Maybe I am indifferent now....or maybe I just take it as it is...

After a long hiatus, you came back to me again. And as usual its the same kind of problem, which momentarily lead me to wonder whether Me= to being a problem solver for such kinds of problems. But I was aware that something was wrong when I answered the call. U were stuttering, tearing( assume lor) and silent. I knew that its must be the same problem that had just crept back into your life. Hmm...knowing that, I feel that I got to put aside my own demons to solve your problem and calm you down. Strangely, the demons never once put up any resistance. I just felt that I need to calm you down and not be imbalance. Thats all. Maybe, I have come to accept the inner hollow within me and it might had let me to be more objective in such a situation. Or, to put it in another way, I might have already became 70% hollow.

Devils got pawned...saded

Well well...man utd lost 2-0 to Barcelona...as a man u fan, of course i am quite rather gutted to the max. But looking from the team that was fielded and as well as previously watched barcelona some of their matches, I seriously think this won't be Man U day sia. CR was employed as a striker and the midfield can never contain Iniesta who was easily by far the best player on the pitch. No tevez, the flanks were subdued, once the flanks were gone, Man U totally cui sia...carrick I think was one of the few better players for man u.

Of cuz, the first goal. Its the drawing of first blood. The psychological impact on the team that will be chasing the game. And it fell to barcelona. The goal was simple, Vidic tried to anticipate the move by eto'o...of cuz died lah!! He is one of the world's prolific strikers and you tried to be funny...of cuz kenna pawned lor. Ever since then, man utd can't get into the game le...totally shell-shocked and by the time they get their act together, time ran out le. Guttted for park who tried everything, but the full backs of barca just totally nullify him lor.

Anws, just realised that sometimes soccer also like stock market de..there is a trend. Like, no team has ever won the champions league title back to back. So one can say its like destined to be barcelona day lor. But seriously, Man Utd totally got their tatics as well as deployment wrong totally. However, they had ended their season with a double and thats a good enough acheivement with equalling liverpool's 18th bag of titles.

Hopefully, next season will be another good and may see a new influx of players lor. Think ronaldo and tevez are the ones highly likely to leave. Oh and just nice that Man Utd were wearing the away shirt on the final, and Sam got me the away shirt..woohoo..just nice sia..and its the official one can?!! lolz...if i ever remember or wadsoever, will upload the pics up lor.

Updates

Well well I guess I havent really been able to update in recent times ah...haha..its time to do so le...Hmm wonder where to start man? 0.O...Well, got rejected again by NTU for engineering...hmm think most probably going to appeal lor but need to get the relevant stuffs ready...haiz...oh and I am going to enforcement next week le...so change department again, haha...this will be my 3rd department le...wow...lolz...and recently the bball khakis and me have been planning a taiwan trip somewhere in early july...hopefully everything will work out and we can finally go on our trip overseas...initially wanted thailand( due to the political unrest it was changed) , then KL ( sianz kenna H1N1) now taiwan...heard also got H1N1 there but ren was like its now or never...so now we are setting the wheels in motion le. Think ren is going to do the booking liao...speaking of which I gotta call jet-star about whether can get the add. 20kg add on luggage like later and not now...hmm...better remember sia=X.

Regrets?

Hmm...I had been chasing the local uni. dream since I got my results back in 2007, had I maybe think it through better and all, I maybe won't be suffering everything now and worring about $$ issues. But, then I would never have foresee this and at that point of time I thought:"hey, I still have 3 years , so why not just try?"...obviously its a wrong move aint ? now the results are getting harder and the peeps here are like godly smart to the max...Whats an A?? I think at that point of time, I might be swayed by my emotions and all...well...I mean who knows what on earth was going on in my head at that point of time. But, with the knowledge and wadever little wisdom I have at that point of time, its my decision, I got to live with it right? I mean...there is no one else who can make a decision for you right? So maybe from this experience here, there are 2 things to take from here bah, 1) Even if there are other chances, take it the moment it comes to you because u will never know when the next one will come. 2) Don't be swayed by emotions, try to see it with an open mind and the whole picture.

