Ok now the rantings part is over..or I hope...now is the think logically mode...lolz...anws side track a bit..I think ranting and stuff..is a damn good way of releasing stress...if we as people forever due to face, certain situation and rules of society, kept and restrain ourselves from bursting out, from releasing ourselves...I think its gotta be damn painful inside...maybe thats why I am such a straight forward person or a 'honest' person ... I say whatever on my mind and I try not to drag too long cuz I see no point in torturing oneself.

Letting go is one step. buddhism always have this saying that being attached is also to be unattached. To learn to attached= to learn to cherished , to learn to give cuz everyone is linked to each other in some ways or another. To be unattached= to let go when the time is ripe, to be indifferent when things are not flowing naturally. Unfortunately, this is a very difficult saying and way of life for many to lead. Look at the number of humans out there, who can you name that is able to follow this code of life. Not many I fear. I am one who is also freaking cui in this aspect as well... the inability to unattached...thats something I have always failed. From small things like a pen all the way to friendships...is the fear of losing what I once had. But, on furthur thinking, to lose is also another way to gain, isn't ? In the end, we end up governed by fear, which leads to insecurities, which lead to poessiveness, which will eventually lead up to selfishness...wah sounds like star wars* fear leads to hate, hate leads to ..blah blah then pain leads to the dark side, tell you I did*...so maybe once of the few steps I got to do is to over come this fear of attachement...the one biggest paralyzing mindset that can totally cripple me...the strength to have a bigger heart...not a narrow one...

Focus.Contentment.Courage.Belief.Faith....these are some of the other ingrediants I required as well...

General direction of life. I am forever feeling lost. I want to pursue something I want...scared that I am wrong...Laziness kicks in...I just go with the flow. Ee ling told me her life story....how she just live like no tml...how eventually She end up in this line...and how she ended up not really able to live like no tml...she is now in a way governed by other problems now...but one thing about her that we can take from this is that she is contented to a certain extent. Maybe one thing else is that we dunno what else the future hold for us, maybe I might be interested in engine or maybe not? Its an uncertainty...