Advices (sam)

There were varying degrees of help that I heard from 2 people I feel that are the most rational person ard me.

Sam, had a pretty big reaction.. Something that one don't see everytime.. Caught me a little there. She was kinda critical of adeline in a way. But there were some words which was quite important. She felt that I was worse off being with adeline. Felt that I gave too much and that she didn't do anything significant in return. Said that I was less happier during the times I was with adeline den before we got together. Told me that I was spending pretty much of my time trying to think of ways of making adeline happy w/o thinking of myself. Most telling point was that I lost myself. I was pretty surprised because that has never cross my mind. But now on hindsight, yes.. I lost myself.. I didn't know what I want to do and I was aimless. I didn't ever expected that.. Because I thought I have seen/experienced enough to not lose myself.. Well apparently not.

Suggested I go on a holiday, maybe I really should.. But money is always a problem. But I guess I should do things to make myself happy again. To rediscover myself, seriously I don't know where. Thought of flying off to HK over the weekend to look for cat, but.. The rational side is pulling me back.. Or maybe to Korea to look for Sean.. But Korea is too cold and ex. Did consider follow Samantha to go Beijing, should be quite fun.. But costs again doesn't allows me to.

Anws she won't be in sg over the weekend, so maybe I don't have to disappear. But sometimes some places and some things I see will make me feel sad again.

Before Sam left, she said "Eugene, I love you. So don't do this to yourself". 6 years have passed and she still have that power to make me feel lucky to be alive and have such a friend. It does give me some motivation/courage to carry on smiling and believing in the good of the world.