Chasing after the carrot

Think recently, I think friends or those close to me, knows that I am quite rather hard up for cash and $$. Of course, the taiwan trip has a role to play in it as well, but more importantly its my studies, in SIM and stuff...my parents had been saying about lack of funds, fear of $$ not enough for my Sis to maybe go on overseas programmes( as she cant get any scholarships). So to me, $$ is a very huge problem lor...I cannot imagine that one day I am actively cheonging after $$, the very thing in this world that I dont want to be bothered by it, the thing that I am so afraid of falling into the never-ending cycle of being a donkey. Oks, now I must explain myself here, if not people like Sam always says I am being too metaphorical again. there is a saying that goes " Just hang a carrot in front of the donkey, and it will keep moving as it wants to eat it, but we all know it will never or the total amount of hard work just for a carrot?!!!!. Similarly, thats what I see in people of society, I am sure many of people out there knew this, but either they already passed the point where they had the chance to turn around and grab the stick from the rider or their eyes is forever on the carrot. And to me, thats the whole point.

Maybe an incident in the past, had convinced me that hard work is never enough to get hold of something, there are other factors as well in obtaining the goal/aim. Its working hard but smart...and folks, thats the crucial word: Smart. So far, trying to work on weekends as well, I am tired but hey some money got to be earned man.

Oks so far, it seems that I had been complaining all this while...haha...but I know of people who seems to be alright working like 7 days a week and all, so maybe its the atitude that comes with it as well...=).

On my fb status, i put this: " thinks that as one grows up, commitments and expectations of one's life also increases. It is directly proportional." I think its the same to everyone out there, for me I def. missed the life of not bothering about much stuff, just enjoy and play and be happy. 3 words. now its work, money, university, long term goal, future, family. 6 words and it could be more!. Also now having passed 21, I think that life is going to move very fast from now on, my older perm staff at IRAS also said that. I def. concur with that.

Pressure Cooker

But just I was just randomly thinking to myself, have I been pressurising myself too much? I mean I am presently in this situation but there is still a way. Have I been too stubborn? Have I been putting a lot of pressure of myself? So much that if Idont achieve this, I fail.haha...its all in the mindset I think. I more or less have an idea, how I want to go on with life, so I have been using pressure and my current situation to push myself. To force myself to study accounting, to work more, to avoid taking a bank loan and stuff. However, in my opinion, its never a good thing to push oneself due to negatives like that. It got to be a positive thing, it should be a happy thing, the interest in it, then one could excel, find the motivation to learn more , to ask more.

Grass is always greener over the other side

yesterday, ET suddenly brought this up.

ET: " I think Single is much better"
me: " haha...why leh? u missed single ah?"
me: " ren toh si fan jian de" chuckles

This is not the 1st time I have heard this already, I am sure many of you out there also had heard this. I also always wished to get attached, I mean like duh..whodont ? I soon realised that both sides got their pros/cons. I mean I can always list down the pros of being attached but I will def. missed out the conslah. And those people like ET out there, they will say the pros of being single and missed out the cons. Its very normal human nature don't u all think? haha. Similarly, some friends and me recently says...wah...army better, dont need to bother much and stuff..but in the past, its F***, KNN, CB....screw PS, stupid OC or stupid duties....blah blah...like I showed before, we tend to tilt to the good side and ignore the negative sides lor. haha...I dont know how to solve this kind of thinking, I am not a psychologist or whatsoever, maybe we should all understand this, there is always two sides to a coin.

Well, folks I think I should end here...its been a long long entry...haha with different segments. Just a point to note, all that i said is just my thinking/opinion lor...so maybe u all out there may have your own. =D...haha...Its just that I have been rather lots of thinking in my mind and now I just need to de-frag them so that I can think better...hoho...

time passes like the wind, waiting for no man.

