In the end, it's really about us. Yesterday, she suddenly dropped the bomb and said it. Says maybe we should get to know each other better. And that she is confused. She still haven't get over the other guy.. And if the other guy comes knocking on the door, like recently, she gets confused again. Says that she tried and all.. Says she hates it when I treat her well and she herself cannot reciprocate it. Nthg to do with me but with herself.
I was angry, seriously, cannot fathom what had just happened. Was pissed off, sad, guilty everything that a dementor make you feel just like in Harry Potter.
So after some talking, told her let's have a cooling down period... She says ok.. But I knw deep down that neither that will work it out.. Cuz of her body language and all... The saddest thing ever was the coldness. That feeling where you know whatever that you do, you won't be able to break through that barrier. It's an insurmountable wall only if the gates were open to you.
Got this incident when during dinner, I said smthg pretty mean in a way, and she turn angry about it.. Then have to do a 360 and try to calm her anger and all... Eventually, even I can't vent my anger and rather I have to think about hers when she is the one who started all this. Hate myself for being such a noob, always putting hers first.
In the end, told her my decision and that we will have a cool down period and we held hands and walk for some distance and talk about stuff. Some random stuff and all but when we took the bus, her expression change again.. Hinted to her to hold my hands she refused. And it was a quiet journey back home.
Before I left her, Told her that she should decide what that she wants and choose the option that made her smile even at the expense of mine. Think made her feel worse, but to me everything that I do in life is something that I don't want to regret in the future. Even if the road is hard to travel.
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