to meet peck hor 1st to collect back my total annhilation cd..didnt knw he bought supreme commander liao...shucks should go and try and borrow from him next time ...lol then later went to meet pig for breakfast lor...lol..wah now her job seems so interesting, with proposals and all...haha and somemore make her realised that she is late overdue in submitting her SMU application lor....lol...and was really gr8 being able to talk to pig lor..and we also talk about chao keng...haha after that rush down to SMU for interview...

Was kinda surprised by the interview lor...coz its not like any I have encountered before lor, its seriously an eye-opener and somemore i kenna mostly the poly bunch...lol..somemore met an officer from 5 SIR and someone from my unit as well..lol...but it was seriously very interesting lor...also get to knw this guy from TP who is older than me by a year and others whom are even older like 5 years lor

After that went to meet ly and kelly, then realised kelly was underdressed for town...got such thing meh...lol...then in the rain had to go all the way back to AMK to her house and wait for her to change and cause i never bring an umbrella....both ly and me kenna wet lor..actly i suffer the worse lor....my entire left side was wet lor...haha...and ly still wear a skirt somemore...haha...anw reached her house realised that got dog one...haha and lets juz say tht i not so keen on dogs lor...lol...but her parents quite friendly and able to talk lor and her bro. is somemore a sgt in BMT sia...cool lor...wah then went to town and they eat rather ex. stuff lor....like village to coffee club plus movie tickets...lol...but its ok lah..once in awhile its ok lor...in the end the movie, we watch i think its juz another feel good show and that the main moral of the story was "keep moving forward"...lol...by the time it ended it was like 1130 liao...then by the time sent kelly home it was 12 am liao.. at the point of time, no bus liao and both ly and me walked all the way home lor...haha...from AMK to serangoon....approx. 1 hr 15 mins lor...given our speed lor...haha and the terrain...she was telling me all about her 4 million and comparing between me and sam. lol...haha and she kept on saying that mine was far worse and then she also got tok abt her changes in life lor..lol...thts why i say in my earlier entry, sometimes i still got think abt it...

She also ask me whether i had already forgotten about her liao...but then for me how to sia...anw i dun believe in forgetting her...i juz feel that we had to changed and slipped into the diferent roles in both our lives lor...for me its to a best fren position lor...i think...lol..anw dun really bother abt this liao lor...lol...think also no use de lor

Anw..nowadays i seem be very sianz lor...maybe its the lack of drive in my life as well as ARMY lor....and my 2 months course training...so tht can explains everything lor....but wad can i do...LLST lor...last time i got her to hang on thru BMT...and my sect. mates.....now....i dun dare to let her be my motivation liao...but there is smthg that always push me forward...and thats my promise to her...

Quite funny lor...lol

For the past 2 years, this fren of mine never talk to me on msn for more than an hour and that mostly we tok abt its on work and homework lor...lol...so when I was asking her about SMU application, she told me the stuff that I need to know and plus smthg extra lor

She told me about someone whom confess to her and that she rejected him and that she felt really bad lor...lol...didnt really expect that from her...but anw better now clear everything rather than lead him on lor...lol...and well the guy..let says he is quite prominent in school lor and its quite interesting to hear certain stuffs from him lor...haha yeah but was great to be able to help someone lor..and maybe with my experience, i can also share some views and at least i am able to make her feel better lor...maybe sam was right after all, sometimes in life, u dont have to focus all ur love and concern on a single person...why not use this and help others?..also share this love and concern with others whom needs it lor...

Hah..but of coz, it is different from being able to share ur love and concern with that special someone lor...eh..how to say...its really different lor...nowadays I began to care for my frenz more often and try to help them in wadever way I can lor...and when they come to me with their problems, especially relationships one, which is usually very tricky....i try to help them into finding their own answer lor...but everytime i help them, i will always have flashbacks about the past and the sadness behinds it...and all the bitterness that comes to it. Then the question of why must I go thru all this ?...i was juz trying to love someone..do i really deserved all this at all...or is it juz because its my fault all this while or fate is trying to play with me...so yeah lor...its rather sianz for me lor. But at least i am able to help them to a certain extent lor...

Sometimes i often wonder how come it seems to me that our roles have changed drastically..and now i am sometimes living with a pain that was similarly to hers in the past..wth...lol...maybe coz our mindsets were the same at the point of time lor. Ppl around me kept telling me to move forward and let go of the past...similarly a movie also told me that...lol...but...still..i occasionally feels the emptiness, the aimless part of myself in life....but anw think all this will come to an end de lah...i hope=)

An unexpected call...

2 weeks have already passed liao..being in that place lor..so far learnt quite a few stuffs lor...rather interesting sia and the PT is getting more xiong lor...so far hopefully can pull thru it and finish it sia...lol...8 more weeks to go!!!!

Recently, received a call from SMU...asking me to go for interview...sia lah and I was stunned lor...lol...coz its like i never expected them to even call me sia...lol..a bit daunting lor and its like only tml...wah kao..a bit scared but anyway juz have to go there and do my best lor...anw being able to have a chance is gd enough liao...so even if they dun accept me, its ok lor...ahaha...most impt thing is to juz be myself and dont be too informal lor...i hope its enough to get me into the uni. and somemore its about 2 hrs.....wah where got interview that long sia....like that I very stress lor...lol....OMG....why NUS haven call me yet sia??....haha