Wah...today see li sian did the most blur thing sia...she placed the library card in the ez link card slot!!!! OMG MAN!!!...and she still says that she already knows how to use....*knock my head on the wall*...of cuz suan her all the way back lor...how not to man...super funny...but also like wah kao buay tahan sia!!!!Lolz....actually today wanted to run...in the end never, GG...anws signed up for the 10km AHM le...so I got to get my ass moving man...haha

Regarding about issues with HZ is akin to getting lost in a green green forest and cuz the canopy is so thick and that light cannot seeps true...when I suddenly saw a small ray of light, thinking that there is an opening there...but upon reaching it, the light was not actually light, its the yellow dried leaves of the trees that has withered and looks like light...I sat on the log, wondering was it wrong in the first place?self denial that the leaves are real...where actually its just dried leaves. Thinking how is the best way to find my way out, I need to find the light so that there is an opening and I can climb up and scan the surroundings. Feeling very weird and tight in this new situation, the lack of light coupled with the closed proximity of trees..is really making me feel really awkward and cautious as well as at times delirious. I hear that given time, one can find a ray of light in the dark midst of the forest...I had waited, carried on, avoided contact for a rather substantial amount of time...the light seems never to be found, its always a halluncination...I very much wants to get an ax and just hack down a tree and just let the light in...but its stupid right?...how to ? the trunks are so thick=/. Its affecting me after 2 months lost in the forest...

Well...I feel like writing or rather blogging a lot of stuffs today...but now a bit lazy le...lolz...hmm...maybe next time lor...and jordan, the videos/ pics of the KTV will be up soon...haven't really got the time or rather the mood to sit down and upload it to the blogs...lolz....paiseh...haha

Its either this or that...Is it my self- denial all this while? Am I being too logical in this? Is it the real thing? but i think what I saw was just a fantasy that was never true in the first place...hah..anws its considered over and done with liao...i seriously needs more time...

mum's present number 2

2nd shot from my mum with the card=)

From Gk , Jo and my sis..

oops I accidentally miss out the G..lolz..its a tie, hankerchief and cuff links. Made me feel old sia..but hey, I got a tie sia...lolz..yeah and maine totally like surprised me out of the blue sia...came out of nowhere and join us for islan cremery.

From my CBRD camp mates..cool sia

This is actually a jacket from luo zhi xiang the fashion chain. its a actually a reversible jacket, with totally purple underneath these stripes. And GY totally surprised me with a cake and this present sia...thought he wasn't coming and he came out of nowhere and outside the KTV room with a birthday cake and a present...lolz

Okies these are all the presents that I had received this year...wah 21st even better than christmas...hahaha..wish forever 21!!..lolz

From my bball khakis

Bball khakis

From the basketball khakis, but I am sure its justin and johnny who chose de...lolz...my 6th racquet. Haha..it's already have been tested , great smashing power and light...though need to change the grip lor...prefer my own style...rather than the factory churned out grip=P. Oh and the cards are all there, by the guys...lolz...Yan cong was the most funniest and shittiest(literally) and justin was as usual the most creative( a pop-up sia!!)

Mum

From my mum,its an everlast watch for casual wear which my mum proclaims. Said I always wear the metal watch which should be used only for formal times. Well...its not bad but in baby blue, a bit girly if u ask me...lolz...but hey its my 1st analog? watch..those no digital de lah...how she knows I also looking for such a watch...save my $$=P

PIG

Needless to say, this is the shirt which I got after the dive and the cow from Pig

From IRAS friends

Li sian was going on about the gift wrapper being expensive, so I got to put it in the pic as well lor...but anws it was zi rui who bought the belt as well as the socks...haha cuz I used to wear white socks de and it doesnt goes well with office wear and they realised that most of my office wear was borrowed or my dad's...haha so they bought the socks lor...lolz...fyi I am wearing black socks le=X

The Surprise!!

btw there are like 100 over pics...so take your time to view the slide show=P

It started as a normal day...with the cloudy skies which threaten to rain and I kept checking with Pig whether she has a plan B cuz she ask me to bring my swimwear and stuff...we met at Vivo went to eat this wonderful jap. restaurant and we proceed 'overseas'...little did I know the shock and amazement that awaits me...

We made our way to underwater world and I was trying to guess the surprise with many failed attempts. Saw this shark pic outside and I was just making a casual remark" you know pig, I am kinda afraid of shark..cuz of JAWS" and the reply that came was like a thunder out of no where..." ohs thats an irony"....I felt an atomic explosion in my mind...what do u mean....irony...oh no...u dont mean with the sharks??...u are going to throw me with the sharks?!!!! on my 21st?!!... i freaked out for an hr....i asked the manager there how's the shark feeling ? he told me they had their lunch and tea break already...i was like thats good...he said there's room for more... i rolled my eyes...before that we went to watch the dolphin show..its was nice and I was asking pig , why not with the dolphins? She said its too mild...i was like so I am a chiong-er to u lah...lolz...still freaking out mode...

