The Infection

Ok...I have been infected. The exams jitters have finally infected me....whereas my armour was rock solid a week back, now its been invaded. I am scared...I can feel it. I am afraid that I might screw up, I am afraid that I don't know how to do stuffs, I am afraid that grades won't be good enough, I am afraid that my strategies are wrong, I am afraid that questions won't come out the way I wanted it, I am afraid that my decision to throw EOE away was wrong, I am afraid that all these will have in some way a negative effect on my potential future, I am afraid that I can't do the questions, I am afraid that people will be disappointed in me....there are so many things that I am afraid of.

To put things into perspective, why do we need exams? Mark harris says its like a signal that we can send to our future employers. Due to informational asymmetries in the labour market, the few ways which our future employers can judge us, is through our degree and thus the need for examinations. To prove our abilities. However, if we think about it, there are many other signals we can send to our future bosses. Our CIP records, external qualifications, the way one performs during interviews. The aptitude shown in a specialized kind of  job. Working experience..etc etc. In my honest opinion, I also think that stress that came with the examinations is also included in the assessment of our degree. Its in some ways, a signal to our future bosses whether we can handle the stress.

Its been almost 2 years since I've been back to being a student. Unfortunately, the portion where " stress management" is concerned, I didn't do particularly well. Truth be told, I was most prepared for an exam was in Sec 2, because I literally studied from the start of the year to the end. O level was better prepared as well, maybe because of things such as homework, tests, regular stuffs. Now currently, I am deprived of these things, whenever my brother complains about test and homework, in my heart, I always thought that how nice if we have them. Though I have tutorials, it wasn't enforced. Laissez faire market don't always works, because being humans, some markets will suffer market failure. Just like the lighthouse situation during the 18th century in Great Britain.

Ever since the inspirational talk by Amos in year one, I always try to understand my subjects because thats our aim of education ain't? So many quotes about education was about learning and not about the results. However, in our current society and I don't mean here in singapore only, but the world in general doesn't really follow that school of thought. Come to think of it, thats what a lot of people do don't they?

When we ask people about the stuff they learned in school, after their exams, most will be like: " What? I returned to my teacher already." Honestly, me too...especially maths..lolz..But most of my economics had stick with me, especially micro economics because well its micro.

Of course, the reason why I am afraid was not because I don't understand, why for EOE yes. But for the rest, its I understand but whether the depth of understanding is enough, its something that I don't know. And yes, being the ever control freak I am, I am afraid of not knowing something. Having said that, I had also let go of a lot of things that I should know.