Get out of my head!!!

Here is a short update on my bro, after a shouting scene with my mum in the room...don't know wad sort of 'destruction' happened there...but in any case, they sort of made up le...but well I don't really see the ultra closeness between them unlike the past. Maybe there is some form of awkwardness there bah*shrugs shoulders*

Recently, I found myself to be quite a magnet for worries, or rather panicky...I seriously don't understand why. Be it PBJ or be it my prelims and other stuffs as well. Haiz. This is getting real annoying. I know I have effectively screw up my prelims, and anws I was prepared for it to be screw up lor..but in some sense, at least now I have the urgency to mug le...However, the problem doesn't lies in the resolve, apparently it lies in the mental strength. For example, my finance module. I knew I had to memorise, and I knew that I have to constantly do essays/tutorials to reinforce it...but when i take up the notes, and saw the magnitude of content I need to know...its like ( i expect bukit timah hill...but when I look up, I saw mount kinabalu)...oh my god...then I totally cui le..and as we all know, when we cui aka give up, nothing really gets into ur head de. And then I will jump to watching discovery channel, sleep, gaming to take my mind off it...and in turn its a waste of time again. Its not like I hate the stuff that I am studying, but it seems that I keep having such worrisome thoughts knocking at the door of my mind.

In a spiritual book, these are called emotions which whatever worry that we have is furthur enhanced by our past, our failures. I think its these which cause one to give up, to just want to have a ' ok eugene, its enough' mentality...but but the crux here is its definitely not enough...but the lazy part of me is speaking out...damn...

I am having an internal battle with my hollow...