After that went back to the underwater world...get ready to face the sharks le...realised my noob partner is a 19 year old german...and guess wad they need at least a 21 year old guardian to sign so that she can do the dive...and guess wad..I am!! feel so old...geez...signed for her lor...well..21 quite shuang sia, dont need parent's consent..hoho...

Went into the HUGE tank...took awhile to get use to the respirator and stuff cuz never do diving before( must breathe only thru ur mouth sia!) and the 19th year old had some kind of snorkelling exp. so easier for her...went down and the pressure affected me as usual lor...so i was more focus of breathing properly and adjusting to the pressure rather than care about the marine life inside there..lolz...managed to touch the sharks..and its not those biggies , more like long and smaller in size... I didnt know mah at 1st...lolz...damn cool to see the fishes swim above you and the sting rays kept slapping my face..haha and the school of fishes that just cut my path and their tails hitting me. Oh and the sharks are all damn lazy can! Just lie on the floor and laze around. Wave to quite a couple of tourists who were thinking we are the PROs..but haha we are actually the noobs sia=X...pose here and there...touch rays and fishes and sharks...truly awesome.

Sort of like in another world..everything is blue and dark, though I am sure that actual diving wont be like that...well given what I know in TV..lol...according to pig, the german was like touching everything , i was more like following the guide...think I am more focused on getting used to pressure and stuff..haha...after the dive , we went round underwater world and took pics here and there and watched the rays being damn active in an open exhibit...

Went back for dinner at vivo , this time I treat and we ate this place like Nando's back in Aussie with its peri peri sauce and stuff lor...oishi...lolz..and Pig kept asking me to go back by 8pm. but i dont want cuz hungry sia and stuff..,haha thats why went to eat...little did i know there is another surprise!

Left her to go back home cuz she meeting CS so when reach home...the euphoria over the dive haven't over yet..so like tuang for awhile and didnt go into my room. Later, Pig called and asked me about the gift..and i was like oh ya!! ur card!!..went into the room only to find a cow+flower+ a card..i was like OMG...totally flabbergasted and kept saying thank you...seriously man its a total surprise...

So to Pig, its truly truly a HUGE SURPRISE..haha its a great present=)...SUGOI!

21st!!

Well well...I have finally ended my 21st celebrations le..haha...machiam like every day sia..lolz...well almost lor...hmm..it goes like this:

25th April Sat : Spent with my family at The Line at Shangri-la
26th April Sun: Spent with my basketball khakis/secondary school mates at Cartel Plaza Sing.
27th April Mon: My wonderful colleagues surprise me with a cake in office
28th April Tues: Pig sprang the biggest birthday surprise in my life for me
29th April Wed: My colleagues gave me my birthday present after a long time of unwrapping=P
30th April Thurs: Went to eat delifrance bistro with my colleagues..though food kinda sucky>.<
2nd May Sat: Went to Top one KTV with my close army mates/ a movie later on

So..hmm...its like I celeberated for 7 days sia!!! whoa..almost a week..lol..haha its truly a long week sia...haha and seriously its was great fun and all...well..its beats having chalet anytime!! haha... I think this post will be quite a long one sia...lolz..cuz of the photos and all but hey! i put in photobucket for easy viewing=)... Think the above posts will be the photos and some captions and maybe tml will upload my presents...haha...

Some quick updates , is now I am with concen in IRAS le, its a different department from I was previously with and the colleagues above i mentioned were my previous department one...and now at this new department...at 1st quite bad cuz can't get use and the style there is so strict and all...but now ok lor..well...got a job can already liao..what more can one ask right?

Ohs and so far i got SIM reply le...but still hoping that NTU o r NUS can contact me lor...and my dad said that I may even get a car if i go to NTU cuz my sis also in there...but this sort of thing..aiyah 1st year tell me that then I def. will go all out to get into NTU lor...lolz...sheesh..but anws hopefully still can get in lor...most of my friends are inside ther lor...