Yesterday, had a chat with my sister. Somehow, after all the advices, taunts and consolations from people, I guess my sister's words are surprising good and pretty much what I perceived and comfortable with. Maybe its due to always after the hearing everything, and eventually, maine is someone that kinda like gives me a summary or a matter-of-factly replies.
Actually, yesterday had a long...well long compare to the conversations that I had with adeline since we broke up. She was at counter and replied to my tweet..invited me to go over to her booth and take a taiyangbing from her. I steeled myself the whole time, because I know deep down my emotions are stirring up, so I put on a mask and just act nonchalant about things. We had casual chat, and friendly banter. After work, I went to look for her again and helped her to fixed her phone. Took about 30 minutes to do so. At times, she will be near me to see what I was doing on her phone due to her privacy screen, but generally I avoided long eye contact with her. At the end, arranged a dinner date with her in 10 days time. Walked past Rachel's booth, after that went back to her booth to confirm my schedule for next week. She asked whether we were back together, I said nope. Friends? I guess so ...ending with a sigh. Rach, was like just suan le lor.
Evening went to catch a movie with huiyi, told her about it as well. And huiyi, was like saying maybe her character is like that etc etc, which was my reasonings for everything that adeline did in the past. So it got me thinking whether there is still a chance that we can get back together, whether should I try again...So, again my thoughts overwhelmed me and its not helped by the fact that adeline later msg me to ask me about her phone again. She was out late with tricia and gang , but I think 3 weeks of not bothering to know about her life kinda like makes me don't really bother about her being out anymore. Didnt reply back to her when she replied that she will settle on her own and wish me nights.
So at the end of this, I decided to talk with my sister. I rarely talk HTHT with maine. Only if its really dire, because my sis have quite a wealth of experience in this and besides, I guess how we approach things in life is pretty much the same. So I told maine everything, the struggles I faced with adeline, the communication issues, how the r/s was under wraps on her side and eventually how I just kinda ran out of gas. Also, with the wave of thoughts of wanting to get back. Maine listened and tells me a lot of things.
She told me like how her r/s with ivan in the past was also the same as mine. Everytime something serious was brought up, both our partners just have no response, and no feedback or whatsoever. Maine said its really bad , it just shows that there is a communication breakdown. And I told maine about the vibes of not being loved and all, and that its really hard for me to continue and we both agree that it takes 2 hands to clap.
Maine said that she believes that every failed r/s is just a step towards the one r/s that will stick. I agreed with her though I cannot see it at this point of time. She said that by now, I should have actually know what sort of traits I truly want in a partner. I told her yeah, its much clearer to me now then in the past. Initially, I used to doubt my expectations in a r/s, I wanted just 2 things, Communication and Trust. I didn't get both in the end, because of the lack of communication between us. Maine also feels that adeline is not matured yet and a lot of things how she handles were not proper and well...I guess mature way of doing things. Maine says that she feels that adeline also never put in her best in the r/s because she is not really want to change and invest time and effort in it. She attributed it to the fact that she don't know what she wants and that her feelings for me were not enough. She quote an example was that she used to thought she gave a lot when with Ivan, but now with Han, she was able to change more...change her mindset because she really wants to be with Han. So she feels that if adeline wants the r/s, she will do that.
She feels that me and adeline issues are way too fundamental already, unless she makes the effort to want to be in this r/s or communicate better, if not, the same issues will happen again. She like sam feels that I should maintain a distance away from adeline for a while, she gave a 6 months period...which I personally felt was pretty long. I don't know what my condition for me when I meet adeline for dinner, but, I guess no matter what. I guess its better if I let it go, because like what maine says when she asked me to fixed her phone, you are just a "convenient friend", she also admit that she did that in the past. Which reminds me of zhenni did in the past as well. Really sucks to actually know the truth.
In conclusion, Maine says that eventually will be able to find someone de, and that once step into the working world, the girls mentality are slightly more mature. I said she worked for 2 years and same age, funnily, maine said that maturity doesn't come with age. haha...which is kinda true. Interestingly, she also brought up the issue of upbringing and background, she asked me can I see myself being with this person's life. I told her when I compared my core friends to her friends around her, its really different. She says that couples can be different, like really have a lot of differences in life. However, deep down, the core values have to be more or less the same. Because ultimately, the core values cannot be changed de. Even if were to get married in the future, this are the reasons why affairs happens.
So after this talk with maine, I kinda know what I should do though for now every morning is a constant battle against my emotions. And for some reason, I am having insomnia again...like sleeping for just 4 to 5 hours only...hopefully, the situation will improves bah.
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