I guess my insomnia and stress kind of stopped yesterday, and all of the sudden sleep debt just came falling down on me. Work was tough since I keep wanting to sleep, felt a bout of dizziness in the late afternoon. Took a rest and it was nice of Fengtian( a new tco) to check on how I was. The night before, went out with adeline for dinner and all. Its very normal, but there were a lot more communication between us than before. We also manage to horse around in the MRT on the train back, she allowed me to be really close to her, like touching her face and hair and all. Of course, our sms conversations were much better as compared to the past. I began to let go a lot of things that I expect her to do everytime, though yesterday, I did ask her to let me know when she reached home. She still replied me when she reached home with more aplomb than previous situations. So its pretty good so far. I am not in the illusion that this will mean anything and all, because I did fall back to my emotions and ask her for a hug at the end on tuesday, which she refused. I did apologized for it, and just texted her for awhile.
I guess her presence so far, make me feel at least more comforting for now. Anws, currently, its just me rediscovering and just enjoy her company which I wasn't able to do in the past. And I guess she is also having a tough time. On my part, I know what I want, so definitely I am not going to do anything until there is improvement.
In any case, this episode really push my mental health to the limits. I don't have the capacity to say that everything is now good and all, but I feel a whole lot clearer and positive than the previous 2 weeks back. I went through a lot of mental torture and exercises. Morning and Night was a torture initially, soon it became just the morning. These days, its not so much, for some reason, I don't feel the past anymore. In fact, I don't really wish to. For now I believe that the present is more important and learn to look forward to the future with a pair of optimistic eyes.
I have been actively running or rather exercising and been reading books. Learn about meditation, about being mindful and being grateful to a lot of things in life. To cultivate more positive feelings, rather than feeding the monsters inside. I am lucky to been through to various interviews though it does sucks cuz its one too many. Haha...but I guess like all relationships, its just one step closer to the one that is right for me.
I began to really be thankful for my friends around me. Met up with Jolene recently, told her everything, she provided her perspective and all. I told her about the notion of "5 people you meet in heaven". Sometimes, before you can go to heaven, one will have to meet up with some people first. Its nice to hear from her again, I am happy for her in that she found someone new and that she is coping well with her ex problems. Finally, she is grown up in some ways, but there were still some instances which I can still see the old JO in her. haha...I told her about how I am really grateful for my friends around me, especially the ones who have bear with me, and listen to me, scolded me, encouraged me and just being there. She says I sounds old. I chuckled for though thats the last thing I want to hear from anyone, but I don't link being old with being grateful for your friends around you. Neither do I feel that I gained anything in maturity. Its just that as one progresses, one began to really appreciate the intangibles in life. And, my friends are my pillars of my life.
Saw a tweet posted by yus mei, decided to check on her. Its nice to hear that she appreciates me asking on her well-being. And it really does makes my day. I am glad I can be of some help to someone. Even if its just one person.
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